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My Review of KQ 2015 (spoilers)

Started by Numbers, August 29, 2015, 02:37:04 PM

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Numbers

So, the review you all haven't been waiting for is here. The Numbers take on KQ 2015.

Perhaps I should go back a bit before starting to talk about the game itself. I've always viewed King's Quest as more of a guilty pleasure, rather than an actual high-quality series. In my opinion, Space Quest and Quest for Glory were significantly better, based on their use of humor and replay value, respectively. I've seen people question why KQ gets so much bile, and other people who race to defend the games as an art form (Paw Dugan comes to mind), and my reaction is: "You liked these games? You thought they were good?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I still like KQ. It was the series that taught me how to read and write, when most of the other games I played during my childhood were primitive platformers. The first two Duke Nukems, Commander Keen, Bio Menace, Xargon, Dangerous Dave, those kinds of games. What they taught me in reflexes, they failed to teach me in terms of actual education. There were exceptions, sure. I collected all the letters in Duke Nukem's name in the correct order to get the highest points, Commander Keen's alien alphabet helped me to translate all those weird signs I kept seeing throughout the games, and Xargon is where I first found out how to spell the word "congratulations."

But KQ is where I learned to spell everything else. I'd never used the word "examine" until KQ4 came out, and I "examined" that suspicious-looking wall in the mansion that opened up to the tower. I read all of the tombstones carefully, trying to absorb what they said. I read the grave that said "Thorpe's corpse" and didn't know the meaning until I found out who Thorpe was (an athlete), and that the word "corpse" is a synonym for "dead body." I watched the intro to KQ4 many many times until I understood it.

For me, KQ4 is the best non-point-and-click game in the series, and probably the best game, period. But on your first few playthroughs, it's still insanely, unrelentingly, frustratingly, unfairly difficult. And the only way you could find out what to do back then was to call up a hotline that gave you vague, unhelpful hints and cost you more money the more times you called. And even then, when I was at a young age and had little knowledge of computer games, I remember thinking to myself, "That's really stupid." It was at that point that I realized the concept of the cash grab, and my steady disillusionment with series grew from there.

KQ6 came out, and although I have issues with it, it seemed like a logical progression for KQ, and taking the series in a more mature direction, with such subjects as political intrigue, cultist rituals, and the matter of what happens to one after death. I disliked the copy protection on the Isle of the Sacred Mountain, I could've done without the Isle of Wonder in its entirety, and back then, I liked Rosella as a protagonist more than Alexander, who I found to be a bit of a pansy. But overall KQ6 was a step in the right direction.

Then KQ7 came out. You all know how I feel about that one. It was, and still is, the worst gaming experience of my life. Sure, I've played objectively worse games (F*ck Quest comes to mind), but I went into them knowing that they were bad, and only played them for the sheer mesmerizing fascination that one gets when watching a plane crash. I never liked Leisure Suit Larry, so when Box Office Bust came out and killed the franchise, my reaction was, in a nutshell, "Good riddance." I didn't jump on board the hype train for Duke Nukem Forever, so when it got released and critically panned, I was indifferent to it, since I wasn't interested anyway. Same idea for Sonic 2006, because I was never a Sonic fan, and my knowledge of Sonic 06 and every subsequent game makes me glad I'm not.

Nothing could've prepared me for KQ7. It was the first time I'd truly felt betrayed. It was immature, childish, with a generic plot that was a massive step backwards from KQ6, and devoid of any real tension. It reminded me of one of Don Bluth's later movies, like A Troll in Central Park. (Get it? They both have cutesy trolls?...it's funny?) But what ruined it for me most of all was Rosella's portrayal. In KQ4, Rosella was a blank slate who nonetheless performed some very brave actions, which for me speak louder than words. When Rosella cries in KQ4, it's because she just barely escaped being killed by a dragon at the hands of her long-lost brother, only to see her father collapse from a fatal heart attack. Here...she bursts into tears when a complete stranger calls her a usurper to the troll throne when she's been there less than five minutes. Yes, it's possible to commit character assassination on someone who had very little character to begin with. And she only got more aggravating from there.

MoE, for whatever reason, I could take. It had so little to do with anything that I saw it for what it was, an action-platformer with the King's Quest name slapped on it to earn big bucks, which it did, but because it didn't unrealistically topple world records upon its release, they ended KQ there. From what I saw of the then-planned KQ9, it would've been similar to a Zelda game, with even more platforming and combat and fewer puzzles. Who knows, if that game had ever come out, people might look back more fondly on MoE, because at least it wasn't KQ9: Skyward Graham.

So why do I like King's Quest, in spite of all the apparent problems in it? Mostly, because of the fans. I play TSL and the AGDI remakes of KQ1-3 much more often than the actual canon games, because, to put it simply, they're better. They're prettier to look at, the puzzles don't fall into moon logic territory as often, and it feels like a lot of effort and attention to detail was put into them. True, the AGDI games are mostly just retelling stories we already know, and TSL has moments of superb cheesiness, but all in all, you could tell that these fans were earnest about their work.

Now that I've wasted several minutes of your time explaining my "this is why I'm evil" backstory that all villains have to have these days, let's get onto the actual review of KQ 2015.

It reminds me of KQ7. There you go, my big problem with the game, my Freudian excuse if you will, spelled out in only one sentence. Like KQ7, only with easier puzzles, and even easier arcade sections.

It started off on a sour note--absolutely no introductory cutscene--and followed up with one such arcade section that combined quick-time events with first-person shooters, that let me know I was going to be in for a world of hurt.

Then we see Graham in the present day. He's old. Extremely old. As in, "we'll be lucky if he survives all five chapters" old. He talks to his granddaughter Gwendolyn, who is, in my opinion, the most irritating KQ character since Cedric. The fact that she sounds almost exactly like Rainbow Dash doesn't help. She's every other young whippersnapper in every other fantasy plot you've ever seen. Then Gart makes his entrance, and boy, is it bad. Why is he British when Gwen is American? Was that half-hearted roar he made really the best take they went with? Why does he say that lots of people will be attending his fencing tournament when at the end of the game, pretty much nobody is watching? Why is he British? And wait, Gwen got to Daventry "as fast as she could?" TOG does know that Alexander has a genie at his beck and call who can teleport people, right?

Then we flash back to young Graham who engages in the most embarrassing slapstick since Tom and Jerry, before we see our bizarrely-proportioned knight characters whose faces are conveniently obscured by their helmets so the animators don't have to do more work. (This is actually a good thing; has anyone noticed how off the lip-syncing in this game in general is?) This doesn't just refer to the four knights hopeful, this refers to every other knight in the game, all of whom are completely interchangeable, except for two knights giving each other piggyback rides, one of whom sounds like Groundskeeper Willie.

Anyway, the Merchant of Miracles makes his entrance by stepping on Graham's foot, causing Graham to awkwardly and unfunnily hobble around for the next minute or so. He also starts off a sentence with the modern word "welp," taking me out of the game immediately. It's at this point that I really start to despise the character design in this game. Everyone looks so...ugly. There's no subtlety at all. TSL is more subtle than this, with a vastly outdated engine, to boot. The knights are all completely exaggerated, old Graham looks like a hairy raisin, Gwen and Gart are inexpressive, young Graham looks like a pretty boy, the Merchant of Miracles also looks like a raisin...ugh.

Moving on, the town square is the next big location in the game, though it's mostly reminiscent of TSL's town square. Time to do branching paths stuff. As long as you leave a tip, that is. Eventually, you make it to the knights hopeful and participate in a prank that involves bees. My God.



After a moment that evokes the now-infamous scene from the Nicolas Cage Wicker Man movie, the knights all beat you to the other side of the river, all of which use a technique known as foreshadowing. Achaka's good with bows and arrows, Acorn's good at pushing things over, etc. Then the little guy, Manny, who is definitely not a bad guy, forms a secret pact with Graham to beat the opposition. It's okay, because Manny is just as trustworthy as the other short character in the game, the Merchant of Miracles. He's obviously not going to turn on us at the end of the game. He's an okay guy.

You probably get my point by now.

You then meet the owners of the three town square shops. One of them is a baker who relies on pies to solve all of his problems. Yes, TOG, we remember that pie scene from KQ5, and we would do better if we were to forget it. Unfortunately, it's possible for the baker to get attacked by bees too.



However, that's got nothing on Amaya, who is forced to shoo out wolves and as it turns out, lose her bed somehow. While she was sleeping in it. I'm not questioning anything at this point, and neither should you. It's better if you don't think about it. We've also got two old creepy people running a potion shop, so...standard fantasy fare. If the potion shop owner in your story isn't creepy, you're probably either doing it wrong or are some kind of potion shop owner revolutionist.

And now for the eye of the hideous beast...multiple ways to do it, but let's talk about the most important part of it.

It's time to go back to the well in order to find Achaka, aka the only new character I liked. Lots of shenanigans ensue, none of which are all that fun and mostly rely on trial-and-error, up until the dragon attacks; at this point the game goes into arcade overdrive and it's one death-defying section after another. Arguably the best part of the game then goes out like a wet fart when Achaka dies saving you...whee, goodbye, one character that I liked...and then Graham lets out a pitiful big "No!" (come on, Graham, put your heart into it), and then he gets cheered up by Manny. Who is definitely not lying about Achaka's background. You know that saying, "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"? Manny is your friend, not your enemy. Anyone that's voiced by Wallace Shawn is automatically a good guy. This is compounded by the next scene being those goofy knights presenting their eyes, and then that is followed by a narmy scene featuring Gwen interacting with her evil doll, Mr. Springbottom. And then SPRINGBOTTOM COMES TO LIFE AND ATTACKS GWEN OH MY GOD



Nah, that doesn't happen. But wouldn't that be great? It would mix things up a bit.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

Numbers

#1
(Sorry, my review was so long I couldn't do it in one post and had to split it up into two parts.)

At some point, first-person shooter time. I'm dead serious. They actually thought it would be a good idea to have Graham shoot goblins with a bow and arrow, from a first-person perspective. Just like all those fondly-remembered battle scenes from the old games--oh wait, they didn't have battle scenes.

These aren't just any ordinary goblins, though...



...they're like the Mimrocks from Commander Keen, enemies that look like ordinary rocks and follow you when your back is turned, quickly sitting back down if you turn to face them. A novel idea, except that they ruin their opportunity to dispatch Graham by popping up in front of him and tripping him up, giving him time to grab his bow and shoot away to his heart's content. Because, as the TV Tropes article on MoE says, "Savage battles are what King's Quest is all about."

Not to worry, though. The Merchant of Miracles rears his ugly head a second time, and you can do with him as you will. Given that there are no wrong choices in this game, it literally doesn't matter what path you choose.

At this point, the game becomes a blur of boring fetch quests...so I guess you could say it is kind of similar to the first two KQs. The town square people, the bridge trolls (who have admittedly kind of a neat redesign, becoming a visual pun in the process), and two duels that you can't beat until you have everything you need are what make up the rest of the game. It's at this point that the baker can have a bad encounter with bees.



It's also at this point that Amaya can get mad at you for any number of reasons, because we need a tough chick in the story somewhere. At least we don't have any other characters like that--

*sees the female bridge troll for the first time*



...well, at least they're not going to top that one anytime soon. I don't remember her name, so I'm just going to call her Brawn Hilda. Brawn Hilda doesn't want to be walked on, even though her purpose as a species is to get walked on. Is this some kind of parable about race and class relations or something? Is there a "Don't tread on me" pun that didn't make it in? Either way, it's going to go completely over the heads of any little kid who plays it. Regardless, it's possible to calm her down; this involves drugging her up with magic and forcing her to keep her place in society. Oh, and this is after a quick-time event involving dancing. King's Quest, ladies and gentlemen.

But I've done enough talking about the midgame stuff, let's go to the end. First off, the duel of strength. It's just you and Acorn, who looks like a metal-encased Strong Sad with Samuel L. Jackson's voice. Or rather, it's you, along with all the guards, the bridge trolls, and Manny, vs. Acorn. After another arcade section that's not much fun and a plot twist that's embarrassing for Acorn, Graham and the audience by proximity, you get to hear some modern-day language that has no place in a KQ game. "Thank God." "Pissed off." "Sorry, I'm not sorry." "Worth it." Do any of these sound right to any of you? Am I the only one who gets taken out of the game whenever I hear those phrases?

You eventually get launched high in the air. "Noooooo" Olfie groans as he catches you in slow-mo in a scene that seems to be half dramatic, half parody. It was the only joke I actually laughed at in the whole game.

Don't worry, you're easily forgiven by Acorn after a couple minutes of talking. Never mind the fact that he just took down a floating island and did God knows how much property damage because he was "pissed off" at you.

Then it's on the duel of speed. Just you and Whisper. Or rather, you, Triumph, all of the knights and Manny vs. Whisper. No wonder Graham wins all of these duels. Although I'm not a fan of the arcade sections in this game, midgame dragon scene excluded, this one is really, really weak. It's slapsticky, it's slow, and there's no danger to it since Graham has to win because everyone says so. Whisper beat you to the finish line? Don't worry, you'll just go another lap until you win. The game literally won't let you exit the sequence at any point; once you enter it, there's no going back until you beat it.

Don't worry, you're easily forgiven by Whisper after a couple minutes of talking. Never mind the fact that his ego just took a massive blow in the nuts.

And then we have the duel of wits. Just you and Manny. Or rather, you and every single knight present vs. Manny. And they won't let you lose to Manny permanently. They'll keep screwing up Manny's playing board until you win.

Are you starting to see the problem with these duels? There's no tension. Graham wins them all because the plot says he has to. He cheats his way to victory. It's very unbecoming of his character. Graham in the older games was an ace. Graham in this game is a puny baby. And before you say, "Well, he's younger here", no crap. He obviously had to start somewhere. But I didn't care where he started, and after seeing him in this game, I frankly don't care if I ever see him again.

Also, Manny is a bad guy? Whaaaaaat?



Who would've thought that a guy voiced by Wallace Shawn would be a villain? Truly the best plot twist since Darth Vader told Luke he was his father.

There's only so much more of this that I can take, so I'm going to make it fast. Graham beats Manny in the duel of wits because the plot says so. Graham beats Manny in a duel of strength because the plot says so. Manny gets away because the plot says so. And Gwen dresses up in her Assassin's Creed garb and beats Gart in their duel, which nobody is watching...because the plot says so. There are no wrong choices to make, and ultimately the decisions you make affect bugger all because Gwen still beats Gart in a non-interactive cutscene no matter what. Though, given this game's attempt at arcade sections, I'm not complaining.

The episode ends on a cliffhanger indicating something is wrong with Graham. A knight who sounds exactly like the rest of the knights in the main game (maybe he's a clone trooper) calls Gwen and Gart, saying "Children! Children! Come along quickly, it's your grandfather!" I like to think that he followed this up with "He's pregnant!"



Do I even need to say what's wrong with this game? I think it's pretty clear. As Lambonius on the IQ forum put it, this is like Falderal: The Game. In other words, it's everything wrong with KQ7 taken to its logical conclusion. It's childish, unfunny, with unlikable characters, ugly graphics, extremely easy puzzles and amateurish plot progression. In my opinion, it's the worst possible direction this series could've taken in the wake of MoE. I honestly would've preferred a Dark Souls-esque MoE 2 over this train wreck any day of the week. And that really is my honest opinion, so sorry to rain on your parade.

If you really do like this game, then don't let my opinion stop you. I'm well aware that I'm in a very small minority right now. The purpose of this thread was for me to explain what I didn't like about it, so that all viewpoints could be properly represented. There have been people who have done nothing but kiss the ground this game walks on, and I'd like to see an in-depth response to this post explaining what it was they liked about it. Don't let my sourpuss personality be the only thing this thread contains.

In closing, I'm hoping episode two contains more bees.

I have no mouth, and I must scream.

Lambonius


GrahamRocks!

#3
You know what? I'm actually the exact opposite of your opinion- even if you did bring up a couple good points that made me go, "Huh." regardless. -but you know what? I'm not even mad at you, but I'm instead laughing at the jokes you made during this. :) Brawn Hilda- nice pun!

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, not liking a game everybody else loves. Just like me with Leisure Suit Larry 5-6-7.

Also, who DOESN'T like Achaka?!

Numbers

Achaka: The Ensemble Darkhorse of KQ2015.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

GrahamRocks!


Numbers

I found Whisper irritating, but I can see why people would like him. Whisper: The Donald Trump of Daventry.

I also hate Gwen, but it seems like enough people like her that she isn't a full-blown Scrappy. My vote for Scrappy territory would be Pillare.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

Jack Stryker

QuoteA novel idea, except that they ruin their opportunity to dispatch Graham by popping up in front of him and tripping him up, giving him time to grab Achaka's bow and shoot away to his heart's content.

Graham's not using Achaka's bow there.  He only gets that bow when he goes back to the dragon's lair, to get the magic mirror.  Why would his corpse still be holding it, if Graham had taken it earlier?

Quoteyou get to hear some modern-day language that has no place in a KQ game. "Thank God." "Pissed off." "Sorry, I'm not sorry." "Worth it." Do any of these sound right to any of you?

I'll agree with the first two, but I've honestly never heard anyone say "Sorry I'm not sorry" in my life.  And I find nothing wrong with "worth it" either.  At least they didn't say anything that's really been done to death, like "I regret nothing!"

QuoteGwen still beats Gart in a non-interactive cutscene

Well, duh.  You're playing as Graham, not Gwen.

Numbers

Quote from: Jack Stryker on August 30, 2015, 03:54:43 PM
Graham's not using Achaka's bow there.  He only gets that bow when he goes back to the dragon's lair, to get the magic mirror.  Why would his corpse still be holding it, if Graham had taken it earlier?

Fixed.

Quote from: Jack Stryker on August 30, 2015, 03:54:43 PM
I'll agree with the first two, but I've honestly never heard anyone say "Sorry I'm not sorry" in my life.  And I find nothing wrong with "worth it" either.  At least they didn't say anything that's really been done to death, like "I regret nothing!"

"Sorry not sorry" is an Internet meme. Google Image Search the phrase and you get stuff like this:



Honestly, "I regret nothing" would've sounded much better to my ears than modern lingo.

Quote from: Jack Stryker on August 30, 2015, 03:54:43 PM
QuoteGwen still beats Gart in a non-interactive cutscene

Well, duh.  You're playing as Graham, not Gwen.


But we'll be playing as Gwen soon, in the inevitable sequel to this game.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

GrahamRocks!

#9
Honestly it's only the "Sorry not sorry!" line that bothered me. But tbh, I kinda don't like hearing it (or rather seeing it in hashtags) in our time either. Just never sounded right to me.

Also, Gwen sounds a lot less horse than Rainbow Dash. ;)

Numbers

I have no mouth, and I must scream.

GrahamRocks!

#11
Don't be such a bucking neighsayer, then. ;) I'm not gonna stand bridlely by and not say my piece, even if I did get a kick out of your review, though.

KatieHal

Glad to see you give it a fair shake at the very least, Numbers!

I've been watching an LP and I cannot help but be amused at the "Come at me, bees!" line, even if it is FAR more modern than it should be.  ;D

Katie Hallahan
~Designer, PR Director~

"Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix." Christina Baldwin

I have a blog!

Nilan8888

I also had a radically different opinion of the game.

That the characters were pretty one-dimensional I figured was in keeping with the series: they were just as one-dimensional as characters in the King's Quest games have ALWAYS been. This series is not precisely 'Game of Thrones'.

As for it being too 'kiddie': I felt here it totally fit, because we are going back in time. The thing I don't like about KQ7 is that it breaks the general trend of things getting darker as they go on, similar to Harry Potter. Of course they never get really, really dark (the aforementioned 'Game of Thrones' has elements in it so far beyond the darkest recesses of KQ6 that you might as well be comparing puppy dogs to a nuclear holocaust), but they do get more PG-13 as opposed to G.

So since this is meant to be in keeping with the first game, I totally bought the lighter feel, and I even expect a lot of that in the next chapter, while the last three will probably get darker as they start entering the more 'serious' tones of KQ 3-6. But episodes taking place suring KQ 1 & 2 make sense as being more silly romps that would appeal to children.

Numbers

Quote from: GrahamRocks! on August 30, 2015, 08:45:26 PM
Don't be such a bucking neighsayer, then. ;) I'm not gonna stand bridlely by and not say my piece, even if I did get a kick out of your review, though.

All right, two can play at this incredibly nerdy game. I don't know what the hay your problem is, but you're clearly not stable. Whinny gonna grow up and not stirrup other people's emotions? I can't horse around anymore; I'm dun. I won't be on these forums furlong now. I foaled. I thought it would be a cinch to carriage a conversation here, but I mustang out with the wrong people. It's a problem I've had since the day I was barn. I mare have to trot off.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

GrahamRocks!

Wow, your puns are SO much better than mine! You even used horse racing terms, stuff I haven't heard in years!

Aw, don't go buggy! ;) I'm chomping at the bit to say something but odds are I'll stirrup trouble somehow by arguing or defending Akhal. 


Numbers

#16
Quote from: Nilan8888 on August 31, 2015, 10:31:59 AM
I also had a radically different opinion of the game.

That the characters were pretty one-dimensional I figured was in keeping with the series: they were just as one-dimensional as characters in the King's Quest games have ALWAYS been. This series is not precisely 'Game of Thrones'.

As for it being too 'kiddie': I felt here it totally fit, because we are going back in time. The thing I don't like about KQ7 is that it breaks the general trend of things getting darker as they go on, similar to Harry Potter. Of course they never get really, really dark (the aforementioned 'Game of Thrones' has elements in it so far beyond the darkest recesses of KQ6 that you might as well be comparing puppy dogs to a nuclear holocaust), but they do get more PG-13 as opposed to G.

So since this is meant to be in keeping with the first game, I totally bought the lighter feel, and I even expect a lot of that in the next chapter, while the last three will probably get darker as they start entering the more 'serious' tones of KQ 3-6. But episodes taking place suring KQ 1 & 2 make sense as being more silly romps that would appeal to children.

I'm really hoping you're right and the chapters get darker as they go along. TSL had a more mature feel to it than this game, and the characters were deliberately written to be less one-dimensional. Your mileage may vary on how effectively it was pulled off, but it was good enough for me, certainly more so than TOG's entry. Young Graham is just a wide-eyed idealist. Acorn is just a jerk with a heart of gold. Whisper is literally the same. Achaka is just the quiet one. Manny is just the smug snake. They're all very one-note. Here's to hoping chapter 2 improves on the character writing.

On another subject, I really would've preferred it if TOG had come up with a unique title for KQ2015 so we don't have to verify which KQ we're talking about. "Your Legacy Awaits" ended up just being a tagline, and not punny like most KQ titles are. This seems to be another case of reboot-itis, which is what happens when a new game in a franchise is just given the franchise's generic title instead of clarifying which entry it happens to be. Doom 4 is just called "Doom." Wolfenstein 2009 is just called "Wolfenstein." Command and Conquer: Generals 2 was just "Command and Conquer" before it was cancelled. Sonic 06 is just called "Sonic the Hedgehog." Star Wars Battlefront 3 is just called "Star Wars: Battlefront." And KQ2015 is just called "King's Quest." Would it be that difficult to come up with a new title so people don't have to give the game a nickname?
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

GrahamRocks!

I'm actually with ya on the title thing.

Still, I like TSL and I like TOG's take on it. One's more lighthearted, the other is darker. Both are great to me!

Though I do hope we go darker as the years go by and Graham ages, otherwise I'll be disappointed and wondering "Okay, where are you guys going writing wise? I'm concerned." which was actually my response to Squire Graham being so skinny in the first episode too- if time passes and he's STILL that scrawny, THEN I'll be concerned.

Numbers

Old Graham actually seems to have more muscle in his arms than young Graham, so there's always a chance he'll turn into Captain Daventry by the later chapters.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.

GrahamRocks!

Oh yeah, I know that NOW, but I meant pre-release that's what I said. Like, when the first trailer came out, people were complaining about Graham looking too skinny.