Author Topic: Turkey Tale  (Read 2779 times)

Offline koko_99_2001

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Turkey Tale
« on: November 14, 2004, 12:11:05 PM »
I got this in my email today.  Found it extremely funny.  Enjoy!

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

And soon you'll  be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;

And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;

Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

And then comes the worst part he said not bluffing,
She'll be packing your rear with all kinds of stuffing.

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But was I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;

She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2004, 12:21:31 PM »
lol

In a day or two, I'll add another turkey story I heard.

*hopes more people have Turkey stories*

Offline B'rrr

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2004, 02:33:17 PM »
hmmm... I have to try turkey once, don't even know if it taste good  :-\
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Offline copycat

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2004, 03:40:49 PM »
How to cook a turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2004, 04:42:43 PM »
Jack Benny Radio Archives(where I got the MP3)

Note
The MP3s on that website, are public domain. 8)
« Last Edit: November 17, 2004, 12:13:23 AM by Louisiana Night »

Offline copycat

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2004, 04:52:14 PM »
around 8meg
My download manager says it's 6,8 meg, and since it's coming through kinda slow, it's going to take me a little while. ;D
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Offline copycat

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Turkey Tale
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2004, 04:16:22 PM »
It would have been even better if it didn't have the smoking-ads at the front and the back. :X
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Turkey Tale
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2004, 12:52:17 AM »
It would have been even better if it didn't have the smoking-ads at the front and the back. :X

I agree, but at least they don't sell that brand anymore(I think that MP3's from the 1950s). ;P
« Last Edit: November 16, 2004, 03:23:56 AM by Louisiana Night »

Offline copycat

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2004, 01:13:01 PM »
I agree, but at least they don't sell that brand anymore(I think that MP3's from the 1950s). ;P
I'm not into smoking, so I wouldn't know if the brand still exists. However, that's not the point, the point is it's a tobacco commercial. :pokerface:
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Offline Louisiana Night

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2004, 01:31:37 PM »
Okay then. Next time I post a Jack Benny episode, I'll make sure it's one where they are advertising Jello or cereal! :D

*looks at topic*

um...

yeah...

turkeys...

I'll see if I can find something to post. :P
« Last Edit: November 16, 2004, 01:32:24 PM by Louisiana Night »

Offline copycat

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2004, 01:54:51 PM »
*Gluck Gluck*<-- Lame attempt to impersonate a turkey :P
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Offline Yonkey

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2004, 12:08:23 AM »
*Gluck Gluck*<-- Lame attempt to impersonate a turkey :P

LMAO! :suffer:  There's something you don't see everyday, especially from CC. ;-D
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Offline B'rrr

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2004, 01:00:19 AM »
lol, yeah... since you have your mic working you could make an mp3 of that sound and post it!!  :D
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Offline Oldbushie

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2004, 03:06:08 PM »
Lol, I love the drinky turking game! XD
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Offline copycat

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Re:Turkey Tale
« Reply #14 on: November 21, 2004, 01:59:02 PM »
LMAO! :suffer:  There's something you don't see everyday, especially from CC. ;-D
Usually, when I'm on here, I'm not in the correct sate-of-mind to perform such a task. Most of the time, those things happen at work. :pokerface:

lol, yeah... since you have your mic working you could make an mp3 of that sound and post it!!  :D
Nononononono. I have no desire to make a complete fool of myself that much. :P :X

Anyway, a long time ago we used to have turkeys on that part of land which is now a semi-wilderness. 8)
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