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The Royal Archives => The Silver Age => Off-Topic => Topic started by: koko_99_2001 on April 21, 2004, 09:12:23 AM

Title: Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on April 21, 2004, 09:12:23 AM
Hey guys, just got a really cool quote from a friend...thought I'd post it and then everyone can add quotes that they love!

Cat

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips."   It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.  For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.   For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.  For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.  For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.  People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.  Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.  As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on April 21, 2004, 09:52:12 AM
That's much more meaningful than the one I had in mind.

"TV you will watch, hrmmmm?"

-Me, pretending to be Yoda telling Luke to use his force powers to watch TV.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: racx_00 on April 21, 2004, 09:56:12 AM
"You reap what you sow!"

Very helpful quote ;B
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on April 21, 2004, 12:49:30 PM
I've been waiting to use this quote:

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:  One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.  The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. "

--Butch Hancock

Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on April 21, 2004, 12:55:05 PM
I've been proofing one of my sites, and I came across a quote among my transcripts that I rather liked the first time I heard it. So since it's in my mind, I'll mention it. ;)

Quote
"Why were you upset at your party?"

"Because I lied and they all knew I lied. That's why. I just wanted to have a family. Even a pretend one was too much to ask for. You couldn't understand."

"I couldn't? My understanding has always been that a family is not only those from whom you are born, but those to whom you belong."

(We see his face as he realizes she's right.)

"Did I screw up, too?"

"No - not at all."

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on April 21, 2004, 03:18:14 PM
hmmmm... always a nice quote to keep things in perspective, at least for me:

A pupil is not above his teacher, but everyone that is perfectly instructed will be like his teacher

-J.C.-
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Drunken Chinchilla on April 21, 2004, 05:07:26 PM
Quoted from a man with the upmost calibre and IQ and stuff:

"Alex, Carry my love child!"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on April 21, 2004, 05:24:07 PM
Alex, carry MY love child!



j/k
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Drunken Chinchilla on April 21, 2004, 05:45:43 PM
*flees*

 ;D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on April 21, 2004, 05:48:35 PM
Now why would you want to flee?
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on April 21, 2004, 06:53:09 PM
You clowns can't even quote it right...


"Alex, bear my love child!"

:D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on April 21, 2004, 08:49:46 PM
"nice shoes, wanna f*ck?" lol wont say who said this but its really great :P

and this is SO cool and it fits the forum
"Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind."
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on April 21, 2004, 08:51:26 PM
I like,

"Wanna go see if your clothes match my carpet?" :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on April 21, 2004, 08:55:41 PM
"hey baby whats your sign?" ugh the most cheesy stupid line :P but that's a pick up line, another good quote

"each failure is a step closer to sucess" <3 I KNOW IVE SAID IT BEFORE TO YOU, but I dont mind its cool :)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on April 21, 2004, 09:02:13 PM
"Do you have some Canadian in you?"

"No"

"Would you like some?"

:D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on April 21, 2004, 09:13:15 PM
... lol, wtf?


I bet that's your fav one! ;D

OK OK OK SOME I DO HATE

"btw, I still love you... if it matters"

and coming from an exbf, he cheated on me and guess what?! now he's a dad... how sweet isnt it??  FUCKOFF YOU, he wont ever read this so I dont give a s*** :P



omg back to good ones...
erm...

"learn without the thought is a wasted job" ... confuciouz was always confuzing :P but it is cool

Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: racx_00 on April 22, 2004, 11:38:53 AM
"life sucks so keep living" ;D

I heard that somewhere but not sure where now ;B
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: copycat on April 22, 2004, 03:14:07 PM
Now why would you want to flee?
I think his current marital status may have had some influence on that type of behavioral (?sp) pattern... ;P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Mary Jane on April 22, 2004, 03:24:31 PM
"A toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll. If we don't get no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls."
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on April 22, 2004, 03:54:26 PM
"Marriage means commitment.  Of course, so does insanity"  

I think this one fits here  ;P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on April 28, 2004, 09:21:41 AM
I had this list sent to me...thought it was cool...wonder if any guys would be offended  ;D

Cat

BEHIND EVERY
SUCCESSFUL WOMAN
IS HERSELF

A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG
SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER
IN HOT WATER

I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN
ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW
TO COMBINE MARRIAGE
AND A CAREER

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST
BETTER RICH

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN
And I HAVE A GUN

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE
AND I KNOW HOW
TO USE IT

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...
I DID IT RIGHT
THE FIRST TIME

DO NOT START WITH ME.
YOU WILL NOT WIN

ALL STRESSED OUT
AND NO ONE
TO CHOKE

And last but not least:

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED,
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on May 03, 2004, 12:14:19 AM
I like the last one. ;D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on May 03, 2004, 02:21:23 AM
LOL! XD Great ones!!!
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Drunken Chinchilla on May 03, 2004, 05:42:54 AM
Quote
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like that guy who went blind because he looked at an eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhle in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

HAHAHA classic! I used to have loads of quotes but my brain has booted the info for less important stuff... :S
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on May 03, 2004, 05:46:24 AM
LMAO!!  ;D ;D

The ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS are the best... the other stuff I think I've seen online, can't remember where :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on May 03, 2004, 08:58:23 AM
OMG...the analogies and metaphors were great. I was cracking up.....I may have to use some of those some day and see what happens! :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on May 03, 2004, 09:37:09 AM

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck reversing.

This one's hilarious! Mainly b/c as soon as I finished reading it...a truck started backing up outside!  So I heard the bells!

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: copycat on May 04, 2004, 03:11:39 PM
LOL ;D ;D ;D
I've seen some of those things in the past, but either my memory is repressing most of those, or there are new ones on these lists. 8)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on May 05, 2004, 05:18:47 AM
More quotes! Serious ones this time. Though I have some good one-liners.

 - A tree doesn't ponder why it grows one gnarled branch, a dog why one ear flops half-mast, a clover why it sprout three leaves, not four. What is broken, mends; what is stretched to the limit, strengthens. That which is flawed glows with a certain beauty -- Anon

 - The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little stardust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched -- Henry David Thoreau

 - Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat -- Harry Emerson Fosdick

 - There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility lies in being superior to your previous self -- Hindu proverb

 - There is only one real failure in life that is possible and that is, not to be true to the best one knows -- Frederick Farrer

One Liners:

 - Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow!
 - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
 - Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
 - I got lost in thought. I was in unfamiliar territory.
 - The reason talk is cheap is because supply exceeds demand.
 - Nothing is so simple that it can't be screwed up.
 - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions
 - On the road to knowledge, I've only ever found the exit.
 - If you throw a cat out of a car window, is that kitty litter?

And my favourite:

 - The two rules of success:
       1. Don't tell everything you know.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on May 05, 2004, 05:21:30 AM
Great quotes! :D

Poor Fosdick though, his name doesn't escape the censorbot. :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on May 05, 2004, 05:26:09 AM
Haha! I know. I cracked up when I first saw it :D. Poor guy, it's not his fault ;).
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: copycat on May 05, 2004, 01:41:25 PM
My boss's first name also didn't escape the censorbot at work when he tried to unsubscribe to something which he had to do via a website.
Dick. XB
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 05, 2004, 05:34:58 PM
A Deep Thought, brought to you by Jack Handy:

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw screw you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on May 08, 2004, 07:39:29 PM
Sixteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn by Dave Barry
 
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
 
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
 
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
 
7. Never lick a steak knife.
 
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
 
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Final thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on May 09, 2004, 02:13:07 AM
LOL! Those are great!

I can't believe I forgot one of my very favourites: Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Anywayz, Ways to Cope with Stress

1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

5. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

6. Dance naked in front of your pets.

7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre- school as if nothing is wrong.

8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

9. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

10. Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.

11. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

12. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

13. Drive to work in reverse.

14. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

15. Polish your car with earwax.

16. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

17. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: James Thunderland on May 09, 2004, 09:41:43 AM
Kinda a negative quote....and i cant memba where i heard it, maybe i made it up :/  Well here goes..

"If practice makes perfect...but nobodys perfect, then why practice at all?"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on May 12, 2004, 04:58:12 AM
wooo hahah look at this thread, its been a while since I visited haha I love them all! :P

as to agree with James (dont feel bad I guess all quotes are welcome here ;P)

I heard some like "If ignorance is a bliss... why isnt there more ppl happy?"

(or something like that :P, dont quite remember it perfectly) :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 12, 2004, 12:17:21 PM
Taken from Frank Herbert's DUNE:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fears path, and only I will remain.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on May 12, 2004, 05:08:09 PM
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fears path, and only I will remain.

...hmmm, sounds like a Bene Gesserit litany to me, right?? ..lol, I just loved Dune ; )
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 12, 2004, 11:59:50 PM
Paul Atredes, my friend.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 13, 2004, 01:28:40 AM
"Cesar is like the sis I never had!"
                           - Saydmell Salazar



Hahahah! LOL!  I <3 this quote!
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on May 13, 2004, 01:30:17 AM
hahahaha you fuko :P I do mean it ! :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on May 13, 2004, 02:54:47 AM
Paul Atredes, my friend.

hmmm... that would be my second guess.... but ...who gave them his education (partly) ...but yeah I stand corrected, guess it was Paul, but other use that litany too, cuz it is bene gesserit (http://quotes.prolix.nu/Authors/?Frank_Herbert,_Dune_-_Bene_Gesserit_Litany_Against_Fear) from origin
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: KatieHal on May 13, 2004, 11:38:57 AM
For brevity and reference, Jael, here's the link to the Evil Overlord list :)

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html


For all your evil overlod needs in one place. ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: KatieHal on May 13, 2004, 11:40:41 AM
Paul Atredes, my friend.

hmmm... that would be my second guess.... but ...who gave them his education (partly) ...but yeah I stand corrected, guess it was Paul, but other use that litany too, cuz it is bene gesserit (http://quotes.prolix.nu/Authors/?Frank_Herbert,_Dune_-_Bene_Gesserit_Litany_Against_Fear) from origin

Hehe, I only read the beginning of Dune, but that part was in the beginning, and I do recall he got the litany from the bene gesserits. Also, wasn't one of them? That whole thing about being the only male bene gesserit or something, which IIRC was half the point of the story....?   ???
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on May 13, 2004, 12:19:25 PM
yeah... it was like the wole story from the BG POV. a male BG (had a nice name too ; ) would be able to see things hidden from female ones...
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 13, 2004, 12:31:53 PM
You two and your technicalities. :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on May 13, 2004, 02:57:34 PM
lol, sowwy ; ) ...you know, I did agree with you  ;-D ...have you read the complete series James??
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 13, 2004, 04:48:54 PM
I'm afraid not.  Just "Dune" and it was a couple years ago.  I don't read as much as I should.
Right now, I'm taking a glance at "The Code Book", which is all about Code and Cryptography.  Having been in the military and having ad to use some crypto equipment, it's rather interesting...
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on May 13, 2004, 05:00:08 PM
I've read the rest of the books, and... with apologies to B'rrr, I don't think you missed much, J-R. Dune was great, it's sequels were so-so, IMHO.

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on May 13, 2004, 05:12:15 PM
don't apologize to me ; ) ...I liked the first book the most, the rest weren't that good... well, I kinda liked part 6, that one was cool... but the others were not really worth reading twice

I don't really like the new books (of a relative of Frank... his son perhaps??)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on May 14, 2004, 09:40:50 PM
Getting back on topic a wee... I am brilliant and thought up an awesome retort today.

Anytime you insult or diss somebody, and they say,

"Heeeeey, you take that back!"

reply with,

"Sorry, but I have a no-return policy."

No, really, it's brilliant.

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on May 18, 2004, 09:38:11 PM
hahahahaha <3
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on May 20, 2004, 02:57:11 PM
And now a few examples of how odd my household is... ;)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it  down.

In my house, we need to leave the lid down, or the cat will cheerfully jump into the toilet. Therefore, anyone who leaves the lid up gets to bathe the cat. So we both have to lift the lid. XD

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.  And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Sure, shopping is a sport!

Step 1: Find all items as quickly as possible.
Step 2: Get through the checkout line as quickly as possible.
Step 3: Leave and go home as quickly as possible.

Actually, Harrison's the one who takes a long time shopping... it takes him forever to pick stuff out. ;P

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help  solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

OK, this one isn't so odd. In fact, it explains a lot. ;)

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

Harrison actually has more clothes and more shoes than I do. I kid you not. ;P

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Harrison says this a lot, although it's usually in response to me complaining *I* need to get in shape. ;)

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on May 20, 2004, 06:13:37 PM
hahahaha, great rules James!! ...don't agree with all of them, but they are all way funny ; )
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on May 20, 2004, 06:29:35 PM
Quote
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and  neither do we.

I let you get away with the others, James, but I have to protest to that one ;P :)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 21, 2004, 12:08:36 AM
Protest all you want, I'M NOT STOPPING TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!!! :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on May 21, 2004, 05:37:02 AM
*mental note: Never ride in the same car that James is driving!*  ;D

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on May 21, 2004, 06:05:54 AM
Quote
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and  neither do we.

I think you're missing the irony in this one, folks... namely that Christopher Columbus *did* get lost. :D

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on May 21, 2004, 01:58:15 PM
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it  down.

I don't know what's the big deal with that. I don't mind if guys leave the toilet seat up... I just wish they remember to flush every once in a while :X
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 23, 2004, 12:45:21 AM
Quote
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and  neither do we.

I think you're missing the irony in this one, folks... namely that Christopher Columbus *did* get lost. :D

And look at where he ended up!  Now that wasn't, so bad, now was it?!

Otherwise, the US wouldn't have been discovered until some crabby old Canadian senior citizen decided they needed a nice warm place to go in the winter! :D
And maybe Canada would border Mexico! Mmm...I like Mexican food....Mmmm....:D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on May 23, 2004, 08:27:01 AM
lol....nice in theory except that Columbus landed in the Caribbean, James. :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 23, 2004, 10:28:44 AM
Pssst....shut up!  YOU'RE NOT HELPING! :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on May 26, 2004, 12:28:24 PM
Lol, I love that version of the history of the world! XD
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on May 27, 2004, 04:24:33 PM
What do you mean by "version", Bushie? it's the god-honest truth! ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on May 27, 2004, 07:15:38 PM
Hehe, sure... ;)
Though I don't doubt that it's very close to the truth. ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on May 30, 2004, 04:00:50 AM
Quote
404 B.C.-The Peloponnesian war has been going on for 27 years now because neither side can find a treaty writer who knows how to spell Peloponnesian.

I had to do a test on that stupid war, and I'm pretty sure that's the whole reason behind it. Sure as heck, I couldn't spell it ;B
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on May 30, 2004, 02:38:23 PM

Quote
IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for f***ing ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow s*** even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

- http://www.bash.org/?151227

:P isnt that beautiful?! <3
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 30, 2004, 02:40:22 PM
Baahahaha!  Ray Potato! :D <3 <3 <3 <3
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 30, 2004, 02:48:26 PM
C'mon, baby....let's make some spuds. ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on May 30, 2004, 07:21:20 PM
Lol, you guys are kraaazy! XB

...maybe I'll give my future girlfriend a bouquet of spuds sometime. ;B
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on May 30, 2004, 08:16:22 PM
Hee. Reminds me a little of an old routine Harrison used to do... if he and his quartet were doing some kind of valentine to someone as a gig, the group would sing songs and such, and then Harrison would go, "What better way to say 'I love you'... than with a spatula!", and pull a spatula out and give it to the "honoree". Hee.

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 31, 2004, 02:36:48 AM
I now call Say "Ray-Po", as a reference to "J-Lo". :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on May 31, 2004, 04:08:03 AM
lol james you still havent said why its "Ray" you bum :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on May 31, 2004, 11:23:54 AM
No one has asked.  Maybe I'll just forget and only you and I will know. :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on June 01, 2004, 12:49:47 PM
Hee, I can't believe I forgot to mention this one before. I bet a few people here can relate to it. :D

One of my co-workers has this on a flyer pinned on the wall behind her desk:

"God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will never die."

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on June 01, 2004, 12:53:16 PM
Lol, that's one way to achieve immortality I guess. ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on June 02, 2004, 11:22:23 AM
"Idle hands spend time at the genitals ... and we all know how much God hates that."

-Ol' Drippy, from the show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on June 02, 2004, 08:30:10 PM
"He who go to bed with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand."
-Unknown
XD
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on June 02, 2004, 08:35:44 PM
*covers eyes*

Shame on you! Isn't this forum supposed to family-friendly? ;B ;P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 02, 2004, 08:44:43 PM
*cover ears, eyes and wha'ever need to be coverd* ; )

unknown?? ...lol, right!! my best guess is, he said that himself  ;-D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 06:05:40 AM
Aaron!  I'm shocked!

*mutters to self* It's ok...you can still claim to be innocent...ooohhh, I so didn't want to see it.

What's bad...I actually got it on the first read!

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on June 03, 2004, 07:24:52 AM
of course you both got what that meant, you are just deep down as perverted (or more) than the rest of us, the only difference is that you dont embrace it, you are ashamed of it  :o

So keep covering whatever else you may, even so, you both got it (I had to actually read it twice btw, must be cuz Im waking up or something) either Im slow or just not as fast as you both, or probably both.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 03, 2004, 08:13:49 AM
hahahha, never said I didn't got it... although I had to translate it first to understand it  ;-D I'm not ashamed that I understand it now but that doesn't mean I have to embrace it either.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 08:55:14 AM
I'm not perverted!   :o

Well, maybe deep down...but so far down I have no clue if it's there :P

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 03, 2004, 09:25:48 AM
lol, I think she meant we are, because we understand ob comment, if we were trully innocent (unspoiled) we wouldn't know what he was talking about.

lol, I usually get that with Jeysies comments, totally clueless, ...although I get it with others too.. lol, but I'm affraid I'm catching up  :-\
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 09:34:21 AM
Well, I will still claim innocense!  *stands firm*
The problem is...I don't know how many of ya'll will believe me for long! :P

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 09:43:31 AM
Well, maybe so...but I've matured since then  ;D

There's only a select few who get kisses now!

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on June 03, 2004, 11:24:04 AM
Well, don't worry Cat, I won't quote your uberpervy comment that you said to me today! :D

I was like "that's a line right out of my book!" :D :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 12:20:46 PM
What uberpervy remark?  *innocent look*

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 03, 2004, 03:22:18 PM
lol, that is so not going to work anymore  ;-D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 03:34:24 PM
Oh, come on!  It should still work!

And for those wondering...let's just say that what I said and what I meant did not go hand in hand!

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 03, 2004, 05:23:59 PM
lol, ok a quote from James when he was quoting the wisest person i know:

'don't try, do or do not'

when i said i should try to have a good day ; )
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on June 03, 2004, 05:54:28 PM
It is correct, if you were so innocent you wouldnt have quite get it, how do you know something you supposedly claim do not? lol, sounds like a bluff sometimes, that means you do know more than you should then.

The problem is...I don't know how many of ya'll will believe me for long! :P

Dont worry, I can openly say I'm starting to do not believe neither of you, naive and unexperience doesn't means innocent, the fact you don't really do it doesnt means you are free of thinking it, which I've seen you both do lol :P


Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 05:57:01 PM
*snaps fingers*  Shoot...Rob, she's figured us out!

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Yonkey on June 03, 2004, 05:59:22 PM
So, Koko's really a "wolf in sheep's clothing".  XD
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 03, 2004, 06:03:24 PM
*howls at the moon*

*sheepish look* *clears throat*

Not me, Neil...not me  ;D

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Johnmichael on June 03, 2004, 06:09:32 PM
Compared to me your probably all saints.  ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on June 03, 2004, 06:38:44 PM
hahahaha John openly admits his perverted self just like James does around here :P


omfg u pervz :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on June 04, 2004, 01:36:41 AM
hahahaha John openly admits his perverted self just like James does around here :P


omfg u pervz :D

Well, you're just a closet perv.  You KNOW you lubz it. :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on June 04, 2004, 03:05:17 AM
I openly admit I am! Im not the one claiming to be innocent when the evidence say differently :P

so that you should be general but exclude me out of it, Im a perv and I know :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 04, 2004, 05:27:13 AM
I'm not a perv and i know it too,

cuz there is a whole scale between beeing a perv and innocent... I'm somewhere in between... don't know where exactly  ;-D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 06, 2004, 05:06:25 PM
                            To Err
                          Is Human,
                To Really Screw Up
                          You Need
                        A Computer.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on June 06, 2004, 06:24:10 PM
hahaha I really liked that one :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on June 07, 2004, 05:02:54 PM
Heh, that quote used to be on my sig ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on June 07, 2004, 05:10:15 PM
Here's a nice one:

In God we trust, all others we virus scan.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on June 08, 2004, 04:25:10 PM
Cat, I've told you from the beginning that nobody believed you were innocent!!  You should have listened, now you've been found out!
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 08, 2004, 10:40:18 PM
Not a quote, but it's close enough.

AI=Artificial Insanity

I just thought of another one

AI=Artificial Incompetence (thats what it seems like at the moment)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Johnmichael on June 09, 2004, 01:18:46 AM
"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."

I said that to my physics teacher when i didnt know the answer to a question...gave me a detention.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on June 09, 2004, 03:29:11 PM
*ahem* >clears throat< These are the TRULY inspirational quotes you've all been waiting for. :P (Probably some of these have already been said in this thread, oh well. :P)

"Procrastinate NOW!"

"Dyselxics of the world, UNTIE!"

"5 out of 4 people can't do fractions."

"Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't."

And, my favorite, (this comes from one of the bands at Ozzfest last summer...the lead singer said in this demonic sounding voice:)
"This song is dedicated to BREAKFAST.....for bein' the most important meal of the day!"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 09, 2004, 03:38:18 PM
Quote
"There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't."

I liked that one. Although, it bothers me that it took me a couple of seconds to get it.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: B'rrr on June 10, 2004, 03:33:22 PM
in what group would you be then?  ;-D

lol, looks a lot like:

there are only 10 kinds of ppl, those who understand binary and those who doesn't
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Mary Jane on June 10, 2004, 03:47:41 PM
"Life isn't fair, its just fairer than death."
and
"I will eat your'e soul"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on June 10, 2004, 04:42:47 PM
 XB
I have no soul.
 XB
oooh, but that reminds me of a quote.
"I sold my soul.  But, hey! I got a shiny quarter!"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 10, 2004, 09:27:10 PM
Quote
there are only 10 kinds of ppl, those who understand binary and those who doesn't

That ones better, but it bothers me that I got it before I finished reading it.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Mary Jane on June 11, 2004, 01:44:28 PM
I DO NOT mean to offend anybody with this post.

Heres a few quotes from President George W. Bush:

"I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together."

"Quotas are bad for America. It's not the way America is all about"

"First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country."

"Let me put it to you this way, I'm not a revengeful person."

"Bush: First of all, cinco de Mayo is not the independence day. That's dieciseis de Septiembre, and...
Matthews: what's that in English?
Bush: Fifteenth of September"

"Many Americans have got debts. We want those Americans to be able to pay off that debts"

"I think the America people- I hope the American- I don't think, let me- I hope the American people trust me."

"Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, thats trustworthiness."
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on June 11, 2004, 03:43:04 PM
lmao....some of those I'd heard before, but most of them were new, actually! XD That's the guy who represents me to the internatial community!  Gosh, I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I can form more coherent sentences than my leader! :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on June 13, 2004, 07:19:56 AM
Monkey see,
Monkey do,
Monkey will destroy you!
Bad monkey!

- from "Another Life", by Rollins Band
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on June 13, 2004, 10:13:21 AM
"Can you see the window without your shadow getting in the way?"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on June 13, 2004, 10:49:02 AM
Isn't it "Can you look out the window without your shadow getting in the way"? ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on June 14, 2004, 11:26:17 PM
SIGNS OF THE TIMES

At a vet's office: all unattended children will be given a free kitten

Plumber's shop: we repair what your husband fixed

Billboard: keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs

Vet's office: back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

Non-Smoking area: if we see you smoking we will asume you are on fire and take appropriate action

Maternity room door: push, push, push

Optometrist's office: if you don't see what you're looking for you've come to the right place

Counsellor's office: growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 14, 2004, 11:29:04 PM
This is from the KQ collection. The troubleshooting section.

"FYI: You will not be allowed to explore Chessboard land in the game.  A lot of
people ask."
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on June 14, 2004, 11:30:46 PM
Lol! I always wanted to explore Chessboard Land. It drove me mad that I couldn't :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 14, 2004, 11:32:28 PM
I think it's going to be in KQ9(I hope that's not wishful thinking).
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on June 15, 2004, 12:13:52 AM
I think it's going to be in KQ9(I hope that's not wishful thinking).

Hooray!!

Lots of useless stuff:

Men get hiccups more often than women do.

55,700 people in the US are injured by jewelry each year.

In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 meters of nose hair.

More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people (Well great, now I'm paranoid )

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

An attosecond is one billionth of a billionth of a second.

National Pi Day is March 14, at 1:59. (3/14 1:59)

If you counted for 24 hours a day, it would take over 31,000 years to reach one trillion.

The wingspan of a Boeing 747 jet is longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on June 15, 2004, 07:40:48 AM
Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people (Well great, now I'm paranoid )

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

No wonder, with all those dangerous right-handed products around :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on June 15, 2004, 08:59:18 AM
At a vet's office: all unattended children will be given a free kitten

This reminds me of a sign the hair salon I used to go to had:

"All children left unattended will be sold."

Oh, and here's one for the records:

The carry-out parking spaces for a local restaurant all have this sign:

"Parking for carry-out customers only. All others will be crushed and melted."

(I really need to get a picture of that sign one of these days.)

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on June 15, 2004, 06:33:24 PM
"I've learned not to expect anything, or everything will be a surprise."

-- Me.  And if it was said before me, I was unaware of it! :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on June 15, 2004, 10:50:56 PM
Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people (Well great, now I'm paranoid )

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

No wonder, with all those dangerous right-handed products around :P

Lol! I recken. Those right-handed coffee cups are death traps ;P. Though I really do hate how hard it is to find decent leftie scissors >:(

Anyhoo, more Bushisms:

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 15, 2004, 11:29:28 PM
I used to wear a cap that said something similar to this.

I don't go looking for trouble, it finds me.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 16, 2004, 12:56:51 AM
I did it again, going off topic.   :-X

"In terms of multiplayer, Descent was the first game to work well over the Internet."
- Matt Toschlog (Outrage)

Okay, back on topic.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on June 16, 2004, 03:13:55 AM
Here's another good sign (taken while Harrison and I were in New Jersey):

"Resurrection Cemetery

Turn back and turn right at light."

Just think about it. ;)

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 16, 2004, 12:20:38 PM
Interesting story(and close enough to a quote). A Shell(gasoline) station had a neon(lightup) sign(that said "Shell"). The S went out...

Very few people were parked there, so it must not have gone unnoticed.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on June 17, 2004, 07:53:11 PM
Ok...this was in our church newsletter...I found it hilarious!  Even if you're not religious or really couldn't care less, I think ya'll will find them interesting!

Occupation Hymns
Astronaut -- "Nearer, My God, to Thee"
Baker -- "I Need The Every Hour"
Baseball Batter -- "Seek Ye First"
Builder -- "How Firm a Foundation"
Carpenter -- "The Nail-Scarred Hand"
Dentist -- "Crown Him with Many Crowns"
Electrician -- "Send the Light"
Engineer -- "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross"
Fisherman -- "Shall We Gather at the River?"
Golfer -- "There Is a Green Hill Far Away"
Historian -- "Tell Me the Old, Old Story"
Librarian -- "We've a Story to Tell"
Mountain Climber -- "On Christ the Solid Rock"
Obstetrician -- "He Is Able to Deliver Thee"
Optometrist -- "Open Mine Eyes That I Might See"
Politician -- "Standing on the Promises"
Real Estate Agent -- "I've Got a Mansion"
Stone Cutter -- "Rock of Ages"
Operator -- "There's a Call Comes Ringing"
Voice Teacher -- "Sing Tem Over Again to Me"
Watchman -- "Silent Night"
Weatherman -- "There Shall be Showers of Blessing"
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on June 18, 2004, 02:56:03 PM
Whoo! Great quotes y'all! :D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 19, 2004, 02:12:27 AM
"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."
Benjamin Franklin
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: ShinyKnight on June 19, 2004, 03:13:50 AM
"If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink."

-- Jack Handy
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on June 27, 2004, 11:01:24 PM
From an episode of Frasier, a US televsion show(last episode was aired a few months ago). Martin, is Frasier's father.

Frasier:  Dad, you have got to stop with the graveyard shifts or you're going to start seeing apparitions.
 
Martin:  No, don't worry about me, I'm pretty tough.  Listen, I'd love to stay here talkin' to you, but all this sunlight is makin' me dizzy.

Frasier:  What, you don't like the sun?

Martin:  Us night-shift guys call it "the scare ball."
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Yonkey on July 04, 2004, 07:04:58 AM
Hahahha!  Wow, I actually remember most of those things! :o  :suffer: XD
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on July 04, 2004, 01:38:24 PM
About 75%+ fits me.


One question,
Quote
You remember when Happy Meals came in a box.
They don't still come in a box?

and one statement.
Quote
You wish you had a light saber.
I've seen a real one! I have! I just don't have the money to waste on one  :(
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on July 04, 2004, 01:55:56 PM
Quote
You remember when Happy Meals came in a box.
They don't still come in a box?

Not in my part of the country, at least. They've switched to using bags. Not as much fun, IMHO.

At any rate, it's utterly scary how many of those are true for me. Heck, I still wear bicycle shorts under skirts (albeit for practical purposes now rather than fashion ones).

Still, there are a few that don't fit for me. For instance, I know I'll probably get lynched for this, but I don't think Saturday Night Live was *ever* funny. :P And I didn't wear Underoos, I had "Day of the Week" underwear. ;P (Heck, I probably should still wear those... I still can never keep track of what day it is.)

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on July 04, 2004, 02:36:28 PM
Quote
I don't think Saturday Night Live was *ever* funny.

It never could keep my interest long enough, for me to watch a full episode(or even a few minutes). Just seems extremely stupid to me.
Title: donotlose
Post by: Louisiana Night on July 04, 2004, 02:43:58 PM
Jethro: [Jed and Jethro are discussing a "fast" girl back in the hills] Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, "Jethro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take". Uncle Jed, that's when I found out just how fast she was!

[Jed leans in close to hear the rest of the story]

Jethro: I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie!

Jed Clampett: Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on July 10, 2004, 04:14:03 PM
Er... I would classify jelly shoes as shoes made of (usually brightly colored) plastic, usually set in some sort of "weave" pattern.

http://www.shoes.com/productimages/shoes_is56288.jpg

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on July 10, 2004, 05:20:54 PM
Q...I really hope that you didn't own a pair of jelly shoes!  :suffer:

Cat
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Drunken Chinchilla on July 12, 2004, 07:14:14 AM
I'm sure he looked DASHING in them at the ball  ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Questing Character on July 12, 2004, 04:25:11 PM
Okay, so I didn't actually know what jelly shoes were after all... ;]
Now I'm bugged by not knowing what the shoes I was talking about are actually called... :-\
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on July 14, 2004, 11:57:43 AM
"It's misused in any language...people use powerful words too lightly.  Love and hate.  The repecussions of these words are rarely truly understood."
-Anonymous

"Well, I know I don't truly hate anyone. I don't even hate mushrooms. I just dislike them. But seriously, a friend told me not to use the word hate because it's too strong. What he didn't tell me is that love is equally strong and needs to be used responsibly."
-Anonymous
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on July 15, 2004, 12:02:30 AM
Someone said this about me.  ;] <3

Heroes:
This time it's James. What would I do without such loyal friends such as him? Sometimes I forget me, and then James reminds me. It's all I could ask for.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on August 01, 2004, 11:18:32 AM
This isn't exactly a quote, but this seemed the best place to post about it.

You know how every movie theater before the movie shows a short bit where they lay down all the rules of the theater? (No talking, no smoking, no cell phones, etc.) Well, the theater Harrison and I saw Spidey 2 at yesterday had one of the funniest ones I've seen in a while.

It had a adult man, a young boy, and Charlie Sheen. (Sorry, he's the only one I recognized off-hand.) It starts with the first two already seated, and as Charlie sits down he asks, "So, you mean there's no nudity in a PG-13 movie?". The other man goes, "No, there's no nudity. Now shhhh." The boy goes, "Yeah, you're not allowed to talk." The words "NO TALKING" show up on the screen, and an announcer voice says, "There is no talking allowed during the movie."

Then we see Charlie lighting up and puffing away on a cigar, and the man leans over and takes it away and goes, "Hey, you can't do that either!" And we see "NO SMOKING", and the announcer says, "There is no smoking inside the theater."

Then the boy wipes his face with a napkin and tosses it on the floor. The man picks it up and says, "Hey, you can't throw that on the floor!" The boy pouts and whines, "Well, where am I supposed to put it?" We see "PLACE TRASH IN RECEPTACLES", and the announcer chimes in with, "Please throw all trash in the proper trash receptacles."

Then we see Charlie yakking on his cell phone, and the boy yanks it away and scolds him, and we see "NO CELL PHONES", and the announcer says "Turn off all cell phones and pagers during the movie."

Then an usher comes over to the trio and says, "I'm sorry, you folks are going to have to leave, you're disrupting the movie." The man says, "Oh, we're not really misbehaving, we're just showing the audience what not to do during a movie. These other folks are all extras. Some of them aren't even real!", and he pulls a fake blow-up dummy into view. Charlie chimes in with, "Yeah, this isn't even a real movie. Look at all the cameras and crew over there."

He points, and the shot then changes to seeing a blank movie screen with lots of crew and cameramen standing in front of it. We then go back to the usher, who's staring with a deadpan look on his face. He then waves and says, "Those cameras aren't allowed in here either, they'll have to leave." It changes back to showing the crew, we see "NO PHOTOGRAPHIC DEVICES", and the announcer says, "No recording devices are allowed during the show."

The shot changes back to the usher and the three "movie-goers", and the usher waves off to the right and says, "Yeah, he has to leave, too." The shot then changes to showing the announcer sitting in the theater in a suit and holding a microphone. "NO ANNOUNCERS" shows on screen, and the announcer guy says with a fake smile, "There are no announcers allowed during the movie."

Finally, we see the three movie-goers and the announcer leaving the theater. Charlie complains, "We just got kicked out of our own public service announcement." The boy asks, "I'm hungry. Can I get a hot dog?" The man goes, "No, that's just a prop, you can't eat those here. If this were a real movie, you could get a real hot dog."

The announcer then looks at the "audience" and says, "You can get refreshments at our local concession stand." The three movie-goers look back at the announcer, and Charlie says, "You have to go away and leave us alone now." The three then walk off-screen. The announcer looks hurt for a moment, then recovers and says, "And now it's time to enjoy the pre-feature previews!", and it ends.

The description just doesn't do it justice... everyone in the theater was sniggering like crazy during the whole thing. Now that's the way to handle the requisite laying down the rules!

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Yonkey on August 01, 2004, 11:23:57 AM
Hahaha!  :suffer:  I don't think I've seen that one yet.

By the way, those three guys are from the TV show "Two and a Half Men".  :P
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jeysie on August 01, 2004, 11:50:39 AM
By the way, those three guys are from the TV show "Two and a Half Men".  :P

Hee! Thanks. I was kind of wondering why they randomly had Charlie Sheen in such a thing. ;)

I actually think I forgot a couple things in there... my mind doesn't remember details that well. But you still get the gist of how silly it was. XD

Even better was when they said "No announcers", Harrison pretended to jump in shock, and said "Nooooo! They can't do this to me!" and pretended to start crying. That just made me laugh even harder. :suffer:

Peace & Luv, Liz
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on August 13, 2004, 02:45:49 PM
Subject: Dear Alcohol


Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed.  The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.  Yet, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.  While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.  Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not what to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie and some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik and topped off with a Kit Kat - all after a few cheese curls and chili cheese fries) is beyond me.  Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down, it's completely unnecessary.  The black and blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I clearly don't like when I'm sober, yet they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not.  Please do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase 'let's F***' is illegal  from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the acned-up face, bad breath, beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you and why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous now. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3 p.m hangover immobility is completely unacceptable.  My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken
(water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities. C'mon now, it's only fair - you do your part, I'll do mine.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms.  You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.  In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately.  I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you from your biggest fan.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 13, 2004, 10:01:58 PM
"Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

-- Mark Twain's definition of a classic
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on August 14, 2004, 02:08:06 AM
"Hi"
- Jon Grundy to all you KQ9 groupies
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Say on August 14, 2004, 02:28:54 AM
woah, that was so deep that... like... my life changed with just reading it <3

Jon is like the... ghandi or some important stuff of the kq9 or something :o lol



Ignore my stupid insomnia :)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on August 14, 2004, 02:34:20 AM
Jon has totally changed my life with his words of wisdom.

I'm like, totally, like, wow, man.  

Let's go eat some granola like the dope smoking hippies that we are... XD
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 14, 2004, 11:34:20 AM
"Character is what you are; reputation is what you try to make people think you are."

--anonymous
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on August 19, 2004, 10:15:21 PM
HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE (not that it's hard ;))

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Name your dog "Dog".
Never break eye contact.
Never make eye contact.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Set alarms for random times.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing along at the opera.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
Wear your pants backwards.
When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
dont use any punctuation either
only type in lowercase.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 19, 2004, 10:32:08 PM
Quote
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

*pictures it in his mind*

Now THAT's funny! XD

Quote
Honk and wave to strangers.

Won't work here, they'll assume they know you.

Quote
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Fun, but make sure you replace the beeps and bips with something else(I've forgotten most of it now :( ).

Quote
Name your dog "Dog".

That won't annoy most people, at least around here.

P.S. I know people that have done about 25-50% of those(many on the same day).
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jael on August 19, 2004, 10:35:50 PM
Quote
Quote:
Name your dog "Dog".
 

That won't annoy most people, at least around here.

Would you believe that my Grandparents owned a dog called "Dog"  :P. They found him but couldn't find the owners, so just took him in. They couldn't think what else to call him XB
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 19, 2004, 10:42:56 PM
Quote
Quote:
Name your dog "Dog".
 

That won't annoy most people, at least around here.

Would you believe that my Grandparents owned a dog called "Dog"  :P. They found him but couldn't find the owners, so just took him in. They couldn't think what else to call him XB

I'd believe it. It makes far more sense, than having a dog with multiple names(my grandparents have a dog with more than one name, but their dog found them, not the other way around).
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Grundy on August 19, 2004, 11:22:41 PM
"Hi"
- Jon Grundy to all you KQ9 groupies


This was because I couldn't access www.kq9.org because of an ISP error. SO I asked him to say 'Hi' for me!  :P

 ;)
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 19, 2004, 11:23:57 PM
"The dog of your boyhood teaches you a great deal about friendship, and love, and death: Old Skip was my brother."

----Willie Morris
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: koko_99_2001 on August 20, 2004, 05:31:23 AM
Quote
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

*pictures it in his mind*

Now THAT's funny! XD
Quote

Yeah, this is my favorite on on the whole list!

Quote
Name your dog "Dog".

That won't annoy most people, at least around here.

P.S. I know people that have done about 25-50% of those(many on the same day).

We used to have a dog named "Boy" sinc ehe was also a stray and that was the only thing he'd answer to.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: J-ROC on August 20, 2004, 02:12:56 PM
"Never trust a statistic that you didn't make up yourself."
- Anonymous
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 20, 2004, 06:41:50 PM
"I can't remember when we didn't get along. Mother had a rule that if we fought, no matter who started it, she'd spank us both. We'd go to laborious pains to sneak off for a fight somewhere she wouldn't catch us, and by the time we got to the barn or wherever, we'd lose our steam and forget about it."

----Dixie Carter
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: FataliOmega on August 23, 2004, 08:27:34 PM
"I trusted him like a brother, which is to say 'not at all.'"

-Prince Corwin from Zelazny's Amber Series
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 23, 2004, 08:57:46 PM
Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of.  You know whatever you do, they'll still be there.  ~Amy Li
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: FataliOmega on August 23, 2004, 10:20:49 PM

"If history is to change, then let it change.
If the world is to be destroyed, so be it.
If I am to die, I must simply laugh."

-Magus from Chrono Trigger
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Louisiana Night on August 23, 2004, 10:26:02 PM
History is a vast early warning system.  ~Norman Cousins
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Storm on December 29, 2004, 05:04:58 PM
Why God did not get tenure

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referenced journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world,
    but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time
    replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission
    to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it
      by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects did not behave as predicted,
      he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told the students
      to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements,
      most of his students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held
      on a mountaintop.
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Jafar on January 08, 2005, 11:17:56 PM
"Where's my Supersuit?"
"What?"
"WHERE is my SUPERSUIT?"
"WHY do you need to know?"
"The public is in danger!"
"MY EVENING IS IN DANGER!"
"YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUPERSUIT IS, WOMAN! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!"
"Greater good? I am your WIFE! I am the Greatest good you will ever get!"

The Incredibles rocked. ;D :suffer:
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Oldbushie on June 29, 2005, 06:32:31 PM
"I do not leak. You leak, remember?" -Max the spaceship from Flight of the Navigator.  ;D
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Lollotte on July 14, 2005, 11:32:09 AM
"This knife cuts through butter like a Jewish mother cuts through self esteem. Hey it's true! My mom is the most Jewish mother who ever lived!" --a classmate in math
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Raforever on July 17, 2005, 01:48:32 PM
"Crazyness, every one has it, some have more"

- APC teacher after a student called Rafael made an end of semester speach in class

XD
Title: Re:Random Quotes...
Post by: Lollotte on July 20, 2005, 09:31:11 PM
"God is silent. If only we could get man to shut up." --Woody Allen