The What Are You Doing Thread #8

[Numbers]

Hey waltzdancing, if you're having problems, just know that there are a lot of people on this forum to talk to, myself being one of them. And if you need me, and I say this from the bottom of my heart...I am probably not available, and I'm sorry in advance. And furthermore, if coming to me for help ever strikes you as a good idea, then your troubles run far deeper than anyone realized.



But on the plus side, I'm sure that there are other more useful people who would be interested.

[waltzdancing]

Thanks Numbers. That picture of Loki made me smile today

[KatieHal]

I can offer you this awesome dog: www.buzzfeed.com/tanyachen/pun-dog-puns-that-will-instantly-brighten-your-day?bffb

[Numbers]

I can offer you this awesome Anna Kendrick:

[GrahamRocks!]

 

Yay for puns! Where would we be without them?

[Numbers]

The KQ death messages wouldn't be as quotable, that's for sure.

KQ2+ obituary (when falling off a cliff): You have just discovered the gravity of your situation.

[snabbott]

I can offer you this awesome Anna Kendrick:

[Numbers]

[icarus]

-working
-bouncing
tomorow going into the next step. My friend and I are going to plan a party next year to celibrate we're togegether (almost a wedding) and we're going to a party location to discust all.

[waltzdancing]

- Getting Easter Egg stuff ready for my kiddos tomorrow.
-Hanging out with my brother and Tadpole
-Playing Nancy Drew
-Excited tomorrow is movie, Easter egg hunt, and start of Spring Break

[Numbers]

Meanwhile, I'm cringing at the early response to The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

[waltzdancing]

I am doing absolutely nothing except sitting on the sofa, napping and watching Top Gear. It is heaven.

[GrahamRocks!]

Today's my birthday!

[snabbott]

Today's my birthday!

Happy birthday, GrahamRocks!

[Numbers]

I'm a bit busy dealing with a sudden influx of spiders at my house. I think they're getting a little out of hand.



They got chainguns and sh*t, yo.

Happy birthday, by the way.

[writerlove]

Happy birthday Taylor! I hope you had a great day

Ah, Doom! I totally remember that game. i used to play it when I was younger. Probably shouldn't at the age I was. But slaying the cacodemons was fun!

What am I doing?
-Posting at the forum for the first time in forever (waits to Andi to start singing Frozen music with me)
-Thinking, it's 2 a.m. I need to go bed

[GrahamRocks!]

- Just got done writing up constructive criticism for a guy on Fanfiction. Net that I've had my eye on for awhile. I hope i got my points across and I hope I wasn't too harsh. He sounds like a nice guy, and i don't want to hurt his feelings or invoke "Don't bite the hand that feeds you".

[Numbers]

Ah, Doom! I totally remember that game. i used to play it when I was younger. Probably shouldn't at the age I was. But slaying the cacodemons was fun!

Well, you know the old saying: "A day that goes by without killing a cacodemon is like a day without sunshine." Or something to that effect. I still play fanmade Doom stuff to this day. Some of it is pretty brutal...Brutal Doom, for instance, is pretty brutal.

GrahamRocks, you need to stop being so nice. If the time comes to criticize someone, don't hold back. Just drop a train on 'em. Trust me. Absolutely nothing will go wrong. 

[GrahamRocks!]

Good point. I was just not wanting to start ranting and yelling at him. The guy is named Balin Lord of Moria, btw.

Here's what I wrote to him:

Spoiler (mouse over to reveal):

Okay. I'm going to try to keep my cool here and not get angry. I've been thinking about doing this for the past month or so.

Do you mind if I give you some constructive criticism, Balin?

If I may be honest here, I don't really like any of your stories. I have my reasons why:

1. Your stories are bland. None of the stories I've read of yours have any sort of conflict or tension, or if there is, it's resolved very quickly. Your stories have no plot most of the time and you seemingly just write for writing's sake. Because there's no plot, there's no arc in the storytelling, and it's just left dull and rather pointless. Your drabbles aren't very good either, since all I'm seeing is just summaries of the game split into different chapters. Look, I know you have a limit of 200-300 words, but... you could do SO much more with it! Because there's no tension, I have no reason to feel for these characters. There's no emotion, and thusly I simply don't care. Now, don't tell me that, "Oh, you know all about these games already so you know what you're supposed to feel if you know what game it is and what scene it is!" because I can still care about the characters, regardless if I know the solution at the end or not according to canon. Want a GREAT example of this? This story by Truth Questor: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9939881/1/More-Than-You-Think I knew the story of King's Quest 3 and 4. I knew that things were going to be alright for Rosella here, but because this story was actually written well, I still cared about Rosella and Graham and Valanice. There was actual emotion put into the dialogue here that made me genuinely saddened for them, something I just don't get with your writings.

2. You have some interesting ideas, but you don't execute them well. For example, Two Tragic Pasts Form A Bond, you know the story where Alexander and Cassima are talking in bed? That's a GREAT idea! I can picture a scene like that happening somewhere, like say their wedding night. However. why is this poorly executed? Because it's just that. Dialogue, and a LOT of it. Perhaps you've heard of this great storytelling technique called "Show, Don't Tell"? Sure, you TELL us that Alexander is as humble as a street sweeper, but you don't bother to SHOW us this in his actions. Give me details on their night, what was it like? Show me what they did while out  on the town and give us scenes where Alexander acts less like a haughty Prince like we'd expect and moreso like a humble commoner.  Going back to More Than You Think by Truth Questor, I can actually picture clearly what's happening in the story because she gives us detail about, say, how Daventry looks, which my mind immediately went to what we saw in King's Quest 3 at the end. Even my story, "Meet Your Maker!"  gives you more detail and shows more than you do, which I will focus in my next point.

3. To be honest, your "A Cop Creates A Cop" and "Sleazy Swinger At Play" stories just seem like poorly done ripoffs of my story.  I knew from the get-go that the premise was going to be the same (IIRC you told me this in your review), but still, I noticed that you made the characters incompetant at doing their jobs. Graham, in my story, was overwhelmed by the fact that he of all people was going to be chosen to be King of Daventry, yes, and you can tell that he's nervous about all this being thrown at him at once but he still was willing and able to do his job as a knight. Sonny, in your story, acted like it was his first day on the job and doesn't even know basic procedures and just wanted to act like he was in Dirty Harry. Sonny Bonds, according to the lore, is a fifteen year veteran officer in the Lytton PD. He SHOULD know how to act like an actual policeman by now! You also have the opening paragraph explain the story right away with no suspense or tension. Going back to my story again, yes, WE know who Sir Graham is and that he's an adventure game character, but he doesn't. In fact, did you notice what happened when Graham asked Roberta how she knew everything was going to be alright and how she knew all this stuff? He got punished by Roberta with a splitting headache that caused him intense pain enough for him not to risk having that happen again, and Roberta said to him, "Bring up the subject of how I know all these things again, Sir Graham, and I’ll give you worse than a nasty headache. Do I make myself clear?” which tells us that she could do much worse to him than just that. Here's the exchange in full:

As soon as Graham left the castle entrance and came back outside, his serious knightly composure dropped. “King?!” he exclaimed, placing a hand on his head in bewilderment. “He wants me to be king, Roberta?!”

“Yes, Graham.”

“B-but I’m a knight! I don’t know how to be king! How is the kingdom going to prosper with a man who has no idea how to rule on their throne?” Graham questioned, a whirlwind of horrible scenarios from the idea of him on the throne rushing through his mind.

“Graham,” Roberta said gently, “it’s alright. You’ll do fine.”

Graham frowned, “And how do you know that, Roberta? How do you know it’ll be fine?”

“Trust me, Graham, I just do. I can’t tell you how I know-“

“Why? Just tell me! It’ll set me at ease.”

“No, it’ll only make things worse if you knew what I did, sir knight. You wouldn’t be able to withstand this knowledge I have.”

“What, will my head explode?”

“No… I’d have to do something I’ll regret.”

“And what’s that?” he wondered.

There was no reply from Roberta.

“…Roberta? Are you there?”

Hesitantly, she spoke up again. “Yes Graham, I’m here. I just… I don’t want to discuss this right now. In fact, I’d like it if you never to ask about this again.”

“But I need to- AGH!” Graham suddenly felt a splitting headache coming on for some reason. He clutched at his head and yelled, “STOP! THAT HURTS!!”

Roberta yelled back in reply, “DROP THE SUBJECT, NOW!!”

Through gritted teeth and intense pain he managed to say, “Alright! Alright, I’m sorry! Just make it stop!!”

The pain immediately stopped and relief washed over him. He stood there for a moment to catch his breath and allow his heart to calm down as sweat dripped off him.

“Bring up the subject of how I know all these things again, Sir Graham, and I’ll give you worse than a nasty headache. Do I make myself clear?”

Graham could hear that she was dead serious so he nodded vigorously and stuttered, “Y-yes, Roberta. I will not ask you again.”

As if a switch had been flipped, Roberta replied gleefully, “Wonderful! Now then, shall we begin this quest proper, sir knight?”

Graham replied with slight fear in his voice, “Y-yes ma’am. I… I think we should. Um, if you don’t mind me asking though, where am I headed first?”

She is clearly not telling Graham something here judging from that reaction. We can probably hazard a guess to what it is (that he's a character in a computer game), but we're still held in suspense a little as we're wondering, "When will he find out? What's going to happen to Graham when he finds out? How will Roberta react? Will it be worse than this or will she cut him some slack?" and that this will inevitably happen someday thhat he'll discover something he wasn't supposed to know, judging from how curious about everything he is already.

4. The fact that you put a HUGE bout of spirituality in your stories CONSTANTLY is starting to bug me. Most especially in fandoms like King's Quest, where it's already been established in the official lore and games that Christianity exists- The Monastery of the Blessed Wilbury in Kolyma and the church in Daventry. You don't really need to mention it in that fandom because it's already right there! And then there's ones like Quest For Glory where religion isn't established very much at all, aside from mentions of the Greek Gods in Dragon Fire and you shoehorning in the Chief Thief of Spielburg talking about Christmas and baby Jesus feels really tacked on. You shouldn't do that constantly.

-
I think you were harsher, Numbers.

[Numbers]

Interesting read. I would compare it to my own feedback, if I could find it. I don't even really remember what I said, actually.

Either way, any story someone comes up with is immediately a risk as soon as they share it with anyone else, whether it be on the Internet or just their parents. But I would say it's a good idea to put your ideas out there, because at least you put something out there. There will always be plenty of people who sit back lazily and tear down the stuff that they see, contributing nothing useful of their own volition in the process. Screw them and their egos. They're not worth paying attention to.

Note that I'm not specifically referring to online comedy acts like the Nostalgia Critic, Atop the Fourth Wall, or Retsupurae. They definitely bash stuff, but the difference is that they bash it in a comedic manner that makes for an entertaining experience for those watching, and hopefully put whoever they're criticizing in their place. Straight-up trolls are what I'm referring to. Like yours truly, incidentally.

Fortunately, constructive criticism is what you've offered, along with some specific references to get your point across. And because you have experience with this sort of thing, you're more than qualified to give it. Hell, even I'm qualified, by virtue of putting some stuff of my own out there. However, it's more politically-oriented content for my college education, and I doubt anyone on this forum would be interested in it.

I like the little note you made about religion in King's Quest. I'm not quite sure what the God figure, the Odin if you will, of the KQ universe is. Maybe the Archon of the Realm of the Sun that you see from time to time in MoE? He didn't seem very all-powerful, though. Perhaps the Three Fates from KQ7, although they're very detached from the rest of the world. And who would be the Satan figure? Samhain is the Lord of the Dead, which makes him a kind of Hades-esque figure, but apparently he judges souls fairly and places them in the eternal living quarters that they deserve; Satan only lords over damned souls, not righteous ones. And the Monks in KQ2 are Christian, but as pointed out above, there aren't really any Christian deities in the games. KQ is a very confusing franchise.