Author Topic: The Clean Jokes Thread  (Read 13362 times)

Offline Raforever

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Re:The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #40 on: June 01, 2005, 06:09:41 PM »
*gag* *chuckle* Good jokes guys  :D

What if you throw a pedestrian into a tree? XD



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Offline copycat

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Re:The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #41 on: June 02, 2005, 02:05:31 PM »
Two jokes, but can probably find more ;)
Uncanny, they were even sent out in the same month. One on May 12, the other on May 16. :pokerface:

Every morning, two owners of adjacent restaurant would unroll their front awnings. Every evening, they would roll them back up again. They never spoke, except on Fridays when the Greek restaurant owner asked the Chinese restaurant owner, "What day is it?" and then laugh heartily at the response, "It's Flyday." Of course, this upset the Chinese man to the point that he enrolled in an English class and spent months learning to pronounce the word "Friday" perfectly. Finally, one Friday, when he felt totally prepared and had practiced saying "Friday" over and over again, he felt the time was right. Sure enough, as always, the Greek asked him, "What day is it?" "It's Friday," he replied jubilantly, then added, "you clazy Gleek!"
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #42 on: August 11, 2005, 03:11:44 PM »
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

-M.J. Shields
« Last Edit: September 24, 2005, 10:56:26 AM by Louisiana Night »

Offline copycat

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #43 on: August 11, 2005, 05:09:42 PM »
doderez
&
xrewawt
I can't quite read the way they're supposed to because I can't 'reform' them back. :-\
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Offline Rosella

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #44 on: August 11, 2005, 05:19:46 PM »
*eye twitch* This is just torture to me. XD
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Offline copycat

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #45 on: August 11, 2005, 05:39:24 PM »
Two drunks got separated on the streets of New York City. One wandered down into the subway, climbed back out, and then found his buddy in a nearby park. "Where have you been?" asked the one. The other replied, "I dunno. I took a shortcut through some guy's basement. It was huge. But, man, what a model railroad!
 :P
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #46 on: August 11, 2005, 06:04:33 PM »
doderez
&
xrewawt
I can't quite read the way they're supposed to because I can't 'reform' them back. :-\

"xrewawt" is easy enough for me to read(throughout, I'm quite sure). As for "doderez"... I have no idea.

Offline copycat

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #47 on: August 12, 2005, 01:54:50 PM »
"xrewawt" is easy enough for me to read(throughout, I'm quite sure).
Ah yes, I see it now. 8)

As for "doderez"... I have no idea.
You do that a lot, post/forward jokes of which you do not understand all content? ::) :D
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #48 on: August 12, 2005, 02:53:05 PM »
No, I don't.



50 Fun Things To Do at Wal-Mart

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M's on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
TP as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on the battle described above.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Offline MATTANDALEX

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #49 on: August 12, 2005, 03:21:19 PM »
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
Yes! I love to play calvinball! we play it all the time at scout meetings! :stabs:
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Offline copycat

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #50 on: August 12, 2005, 04:39:09 PM »
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

Yes! I love to play calvinball! we play it all the time at scout meetings!
Never heard of it (before now that is). But then again, I was never a scout either. :P
EDIT: Just Googled for it. :scholar:
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Offline Rosella

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #51 on: August 12, 2005, 06:00:54 PM »
I'm too lazy to google for it. Plus I'm trying to spend as little time on the computers as possible. What is it? XD I can say we never played it at Girl Scout meetings. :P
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Offline Jafar

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #52 on: August 12, 2005, 08:43:13 PM »
It's easy. All you need is a volleycalvinball, some flags, a bunch of time fracture wickets, and some masks. Sorry, but nobody's allowed to question the masks.
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Offline racx_00

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #53 on: August 13, 2005, 10:36:18 AM »
If I ever make it to a Wal-Mart I'm so doing as many of those as possible, especially the thing with the clocks XD
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Offline Rosella

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #54 on: October 04, 2005, 07:02:26 PM »
who I am I like pie   
Used to express apathy or confusion towards the present subject matter; also used to denote one's appreciation of pie (I like pie ;P)
INTPFPOTM   
"I nominate this post for post of the month"; incredibly obscure. (Ya think?  XD)
Llama   
Lame player (see also HPL); Lower League Manager (used on in the SiGames Message boards)
Meh 
word signaling indifference towards a subject or general apathy, used as a typed version of a shoulder shrug or a sigh.
Neg   
Negative. Usually when asked a question in games such as Counterstrike and Rainbow Six, this is the brief way of saying 'no'. (I’m sorry, but how more brief can “no” get? XD)
Ngaaaah   
A cry of frustration or triumph, which one can speak out loud by using the throat and nasal passage to produce a loud and at times annoying sound. Used comonly in some school environments to annoy a teacher as a class unit. This cry can also gain the attention of ones peers
oh noes!!!!111   
An exaggerated expression of despair, often used for humorous effect. Sometimes coupled with teh (oh teh noes).
teh   
A usually deliberate typo of "the". (Deliberate typo? XD)
Über 
German for "over" but interpreted in English as "super" or "hyper". Used in many contexts for emphasis or as a superlative, as in, "I'm an über player". Also seen written as "uber", "üb3r", "ül33R" and other leet variations. (Why don’t I know this?)these fees if
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Offline Yonkey

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #55 on: October 04, 2005, 07:09:09 PM »
Well, that was ül33R weird...

XD
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Offline Rosella

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #56 on: October 04, 2005, 07:16:54 PM »
Especially when whenever  I put my cursor over the text box thingeh, it typed random things by itself (see the beginning and end of the post,) my e key is being mean, and my internet is being too slow to change it. :P *goes to check for spyware or something*
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Offline Raforever

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Re: The Clean Jokes Thread
« Reply #57 on: October 08, 2005, 12:57:40 PM »
if you need any help let me know ;)



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