PS I think there's been tweaks in the building layout, I can't find the kitchen anymore. Snacks? SKITTLES! 
Another new tweak to this floor is now the patient only needs to
think about the snack he/she wants and it will be provided to him/her by kitchen personnel. Naturally, other rules will still apply. However, due to the grand opening of floor 5.5 I am instituting one week of unlimited snacks, barring any important safety precautions of course. So, order what you want (food-wise) , this week only, but don't bother other patients, visitors or yourself or you'll be sent into isolation.
Luckily, we all jumped out before we were transported.
There was nothing to jump out
of. A transport link was set up between my office in the old Asylum and my office in the new Asylum. Every patient was brought into my office blindfolded and accompanied by two guard cats. Transport was activated for all three and then every patient was brought back to his/her room in the new Asylum. So you see, absolutely no jumping possible.
If I may casually interrupt, I have now stickied this thread for easier navigation. Now back to your normally scheduled program...
The Manager thanks the 'Powers that be'.
If we keep up with these terrible jokes, I'm afraid CC will punish us! 
Monthly? Now we have TSL we need at least a candy a week. (prefers a day)
Candy a week? You got it! (see above)
Hi crazies - just thought I'd come visit you all and give you my awesome salutations before casually walking back out the door again since I'm in no way crazy and have in no way been in the Asylum for several years.
Your name please?
I've never been officially evaluated before either, but I'm somehow here...hey, is that a hula-dancing cactus I see?!
I see you wandered into one of the holo-area's throughout this floor but that's okay, even visitors can use those.
COPYCAT! MANGO IS SPOUTING NONSENSE!
Has she ever been doing otherwise?
Ooh, what sort of evaluation would this be? Might it involve those ink blots? Those always looked like a lot of fun.
Nah, it's just a behavioural study.
*tazers Haids*
I think this one is ready for solitary confinement CC.
Don't worry Roberta, I got your back *nods*
The holo-cactus or Haids? Why? Are you sure
you don't need some solitary confinement?
Oww! That is not necessary, I'm on my way already!! First, though, I need to locate the kitchens, don't seem to be in the same place...
*stealthily starts sneaking around, glancing around corners and staying the shadows in search of the kitchen all while the clutching her cactus like her insanity depends upon it*
Why do you need the kitchen? Furthermore, how did a live cactus get into this Asylum? That's a dangerous item! Something must have gone wrong during transport.
* CC checks transport logs.
Aha! Found it!
* CC Reconfigures transport scanners to take care of the problem
, even though it's very likely this is the only time such mass transport needs to be initiated.
I FOUND THE KITCHENS!!!
No?
That's a mouse hole you say?
Then why is there cheese inside?? CHEESE! Kitcheny cheese! From kitchens!
Now really, do you think there's mouses on the Asylum with all these cats around?
*follows tess, poking the cactus all the while despite the scratches and scathes now forming on his hand*
See? It's even dangerous to
visitors.
*notices nifty, and pulls him into an alcove just before a cat-guard passes by*
*whispers* Nifty, you're going to get us caught! There's cat-gaurds everywhere... and it's of highest importance that I get chocolate and sweets to the patients! Who knows what they might do if deprived too long! Follow if you like, but quietly. And no poking! 
*checks the hallway, ninja-rolls out of the alcove (made rather difficult as she is still holding the cactus), and continues onward*
Upon relocating everything I have made sure past employees can no longer enter the kitchen through the biometric field, which now mimics the colour of the adjacent walls, so unless you know where it is, you can't find it. Kitchen personnel will only enter or exit the kitchen when there's nobody watching. If that tends to be impossible, there's always another plain biometric exit into an area only accessible by personnel anyway. That's actually the emergency exit, but not revealing the location of the chameleon biometric field is also of the paramount importance.
Also, there's no need to be concerned about lack of chocolate and sweets to the patients. Even on the 5th floor kitchen personnel made sure every patient had his/her monthly allowance of sugar. Unless this an attempt to be reinstated as Asylum personnel, but I must stress this is not the proper way.
* guardcats encompass Tess and nifty and escort them out of the Asylum, including the live cactus.
