Author Topic: Random Quotes...  (Read 37291 times)

Offline Jeysie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #140 on: July 04, 2004, 01:55:56 PM »
Quote
You remember when Happy Meals came in a box.
They don't still come in a box?

Not in my part of the country, at least. They've switched to using bags. Not as much fun, IMHO.

At any rate, it's utterly scary how many of those are true for me. Heck, I still wear bicycle shorts under skirts (albeit for practical purposes now rather than fashion ones).

Still, there are a few that don't fit for me. For instance, I know I'll probably get lynched for this, but I don't think Saturday Night Live was *ever* funny. :P And I didn't wear Underoos, I had "Day of the Week" underwear. ;P (Heck, I probably should still wear those... I still can never keep track of what day it is.)

Peace & Luv, Liz

Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #141 on: July 04, 2004, 02:36:28 PM »
Quote
I don't think Saturday Night Live was *ever* funny.

It never could keep my interest long enough, for me to watch a full episode(or even a few minutes). Just seems extremely stupid to me.

Offline Louisiana Night

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« Reply #142 on: July 04, 2004, 02:43:58 PM »
Jethro: [Jed and Jethro are discussing a "fast" girl back in the hills] Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, "Jethro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take". Uncle Jed, that's when I found out just how fast she was!

[Jed leans in close to hear the rest of the story]

Jethro: I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie!

Jed Clampett: Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2004, 02:44:39 PM by Louisiana Night »

Offline Jeysie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #143 on: July 10, 2004, 04:14:03 PM »
Er... I would classify jelly shoes as shoes made of (usually brightly colored) plastic, usually set in some sort of "weave" pattern.

http://www.shoes.com/productimages/shoes_is56288.jpg

Peace & Luv, Liz

Offline koko_99_2001

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #144 on: July 10, 2004, 05:20:54 PM »
Q...I really hope that you didn't own a pair of jelly shoes!  :suffer:

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Offline Drunken Chinchilla

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #145 on: July 12, 2004, 07:14:14 AM »
I'm sure he looked DASHING in them at the ball  ;)
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Offline Questing Character

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #146 on: July 12, 2004, 04:25:11 PM »
Okay, so I didn't actually know what jelly shoes were after all... ;]
Now I'm bugged by not knowing what the shoes I was talking about are actually called... :-\


Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #147 on: July 14, 2004, 11:57:43 AM »
"It's misused in any language...people use powerful words too lightly.  Love and hate.  The repecussions of these words are rarely truly understood."
-Anonymous

"Well, I know I don't truly hate anyone. I don't even hate mushrooms. I just dislike them. But seriously, a friend told me not to use the word hate because it's too strong. What he didn't tell me is that love is equally strong and needs to be used responsibly."
-Anonymous
« Last Edit: July 14, 2004, 12:06:09 PM by J-ROC »
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #148 on: July 15, 2004, 12:02:30 AM »
Someone said this about me.  ;] <3

Heroes:
This time it's James. What would I do without such loyal friends such as him? Sometimes I forget me, and then James reminds me. It's all I could ask for.
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline Jeysie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #149 on: August 01, 2004, 11:18:32 AM »
This isn't exactly a quote, but this seemed the best place to post about it.

You know how every movie theater before the movie shows a short bit where they lay down all the rules of the theater? (No talking, no smoking, no cell phones, etc.) Well, the theater Harrison and I saw Spidey 2 at yesterday had one of the funniest ones I've seen in a while.

It had a adult man, a young boy, and Charlie Sheen. (Sorry, he's the only one I recognized off-hand.) It starts with the first two already seated, and as Charlie sits down he asks, "So, you mean there's no nudity in a PG-13 movie?". The other man goes, "No, there's no nudity. Now shhhh." The boy goes, "Yeah, you're not allowed to talk." The words "NO TALKING" show up on the screen, and an announcer voice says, "There is no talking allowed during the movie."

Then we see Charlie lighting up and puffing away on a cigar, and the man leans over and takes it away and goes, "Hey, you can't do that either!" And we see "NO SMOKING", and the announcer says, "There is no smoking inside the theater."

Then the boy wipes his face with a napkin and tosses it on the floor. The man picks it up and says, "Hey, you can't throw that on the floor!" The boy pouts and whines, "Well, where am I supposed to put it?" We see "PLACE TRASH IN RECEPTACLES", and the announcer chimes in with, "Please throw all trash in the proper trash receptacles."

Then we see Charlie yakking on his cell phone, and the boy yanks it away and scolds him, and we see "NO CELL PHONES", and the announcer says "Turn off all cell phones and pagers during the movie."

Then an usher comes over to the trio and says, "I'm sorry, you folks are going to have to leave, you're disrupting the movie." The man says, "Oh, we're not really misbehaving, we're just showing the audience what not to do during a movie. These other folks are all extras. Some of them aren't even real!", and he pulls a fake blow-up dummy into view. Charlie chimes in with, "Yeah, this isn't even a real movie. Look at all the cameras and crew over there."

He points, and the shot then changes to seeing a blank movie screen with lots of crew and cameramen standing in front of it. We then go back to the usher, who's staring with a deadpan look on his face. He then waves and says, "Those cameras aren't allowed in here either, they'll have to leave." It changes back to showing the crew, we see "NO PHOTOGRAPHIC DEVICES", and the announcer says, "No recording devices are allowed during the show."

The shot changes back to the usher and the three "movie-goers", and the usher waves off to the right and says, "Yeah, he has to leave, too." The shot then changes to showing the announcer sitting in the theater in a suit and holding a microphone. "NO ANNOUNCERS" shows on screen, and the announcer guy says with a fake smile, "There are no announcers allowed during the movie."

Finally, we see the three movie-goers and the announcer leaving the theater. Charlie complains, "We just got kicked out of our own public service announcement." The boy asks, "I'm hungry. Can I get a hot dog?" The man goes, "No, that's just a prop, you can't eat those here. If this were a real movie, you could get a real hot dog."

The announcer then looks at the "audience" and says, "You can get refreshments at our local concession stand." The three movie-goers look back at the announcer, and Charlie says, "You have to go away and leave us alone now." The three then walk off-screen. The announcer looks hurt for a moment, then recovers and says, "And now it's time to enjoy the pre-feature previews!", and it ends.

The description just doesn't do it justice... everyone in the theater was sniggering like crazy during the whole thing. Now that's the way to handle the requisite laying down the rules!

Peace & Luv, Liz

Offline Yonkey

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #150 on: August 01, 2004, 11:23:57 AM »
Hahaha!  :suffer:  I don't think I've seen that one yet.

By the way, those three guys are from the TV show "Two and a Half Men".  :P
"A wish changes nothing. A decision changes everything."

Offline Jeysie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #151 on: August 01, 2004, 11:50:39 AM »
By the way, those three guys are from the TV show "Two and a Half Men".  :P

Hee! Thanks. I was kind of wondering why they randomly had Charlie Sheen in such a thing. ;)

I actually think I forgot a couple things in there... my mind doesn't remember details that well. But you still get the gist of how silly it was. XD

Even better was when they said "No announcers", Harrison pretended to jump in shock, and said "Nooooo! They can't do this to me!" and pretended to start crying. That just made me laugh even harder. :suffer:

Peace & Luv, Liz

Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #152 on: August 13, 2004, 02:45:49 PM »
Subject: Dear Alcohol


Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed.  The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.  Yet, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.  While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.  Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not what to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie and some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik and topped off with a Kit Kat - all after a few cheese curls and chili cheese fries) is beyond me.  Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down, it's completely unnecessary.  The black and blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I clearly don't like when I'm sober, yet they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not.  Please do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase 'let's F***' is illegal  from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the acned-up face, bad breath, beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you and why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous now. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3 p.m hangover immobility is completely unacceptable.  My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken
(water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities. C'mon now, it's only fair - you do your part, I'll do mine.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms.  You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.  In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately.  I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you from your biggest fan.
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #153 on: August 13, 2004, 10:01:58 PM »
"Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

-- Mark Twain's definition of a classic

Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #154 on: August 14, 2004, 02:08:06 AM »
"Hi"
- Jon Grundy to all you KQ9 groupies
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline Say

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #155 on: August 14, 2004, 02:28:54 AM »
woah, that was so deep that... like... my life changed with just reading it <3

Jon is like the... ghandi or some important stuff of the kq9 or something :o lol



Ignore my stupid insomnia :)


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Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #156 on: August 14, 2004, 02:34:20 AM »
Jon has totally changed my life with his words of wisdom.

I'm like, totally, like, wow, man.  

Let's go eat some granola like the dope smoking hippies that we are... XD
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #157 on: August 14, 2004, 11:34:20 AM »
"Character is what you are; reputation is what you try to make people think you are."

--anonymous

Offline Jael

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #158 on: August 19, 2004, 10:15:21 PM »
HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE (not that it's hard ;))

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Name your dog "Dog".
Never break eye contact.
Never make eye contact.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Set alarms for random times.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Sing along at the opera.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
Wear your pants backwards.
When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
dont use any punctuation either
only type in lowercase.

Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #159 on: August 19, 2004, 10:32:08 PM »
Quote
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

*pictures it in his mind*

Now THAT's funny! XD

Quote
Honk and wave to strangers.

Won't work here, they'll assume they know you.

Quote
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Fun, but make sure you replace the beeps and bips with something else(I've forgotten most of it now :( ).

Quote
Name your dog "Dog".

That won't annoy most people, at least around here.

P.S. I know people that have done about 25-50% of those(many on the same day).