A very special Woot!

[Jeysie]

(confused look)

I just never understood the whole "opposites attract" concept. I've had several "opposite" friendships, and one "opposite" relationship, and I found all of them to be OK at best, and usually pretty mediocre.

The one guy I dated was totally opposite from me, and it was completely unsatisfying. I couldn't talk to him about any of the things I liked or was good at, because he didn't understand and/or care about them. And he couldn't talk to me about any of his interests because I didn't understand and/or care about them. The few things we did have common knowledge of we had completely opposite tastes/views on. So all we ever did was argue.

Then there was my best gal pal. We also had completely different tastes and personalities. I liked her, but we just sort of talked *at* each other about our lives and interests. And we admitted we could never figure out each other's motivations and personalities. Whenever we did something, it was usually pretty one-sided... one day she'd do stuff she liked and I'd sort of neutrally tag along, and one day we'd do stuff I liked, and she'd sort of neutrally tag along. So we had days of me vacantly following her around as she shopped for clothes, and her vacantly following me around as I looked around the local museums, for instance.

Then I met Harrison, and it was like... finally I have someone who likes some of the same TV shows and movies as I do so I don't have to watch them alone. Finally had someone who likes doing some of the same things as me so I don't have to do them alone. He thinks about the world enough like me that we can talk to each other and usually understand where the other is coming from. (We don't always agree, but we understand each other.) I finally have someone I can be around where I don't feel like a complete freak compared to them.

So, I mean... what exactly is the attraction of someone completely different than you? How do you actually connect on anything, have anything to talk about or do together, or relate to each other? Never worked for me at all.

I find I'm usually drawn to being friends with or being romantically interested in people who are similar to me. Not completely similar, but close enough that there's a lot of commonality with just enough difference to make things interesting. I very seldom have a great deal of interest in hanging out with someone who's very different than me, even if I think they're a good person. Am I just weird/doomed?

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Questing Character]

Jeysie, there you go bringing up Harrison again.  Will you just get together with him already??  GEEZ!!!

Anyhow, I have to agree. Opposites attract has never been a good theory by me.  But similar people piss me off because I am a difficult to get along with person.  There's got to be a nice mixture of sameness and difference or it just isn't gonna be pretty.

[Yonkey]

Whoops, maybe I should clarify a bit.  I'm not attracted to people that are the complete opposite of me, and I'm not attracted to people that are too similar to me.  I find those both to be extremes and personally I don't like either.

Having common interests and things to talk about is really great.  In fact, all of my close friends have something(s) in common with me, which is probably why they are close friends and not aquaintances.  

However, there are things about my personality that I dislike (I'm sure everyone has them) and if I detect them in other people, I usually lose immediate interest before it gets too late.  Heh, I'm being vague on purpose here, but I'm sure we all do the same thing in some form or another.

I guess the whole attractiveness about opposites is the "mystique" part of it.   You get to learn more and more about the person then more you know them.  Actually, one of the reasons I don't like extremely outgoing people (by this I mean the obnoxious-drunks-at-a-bar type of outgoing) is because I feel like I know their life story within the first 10 minutes of meeting them.  Sadly, the majority of the time that's the truth!  

[Questing Character]

Well, I *hate* it when girls play hard-to-get because then I think they hate me.  And then SIX months later, they tell me they've liked me for six months.  Of course, the real problem was that I wasn't attracted to her, I just thought she was cool in a friend way.  But then, six months of her playing hard to get while i'm just trying to be friends....*sigh* One more example of women not making any sense. Ever.
The Miss Enigma thing doesn't work for me either.  Sure I want to get to know other people, but I don't want it to be *work*.

[Mary Jane]

Thanks to all!

[copycat]

Also, you might want to check my profile. I'm 18 - eight years younger than you. That's practically pedophelia

Only 8 years younger? My mother is 7 years younger than my father, so what's your problem?

IRL, I'm a shy type too. I have never approached a girl, which is probably an important reason of me still being single. On the Internet or in e-mails, I have no problem 'approaching' a girl, and after a while, I might suggest a RL-meeting. But, going up to a girl in RL, no way, at least not in the way of asking her out on a date.
Our auditor (at work) had a new (female) collaborator last time, and I had to sum up all the guts that I had just to ask her name.

[Jeysie]

I dunno how old your parents were when they got married, CC, but a 7 year difference between an 18 year old and a 25 year old, is different than between a 23 year old and a 30 year old, and is different than between a 45 year old and a 52 year old... it's pretty relative. IMHO, the older you get, the greater the span of years in a given "Life Experience Level"... so you can have someone a greater distance in age than you, but still be on the same wavelength of where you are in life.

Or something like that.

As for being shy around the opposite sex in particular... yeah, almost anyone's going to get nervous asking someone out on a *date*, for sure. But just *talking* to a member of the opposite sex... never been a problem for me. (Well, apart from general problems with talking to people I don't know well.)

I mean... the only major fundamental difference between me and a member of the opposite sex is our basic anatomy... most other differences are just going to be ones of different personalities and upbringings, and thus cannot be determined simply by gender. Therefore, I never felt more nervous over simply talking to a guy I don't know than I do talking to a girl I don't know.

As for romance... I think it's better to get to know someone as a friend first before you ask them out, so that makes things a little easier. (At least you know that if they reject you, they'll be nice about it. )

Your mileage may vary, of course.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[copycat]

I dunno how old your parents were when they got married, CC,

IIRC, my dad was 28, so my mom would have been 21.

[Jael]

Also, you might want to check my profile. I'm 18 - eight years younger than you. That's practically pedophelia  
 
Only 8 years younger? My mother is 7 years younger than my father, so what's your problem?

I dunno how old your parents were when they got married, CC, but a 7 year difference between an 18 year old and a 25 year old, is different than between a 23 year old and a 30 year old, and is different than between a 45 year old and a 52 year old... it's pretty relative. IMHO, the older you get, the greater the span of years in a given "Life Experience Level"... so you can have someone a greater distance in age than you, but still be on the same wavelength of where you are in life.

Sorry, CC. My reply was really harsh. I was feeling pretty nasty and sarcastic that day .

Actually, there's 8 years between between my mum and dad. They were 30 and 22 when they married. I've never had a problem with it. But, as Jeysie said, it's relative. My mum was extremely mature for her age - it was probably a good decision. And I'm not saying I won't do the same. But when you're fairly young, huge age gaps aren't tempting.

Also (not saying that I was justified in what I wrote ), I am only 18, but I could pass for 23-24 if I wanted to. I just seem to look so much older than I am. This has the unfortunate side-affect of me actually getting hit on by middle-aged men at work/public transport/etc because they think I'm about 5 years older than I really am, and this happened before I was 18. It's really embarrasing and intimidating to have to point out my real age. That's partly why I'm more inclined to someone the same age as me.

Hee, I like Jael... she's better at essay-writing than I am!

 

[koko_99_2001]

We all like Jael!  btw, do you have yahoo messenger or MSN?  That way, we can get online and hear from you...that why, when you're in a sarcastic mood, we'll know!

While we're talking about ages, my parents are only two years apart, but they got married when Momma was 18 and Daddy was 20...but, like Jael said about her mother, both my parents were extremely mature for their young ages!  And 29 years later, they're still married (amazing in today's society!)

Cat

[Jael]

btw, do you have yahoo messenger or MSN?  That way, we can get online and hear from you...that why, when you're in a sarcastic mood, we'll know!

I don't have either, but I could probably get MSN. Timezones might cause some difficulties, though. I live in Australia - the opposite side of the world to nearly everyone else

[Questing Character]

Of course, Jeysie, if you act like you're expecting a guy to say no to you, he's probably going to say no because you don't act like you want him to say "yes", right?  So then you have yourself a catch-22:
You could expect him to say no so that you're hopes don't get dashed...and then he says no because that's what you're expecting!

Heheheh, Jael...some middle aged men hit on anyone who's younger than them.  I have a friend who's 16, looks about 14, and was working at this restaurant for a while.....the stories she told...>shakes head< Ewwww.

[Jeysie]

It's possible, Questie... but since I usually wait until I've known a guy for at least a few weeks before I ask, I'm not sure how much that might actually affect things. (Truth be told, subtlety isn't one of my strong points, so it's probably fairly obvious I like a guy before I come out and say it. )

As for parental age... my mom was 27 and my dad was 25 when they got married (and the first marriage for both), so I've definitely got a different perspective on the matter.

Then there's the fact that I had a friend who was in a teenage parent school for a while, and she was not only one of the oldest girls there at 16, but also the only girl where the father of her kid was under 20. I know that most older men-younger woman relationships aren't like that, but it's still got a stigma of distaste for me.

And... I know exactly how you feel, Jael! I've had thirties-to-middle-aged men hitting on me ever since I was 15. (There was also the time when I was 8, and I had a couple of 15-year-olds try hitting on me... that was just creepy.) In my case, they actually think I'm their age, too, because when I tell them my real age, they practically run. What's even more frustrating is that guys my own age won't even give me the time of day. What gives?

Peace & Luv, Liz

[copycat]

Sorry, CC. My reply was really harsh. I was feeling pretty nasty and sarcastic that day .

No need to apologize, I was just pointing out that an 8-year gap is not that bad.
BTW, don't use M$N, anything M$-related is bad. Try Trillian or GAIM instead.

[Say]

hahah cant belive I missed this post!

Kinda like my obsession with South Americans ladies...RAWR!  Now a South American non-engineer...*swoon*

lol, omg

[J-ROC]

*NUDGE NUDGE*

*HINT HINT*

 

[Storm]

(Belated) congrats, Renfrew!!  
Sorry for missing it... I don't usually read threads with "woot" in the title

The old guys/girls relationship topics... It's amazing how many threads end up with it  

Yeah, but Art has better girlz than Engineering!  

You know, they have better guys as well

In the 4 years I've been studying, I haven't seen a single guy worth looking at in any of my classes... or in the entire faculty, for that matter. No wonder I was bored out of my head

[Yonkey]

(Belated) congrats, Renfrew!!  
Sorry for missing it... I don't usually read threads with "woot" in the title

But this was a very special Woot!    

Yeah, but Art has better girlz than Engineering!  

You know, they have better guys as well

In the 4 years I've been studying, I haven't seen a single guy worth looking at in any of my classes... or in the entire faculty, for that matter. No wonder I was bored out of my head

Haha, ok I didn't know that   but thanks for proving the "opposites attract" point extends to students from the faculty of Math/Science too.  

[Storm]

(Belated) congrats, Renfrew!!  
Sorry for missing it... I don't usually read threads with "woot" in the title

But this was a very special Woot!    

I know... that's why I read it now

Haha, ok I didn't know that   but thanks for proving the "opposites attract" point extends to students from the faculty of Math/Science too.  

But then, I don't recall finding anyone particularly attractive in any of the other faculties either... I'm sorry to say that while the girls in my country are reputed to be very beautiful (present company excluded, of course) the guys are really not much to write home about  

As for "opposites attract" - from my experience, it only works in the short term. In the long term, people tend to get on each other's nerves, and the same different thing they found so attractive in the begining become de-mystified and annoying  

[Jeysie]

The old guys/girls relationship topics... It's amazing how many threads end up with it  

That's because we're mostly lonely geeks/nerds here.

Peace & Luv, Liz