Online friends vs. offline friends

[Jeysie]

(This is a slightly personal topic, so I figured Haven was as good a place as any. )

I've thought about this matter before, but tonight got me really thinking about it a bit.

Earlier tonight, Harrison asked me when I'd be done online, so he could go online. I was downloading something, so I very sincerly said I'd be done in about 20 minutes when it was finished downloading.

Well, as the download was getting close to finished, an online friend "buzzed" me. I'd managed to get myself into some issues with him, and he wanted to talk about it. So I started trying to sort things out with him. And then a couple other people buzzed me. And then I had another friend with some problems (thankfully not with me as well), and well, by time I got it all sorted out and disentangled myself, it was a lot longer than 20 minutes!

Harrison was a bit cranky at this. So I apologized and said that I'd had some online friends approach me with some issues. I then pointed out that I'd actually wanted to get offline to work on stuff, so getting bogged down wasn't that great a development for me either. He asked me why I couldn't have just said I didn't have time to talk, and I asked him, well, if some of his friends had problems, wouldn't he want to help them? He didn't really have an answer for that.

That sort of thing's come up before, though. I like to help people out wherever I can, and have a lot of ideas in my head I want to do, and between the two of those things I've managed to bite off a bit more than I can chew and I'm pretty bogged down with stuff to do for myself and for online friends. So I've been having to beg off going out offline and doing things because I've got so much stuff to do. But it looks to another person that I spend all my time just wasting time on my computer.

I told Harrison, well, if he promised to do stuff for his friends, wouldn't he do it? He said that was different (meaning, promising offline friends instead of online ones).

Which got me wondering... is it different? I know this is sort of a biased crowd to ask, but... Is it just that the two of us think on different wavelengths about this sort of thing? Or is it that I'm trying to justify the fact that I've never had much of an offline social life, even before I got internet access? I do know either way I've unintentionally been kind of a jerk to Harrison lately, but I'm not sure what to do about it, since I do have a lot of stuff I promised to do for people, even if they are online ones. This seems to be my week for unintentionally causing problems in general.

Blargh. Any perspectives?

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Say]

lol, my online friends are the same as offline friends, so to me it's all the same, but my real real friends here, Dean and Cesar and stuff.

Example, Dean and Cesar DID help me with my thesis, Dean was there bitching at me to get s*** done and understanding lol and Cesar actually did went though the whole document helping me review it and such, my point is that they both have done things for me that are beyond favors or meaningful things but in one way or another we've met 2 years by now and we are extremely close to each other, I have talked to both, I've seen them both (webcam & microphone) we do work together and such, we do respect each other and sometimes I get to talk more than Cesar than to what I actually do to my mom lol. So if that's not a REAL friend, geez... I dont know what it is. Cesar is closer to me and Im closer to Dean but we 3 are pretty close I would say.

Even my mom knows about Cesar and Dean lol, my mom has even talked to Cesar many times by now hahaha, so yeah, to me it is real

But my offline friends are exactly the same as my online friends, just for the sake I go offline it doesnt means they are not my friends anymore, but yeah I know what you meant though, and I would say I dont have anyone like that here myself.

[Louisiana Night]

I'm hoping you were asking anyone who was willing to listen. If not, just say so.

I think that Offline friends are probaby more important. Although if they're your friends, it's as simple as that, they're your friends. I think Harrison should have been more understanding. I didn't hear it from both sides, so I can't be sure about that last statement.

P.S. I have few friends(online or offline), because few people will put up with me. So I'm probably biased, I normally put family first anyways.

[Jeysie]

I never spend much time with my family anymore, so that's not much of a consideration. (Not for any reason related to this, I should add.)

And yeah, anyone who wants to can say something. I suppose I wasn't really looking for advice, per se, so much as I was curious about how other people feel about this sort of thing in their own lives (if it's even an issue!).

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Oldbushie]

I treat online friends just as well as offline friends, but my mom doesn't seem to understand me having friends I've never met face to face. It seems to me that there's always a risk with either online or offline people, there will always be hidden things you don't know about. Either way, I don't think that online people are any less deserving of respect than offline folk.

[Louisiana Night]

You asked for perspectives, so I gave one.
I don't think many people would post it on the public boards, if it was very important. Then again, this is Haven...

Now I'm wondering why I'm in here...

[Jeysie]

Heh, I didn't mean to sound critical... just that you sounded a bit unsure with your post, so I wanted to clarify what I was really wondering about.

Peace & Luv, Liz

[Louisiana Night]

I was slightly unsure of my post. I rarely join forums, this is the 5th one that I've joined,and half the time they're company forums. So trying to avoid causing a disturbance has become habit. I'm new to the forum, more or less, and am just finding out what kind of people are here. I haven't had to be too careful with what I've posted so far.

Square-Enix wouldn't have thought twice about kicking out somone that caused them the slightest trouble. I also haven't had to worry about the people that go looking for a fight(FPS players), that tend to lie about people that they don't like, simply to get them kicked out. So far I'm liking it here just fine, and am hoping that I didn't go too far off topic.

P.S. I don't mean all FPS players, there are just a lot more trouble-makers in the FPS groups.

[B'rrr]

I would prefer ....friends, i don't care if I see them only offline or online, I have a few good friends, most I see only offline,

....but some online ppl (one in particular  ) I would love to see offline, cuz there are beautiful ppl online i never even met offline  

[J-ROC]

Well, here's my ten cents worth...(you know, taxes, inflation, etc. )

To me, there is a difference between online and IRL (in real life).  I'm not sure if I'll explain in correctly or explain in well, but I'll give it a go.

I don't really act any differently online or offline.  (So yes, I'm this much of a jackass in real life, too...)  I do develop an emotional bond that can be as strong as with people I know IRL.  I express myself, I talk, I listen, I care, I webcam, I use the microphone, I connect with people, I dislike certain people.  It's a distinct and real form of interaction.  (it's easier to be insincere online, but people can lie to you IRL, too.)

BUT....as real as it all is, what do all of us who met online want to do when we realize we connect with someone.  We want to meet.  We want to interact IRL.  To me, that suggests that there's something more IRL. (Maybe not more, but at least different.)  Is it a certain closeness?  Is it another way to connect?  Is it just being able to say what you want to say to people and right to their face?  Is it the ability to hug or someone you care about?  I'm not sure what it is....and it's probably different for everyone.  But there seems to be some sort of additional "reality" in person than online.

Again, not that online is completely meaningless, trivial, or a difference with how you act....but there's something extra with doing the same thing IRL.


Now, as to how other people see it....I think I might be able to state that a little more clearly.

Simply put, those who have met other people online understand it, and those who have never done it just don't get it.
For example:
I went out to a friend I initially met online, and then later met in person.  We decided to hang out one night and we were also meeting additional friends of mine (who I've all met in person before).  So, we meet up and I'm introducing my old army buddy to this new online friend.  Explained to him that we met online via the internet.  Well, he didn't say anything, but I could tell by the look on his face....he was a little surprised and obviously thought it a little weird.  He couldn't understand how you could make friends that way.  

There's still an underlying misconception that everyone online is some sort of desperate creep or something.  I know my parents would never understand, either.  My mother's concern would be because of the aforementioned reason involving people's insincerity and possible criminal activity.  But, meet a person at a bar, it can likely be the same result.  Again, it's just easier to do that online these days.

So yeah, it's just different worlds, but real life just seems to be the preference of most people....online or not.

[Say]

Again, not that online is completely meaningless, trivial, or a difference with how you act....but there's something extra with doing the same thing IRL.

I think that sums it all because it is true I mean, they both can become really important and such but there is always a plus in RL

[MangoMercury]

I find online people easier to get on with.

It's probably somewhat to do with my want of solitude in the real world, plus nobody seems to really understand me there.  I don't mean that with regard to the occasional bout of insanity, either.

Don't get me wrong, I do have offline friends.  Not very many though.  I find it easier to make friends with someone online because I can just type to them.  I don't need to hear what goes on.  I can find people who like what I do easier, too.  I met my boyfriend through the Internet.  A lot of my best friends are from the Internet.

I'm not saying that I hate all offline people, I just find online life easier.

[J-ROC]

Well, I find it easier to initiate with people online....but after I get to know them, I'd still rather spend time with those people in person than online.  

Trust me Leanne, you'd lub me in person!

[B'rrr]

I agree with James!!   ..it is much easier to talk to ppl online, cuz i'm a bit shy in RL, well, ..I used to, it's a bit less now, but i still have some trouble to initiate a conversation with someone i don't know ; \

[Kimmie]

I agree with the last few posts.
it is so much easier to talk to someone u hav only known for a short while. like i said to nate a few days ago, i can open up more to someone i hav never met because u know they arent gonna tell any1 that u know lol.
plus the people i hav met on this board are so supportive and caring so i just cant help bogging u down with my problems  
i am a simple person...and by now most of u know that   but i hav found many people on here that i like alot and i can talk to u guys just like i talk to my *real life face to face* friends.
i think its nicer to get a break from my every day routine too.i hav known my best friend for 14 years now and i see her prettyy much every day and thats great. but to me...gettin a different perspective from people in the US, Australia, Netherlands and even Birmingham (lol) is helpful and nice to think u can hav connections all over the world.
this is the first board i hav stayed on for longer than 2 weeks...because they bored me. this place has to much to offer my strange mind and i love it. i love the people on here as u are all creative and i like to think i hav a slightly better creative side than having to do maths or science  
i hav created a few special bonds...or would like to think so with a few of you.
i think i like my balance of offline and online.

[Oldbushie]

What's nice about online stuff is that people see your mind before you usually, instead of real life where they judge you first by what they see.

[Say]

ugh, indeed  


It has happened to me a lot ppl just asume stupid things about me and they just get intimidated (Im fugly! ) or they think I dont like to talk (I am serious most of the times) and once they get to know me they do believe I hate the world (well I do, just not everyday) hahaha, so it is easier for me to not be so expressive in person so ppl would stop asuming things, Im a quiet, introverted girl, that doesnt means Im anti-social and that I will bite heads off (not all the time though! lol). Besides I just dont look my age at all.

[B'rrr]

yeah offline is easier to bond and form tight relationships, but still, there are exceptions, cuz I like someone online more (and different) then my offline friends

Rob you run this forum really well and have a great sense of humor.

thnx for the compliment Dew, but I'm not running this forum, I'm just helping, the credit goes to the complete webteam and especially Say and Neil (they just rule!! ; )

[Say]

You can express your speech better through body language.  You can be sarcastic and the other person knows by the tone of your voice.

that is so true, apparently communication is around 80% body language (tone, gesture, etc) and only 20% about the actualy message (the conversation itself)

I read this from a psychology study for PR and social effective communication skills.

[koko_99_2001]

Wow, Alex, deep!  And you make so many valid points!  Wow...nothing to really say to that...

Cat