Hey, CC. Sorry to hear that things are tough. If it's any consolation (and I know it isn't), I can relate. I know what it's like to have mental illness tear you to pieces, to have everything fall apart, to not know who you even are anymore and to feel as though the rest of the human race has voted you out of the tribe while you look at your extinguished torch where once you had fire. And just when it feels as though you've fallen as far as you possibly can, you feel the ground give way beneath your feet once again.
I'm still trying to put myself back together again, and it's a struggle. It always will be. I guess I always wonder if the old me has been gone too long to ever resurface. But I keep going, and try to be brave as I plan for how I can maybe make tomorrow a bit better.
Like I said, it's probably no real consolation, but I hope it helps at least a little to know you're not alone in this, and if the rest of the forum dwellers have their way, you'll never be alone.