Author Topic: Random Quotes...  (Read 37217 times)

Offline koko_99_2001

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2004, 09:21:41 AM »
I had this list sent to me...thought it was cool...wonder if any guys would be offended  ;D

Cat

BEHIND EVERY
SUCCESSFUL WOMAN
IS HERSELF

A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG
SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER
IN HOT WATER

I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN
ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW
TO COMBINE MARRIAGE
AND A CAREER

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST
BETTER RICH

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN
And I HAVE A GUN

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE
AND I KNOW HOW
TO USE IT

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...
I DID IT RIGHT
THE FIRST TIME

DO NOT START WITH ME.
YOU WILL NOT WIN

ALL STRESSED OUT
AND NO ONE
TO CHOKE

And last but not least:

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED,
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
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Offline Oldbushie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2004, 12:14:19 AM »
I like the last one. ;D
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Offline Oldbushie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #22 on: May 03, 2004, 02:21:23 AM »
LOL! XD Great ones!!!
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Offline Drunken Chinchilla

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #23 on: May 03, 2004, 05:42:54 AM »
Quote
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like that guy who went blind because he looked at an eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhle in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

HAHAHA classic! I used to have loads of quotes but my brain has booted the info for less important stuff... :S
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Offline Storm

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #24 on: May 03, 2004, 05:46:24 AM »
LMAO!!  ;D ;D

The ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS are the best... the other stuff I think I've seen online, can't remember where :P
"Never argue with idiots. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

Offline Questing Character

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #25 on: May 03, 2004, 08:58:23 AM »
OMG...the analogies and metaphors were great. I was cracking up.....I may have to use some of those some day and see what happens! :P


Offline koko_99_2001

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #26 on: May 03, 2004, 09:37:09 AM »

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck reversing.

This one's hilarious! Mainly b/c as soon as I finished reading it...a truck started backing up outside!  So I heard the bells!

Cat
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Offline copycat

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #27 on: May 04, 2004, 03:11:39 PM »
LOL ;D ;D ;D
I've seen some of those things in the past, but either my memory is repressing most of those, or there are new ones on these lists. 8)
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Offline Jael

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #28 on: May 05, 2004, 05:18:47 AM »
More quotes! Serious ones this time. Though I have some good one-liners.

 - A tree doesn't ponder why it grows one gnarled branch, a dog why one ear flops half-mast, a clover why it sprout three leaves, not four. What is broken, mends; what is stretched to the limit, strengthens. That which is flawed glows with a certain beauty -- Anon

 - The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little stardust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched -- Henry David Thoreau

 - Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat -- Harry Emerson Fosdick

 - There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility lies in being superior to your previous self -- Hindu proverb

 - There is only one real failure in life that is possible and that is, not to be true to the best one knows -- Frederick Farrer

One Liners:

 - Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow!
 - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
 - Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
 - I got lost in thought. I was in unfamiliar territory.
 - The reason talk is cheap is because supply exceeds demand.
 - Nothing is so simple that it can't be screwed up.
 - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions
 - On the road to knowledge, I've only ever found the exit.
 - If you throw a cat out of a car window, is that kitty litter?

And my favourite:

 - The two rules of success:
       1. Don't tell everything you know.

Offline Oldbushie

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #29 on: May 05, 2004, 05:21:30 AM »
Great quotes! :D

Poor Fosdick though, his name doesn't escape the censorbot. :P
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Offline Jael

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #30 on: May 05, 2004, 05:26:09 AM »
Haha! I know. I cracked up when I first saw it :D. Poor guy, it's not his fault ;).

Offline copycat

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #31 on: May 05, 2004, 01:41:25 PM »
My boss's first name also didn't escape the censorbot at work when he tried to unsubscribe to something which he had to do via a website.
Dick. XB
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Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #32 on: May 05, 2004, 05:34:58 PM »
A Deep Thought, brought to you by Jack Handy:

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw screw you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline koko_99_2001

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #33 on: May 08, 2004, 07:39:29 PM »
Sixteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn by Dave Barry
 
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
 
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
 
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
 
7. Never lick a steak knife.
 
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
 
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Final thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


Cat
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Offline Jael

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #34 on: May 09, 2004, 02:13:07 AM »
LOL! Those are great!

I can't believe I forgot one of my very favourites: Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Anywayz, Ways to Cope with Stress

1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

5. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

6. Dance naked in front of your pets.

7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre- school as if nothing is wrong.

8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

9. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

10. Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.

11. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

12. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

13. Drive to work in reverse.

14. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

15. Polish your car with earwax.

16. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

17. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2004, 03:33:43 AM by Jael »

Offline James Thunderland

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #35 on: May 09, 2004, 09:41:43 AM »
Kinda a negative quote....and i cant memba where i heard it, maybe i made it up :/  Well here goes..

"If practice makes perfect...but nobodys perfect, then why practice at all?"
Through avarice, evil smiles; Through insanity, it sings...

Offline Say

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #36 on: May 12, 2004, 04:58:12 AM »
wooo hahah look at this thread, its been a while since I visited haha I love them all! :P

as to agree with James (dont feel bad I guess all quotes are welcome here ;P)

I heard some like "If ignorance is a bliss... why isnt there more ppl happy?"

(or something like that :P, dont quite remember it perfectly) :D


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Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #37 on: May 12, 2004, 12:17:21 PM »
Taken from Frank Herbert's DUNE:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fears path, and only I will remain.
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones

Offline B'rrr

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #38 on: May 12, 2004, 05:08:09 PM »
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fears path, and only I will remain.

...hmmm, sounds like a Bene Gesserit litany to me, right?? ..lol, I just loved Dune ; )
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Offline J-ROC

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Re:Random Quotes...
« Reply #39 on: May 12, 2004, 11:59:50 PM »
Paul Atredes, my friend.
Just look at me,
I'm living proof that,
TIME HEALS NOTHING!

- from Time Heals Nothing by Danko Jones