Ask Crispin Valentine's Day Submissions

[writerlove]

Having love woes this Valentines Day? Maybe Crispin can ease your pain! Email him at editor.fourwinds@postudios.com or leave a comment below and he may answer your question on the Four Winds blog on February 14th.

[Oldbushie]

Dear Crispin,

Where can I find the fairest maiden in the land that would love me back? I am lonely, purple, and very hairy.

Sincerely,
Mote

[KatieHal]

Dear Crispin,

I've tried EVERYTHING! I got myself locked in a tower, I bit a poisoned apple, I let a beast take me captive, I did the fairy godmother thing, went to the ball and lost a shoe, I pricked my finger on a spindle, and still no prince! I don't what else to try, how can I finally find my prince? Help!

Sincerely,
Luckless Princess

[Delling]

Dear Crispin,

Where can I find the fairest maiden in the land that would love me back? I am lonely, purple, and very hairy.

Sincerely,
Mote

Dear Crispin,

I've tried EVERYTHING! I got myself locked in a tower, I bit a poisoned apple, I let a beast take me captive, I did the fairy godmother thing, went to the ball and lost a shoe, I pricked my finger on a spindle, and still no prince! I don't what else to try, how can I finally find my prince? Help!

Sincerely,
Luckless Princess

Why don't you two just get together? See, that wasn't so hard, was it?

[Mr_Nabby]

Dear Crispin,

I am a paladin, who after many adventures have finally found love. "Natalie" is a exotic dancer at a local tavern. She is very beautiful and charming, and after some time I have managed to swoon her, and asked for her hand in marriage.

But a few days ago, an acquaintance of mine was brought back from the dead. "Emelia" is a Wizard, who have created a successful line of blessed sanctuaries, and is basically a paladin in everything but name. Our souls have touched through the plane of dreams, but I have never really spent any time with her.

I feel really bad about having second thoughts and considering to withdraw my proposal from the woman I love. However, I do have feelings for "Emelia" too, and think she might be the one. What should I do?

Thanks in advance,
Hero in Peril

[Deloria]

Dear Crispin,

I am an elderly bachelor who had until recently never known love. By chance I met a young, beautiful lady through my magic mirror who claims that she too has never known love, nor the touch of a gentleman. In spite of this, she is -surprisingly- extremely forward. I desperately wish to meet her, but she is unfortunately destitute and has a very sick father who requires her constant, loving care. She wishes for me to send her gold so that she may buy medicines to keep her father alive and travel to see me. However, I have already sent her five sacks of gold and her father has shown no improvement. Do you know of any remedies that might cure her ailing father?

Yours,
A devoted, but confused, very, very, very wealthy person

[drusain]

Dear Crispin,

You suck.

Love,
Mordack

[snabbott]

Dear wealthy person,
I had the perfect answer to your problem, but I have forgotten it. Perhaps if you send me several bags of gold, I will be able to remember it.

Sincerely,
Steve

[Deloria]

Dear Crispin,

I am the wealthy prince of an exotic nation. My dear father is recently late and evil ministers, who are attempting to swindle me out of my inheritance, wish to place hand on his considerable wealth. I urgently need require a safe place for our monies. If you gift my associates access to your strongbox, I will reward you with a cash sum of 5'000'000'000'000'0000 gold coins.

Forever in your debt
Prince Abdul Fazid Arkesh Malay of Zaire

[GrahamRocks!]

Dear Crispin,

I've recently been summoned (alongside my two friends, a Wizard and a Paladin respectfully) to a beautiful island kingdom. While I explore the town, my two friends have entered into the Rites of Rulership (I didn't because I don't consider myself very "Kingly" material, unless you make me the King of Thieves). We've only been here about a week, but we've already ran into several old comrades of our old adventures... including a young woman I've fallen in love with, whom I'll call "Emily".

Me and "Emily" met over a year ago in a nice little valley run by her father, the Baron. We became friends in the short time we met, and we promised we'd keep in touch. And when we sent to a desert kingdom awhile, we did, and through letters back and forth, we managed to become more than friends... But then, my friends and I were summoned to the land of the Liontaurs, which was about to break out into a full on war with demons returning! And then, after that, we were unexpectantly (the other times we were invited) transported to yet another kingdom that had what you might call an "Eldritch Abomination" about to be summoned to cover the land in darkness by two vampires (one of which, "Franky" the Wizard was actually attracted to for reasons that completely baffle "Michael" the Paladin and myself)! Since there were no caravans going out in the former kingdom, and the latter was being cut off by a very deadly swamp, as you can imagine, I wasn't able to keep in touch with her.

And now, to make matters worse, the Wizard "Ernie" who told us three to come here has now told me that when we were teleported from the savannah kingdom to the "Eldritch" area and then to here, that over four years have passed since we were last seen alive in the  the Liontaur's kingdom! Four years, Crispinophur! Four years of no contact, no letters, not even meeting up unexpectantly until now! Last time we met, it was... awkward to say the least, and I felt like an idiot stumbling over my explanation for why I was gone so long. Oh God, she must hate me for disappearing for all these years. I know that I'm still in love with her, but I worry that she doesn't feel the same for me anymore. For all I know, she's moved on and thinks of me as just a little schmoe who can pick your pocket and throw a knife with ease, but can't keep the one treasure he desires the most (and no, I don't speak of the "Raven").

From, Tis In Her Memory Locked, And I Have No Key.

[stika]

Dear Crispin,

Well I ever find true love?

Sincerely
Stika