But in Heaven there is no pain, no tears. There is only happiness and peace.
The same could be said of Disneyland, but I still don't want to visit Florida. 
There are both tears and pain in Disneyland. Also, Disneyland is in California. Disney World is in Florida... ok, so I've only been to Disney World... but I assure you there were both tears and pain (there are plenty of crying kids and fighting siblings... you forget, Deloria: this is a place where families congregate. Families bring tears and pain with them. 
).
Well now I feel silly. Also, you forget: Heaven is a place where lots of families congregate, many of them patriarchal. They'll just bring oodles and oodles of tears and pain with them! 
While you're right about the patriarchal and quiverfull families, I imagine Heaven is a lot like high school when it comes to families: they may be there, but you have the option of giving them the silent treatment for eternity.
Oh, and then Christ plays the busybody bestfriend, running interference while constantly trying to get you all to reconcile, and thereby Heaven turns into a sitcom, but again, let's be honest--we all knew it would be anyway... those things can last forever.
