I like this story so far (I've yet to read the second half, as I'm not feeling up to it). It needs a handful of changes (run-on sentences and common wording errors, mainly), but it's creative, and includes a nice twist. Good job!
While I'm thinking of it, I'll say this:
"Taken back" is better written as "taken aback."
...she saw Herbert laying in the sand.Laying
is the wrong verb; try Lying