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Therapy: King's Quest Style

Started by Damar, September 06, 2010, 08:13:08 PM

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Damar

So, I got pretty bored the other day and decided to psychoanalyze the characters from King's Quest.  Abnormal psychology is kind of my thing, and I find it fun to pick at the inconsistencies of fantasy characters as well as look at how the characters would have responded to the continued traumas they went through.  So then I decided to write short dialogues between the characters and a therapist, as if they were in treatment.  I typed up a couple of short scenarios really quickly and ended each with the diagnosis.  So enjoy.  Or don't.  That's fine too.  This first one takes a look at Edgar's behavior throughout King's Quest.

"Alright, so Edgar, you're here because of a court order, is that right?"
"It's really ridiculous.  The courts don't understand."
"From what I understand, Rosella has filed a restraining order, which you have violated..."
"Rosella is...she's a free spirit.  She's playing hard to get.  This restraining order is her playing hard to get."
"She wants to you violate it?"
"Of course!"
"So the multiple times you violated this order..."
"Can you really call expressing love a violation?"
"Apparently you showed up underneath Rosella's castle window, singing a love song..."
"It was a Frankie of Avalon original!  Rosella loves his music!"
"Singing a love song at the top of your lungs in the middle of the night with a lute raised over your head."
"A lot of people would call that romance.  But this is how Rosella and I work!  We're courting!"
"Are you really?  The restraining order seems to indicate she broke up with you..."
"She's a free spirit!  She can't stand labels on relationships."
"You just said you were courting, though.  Isn't that a label?"
"Rosella and I are complicated.  It goes back to when we first met."
"Yeah, why don't we start there?  You met Rosella when you were both in Tamir.  She was searching for a cure to her father's heart attack and you were..."
"I was kidnapped and my appearance altered by an evil fairy who told me I was her son."
"Right.  So you saw Rosella one time and..."
"And it was love at first sight!  I knew we were destined to be together."
"You didn't even know who you really were, but you knew that your future lay with this girl from a distant land who was on a quest to save her dying father?"
"You don't understand true love, do you?"
"Do you?"
"Of course I do!  True love is what Rosella and I have!"
"Except for the restraining order."
"I knew from the moment I saw her that we were to be married!"
"Yeah, ok, why don't we talk about that?  So you told your fake mother, who you knew to be pure evil, that you wanted to marry this girl you just met."
"Lolotte was a horrible witch, but she did look out for me.  In her own way she loved me."
"See that's interesting.  You identified love with an evil woman possessing you and sheltering you.  You saw love as dependence."
"I don't think so."
"So it's just a coincidence that in order to marry Rosella, you had your evil mother kidnap her so that she would be forced to marry you and depend on you in this new, prison-like surrounding?"
"She would have grown to see the castle as home."
"Like you did?"
"I don't see your point."
"Really?  Because I find the parallels to be striking."
"What parallels?  I wanted Rosella to feel at home."
"And that's why you gave her the key?"
"Yes.  I knew she would seek me out."
"But she didn't.  She killed your fake mother and escaped.  That must have hurt."
"A little."
"But you still proposed to her anyway after being restored by Genesta."
"What better time than after she could see my true form and understand the depths of my love?"
"I'd imagine a better time would have been when she wasn't trying to get home to save her dying father.  Did you really think that she would marry a man she just met when her father was dying at home, no more than a day after she thought she'd die at the hands of a three-headed dragon?  The proposal couldn't have waited until her life stopped spinning?"
"Rosella loves me, deep down inside."
"And that's why you snatched her away to the Troll Underground?"
"Of course!  Fate kept pushing us together!"
"That's interesting.  It seems more like you were stalking her with the magical mirror/portal and when you saw a chance, you abducted her."
"You're saying I'm a criminal for expressing my love?"
"I'm saying you seem to have some boundary issues."
"If I really had boundary issues, why didn't I ask her to marry me again?  I just asked her to court.  Doesn't that show boundaries?"
"Well, you asked her out after sacrificing your life to save her and in front of her mother and both your parents."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying it would have been incredibly difficult for her to say 'no' under those circumstances."
"Or maybe she actually loves me!  How about that?"
"Or maybe you were emotionally manipulating her by asking her for a pity date after the climax of a world-wide cataclysm in front of no less than three royals and after Rosella had gone through a major ordeal of which you were the chief cause.  Very much the same as how you asked her to marry you in Tamir after she had been kidnapped, forced to kill your fake mother, undergone a number of traumas at the hands of giants, witches, and the undead, and was worried sick about her dying father."
"You make me sound like a bad guy.  Is love really so wrong?"
"Look, what I'm seeing here is that you never had any childhood.  You were stolen away by an evil fairy and twisted and brainwashed.  You never developed a core identity and because of that you feel fragmented.  You feel you need someone there to validate your existence.  You identify love from what you received from Lolotte which was actually psychological torture and fostered dependence and now you try to cultivate that in your so-called relationship with Rosella.  You see your true parents as too aloof because you don't really know them and they don't really know you.  So you look to the chaos and excitement that comes from this idealized concept of a relationship with Rosella."
"Rosella and I are meant to be!"
"You keep saying that and using terms like 'true love' but I don't think you have any idea what that means.  Not really.  You haven't had any relationships outside of the courtship with Rosella, which has ended in a restraining order.  Prior to that, your only involvement with Rosella revolved around kidnapping, emotional dependence, stalking, and an attempt at a forced marriage.  And now you have a restraining order which you have violated no less than three times because you can't help but follow her around and sing love songs to her.  You're afraid that if you're not in her life at all times, if there's not a codependent relationship happening, that she'll leave you."
"Of course I'm afraid she'll leave!  She's my world!  Unless I show her how much I care, she'll leave me for someone like Conner!"
"I really don't think anyone likes Conner, but still, that's a risk you have to take."
"But she might leave!"
"She's already filed a restraining order and now you're mandated for treatment.  I'd say she's made her choice for a future, and you're not included in it.  The only question remaining is what choice you'll make for the future.  Your life is moving forward and you can't just hold still for some idealized concept of love that doesn't actually exist.  We've got to get these extreme emotions manifested by idealizations and condemnations out of your everyday life.  It's just getting you turned around and leading you to more chaos."
"Life is empty without the chaos."
"That's because you see the codependence you had with Lolotte and Malicia as the only times in your life where you had a central, crystalline purpose.  But that was destructive.  You were being used.  You can find your own purpose and your own identity."
"Maybe.  But I think if Rosella just saw Etheria one last time she'd..."
"Edgar, I want to make this very clear: If you take Rosella to Etheria, that constitutes kidnapping.  You will be taken into custody upon your return to Daventry."
"But she'll love me!  When she sees my kingdom again, then she'll love me!  We're getting married!"
Prince Edgar of Etheria
Diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder

snabbott


Steve Abbott | Beta Tester | The Silver Lining

B'rrr

fun to read. nicely done  :P

Quote"I really don't think anyone likes Conner"

QFT
~Mary Jane supporter~
~Legend~

snabbott


Steve Abbott | Beta Tester | The Silver Lining

Damar

Glad you enjoy the dialogues.  Next up is King Graham.  He's got issues.

"So let's talk about these rituals, Graham."
"There are just some things that I need to do.  I can't stop."
"Things need to be a certain way?"
"Yes.  Always."
"Why don't we talk about your clothes?  They seem a bit worn down and dirty."
"It's my questing outfit!  I need to wear my questing outfit!"
"And why do you need to wear your questing outfit?"
"In case I need to go on a quest!"
"Surely you could wear something else, like your royal robes, and if a quest presented itself..."
"No!  No, I need to wear my questing outfit at all times!  You never know when you'll be forced to go on a quest through the countryside!"
"Do the clothes really make that much of a difference?  What if you changed your outfit instead of wearing the threadbare red tunic and the blue pants?"
"This is my questing outfit.  I can't just change it!  This is what I wear on quests!"
"You're not on a quest now, Graham."
"But I could be..."
"So you wear this outfit all the time?"
"Yes!  And it came in handy.  When the magic mirror showed me Valanice I was wearing it.  I was all ready to journey out!"
"Right, but you would have had time to change clothes.  You didn't need to have them on."
"But it was a quest!"
"When Rosella went on her own quest, she started in her royal gowns.  She was able to change clothes to blend in.  It worked for her not to be wearing a questing outfit."
"I don't follow."
"And speaking of Rosella's quest, I understand that when you had your heart attack, you still had to wear your questing outfit."
"It's my questing outfit."
"We've established that.  But the point is that you were on the verge of death, but you refused to allow your servants to change you into something more comfortable.  You were in bed dying, your family all around you, and you were still wearing the questing outfit."
"I know it seems odd, but you really need to be ready in case a quest shows up."
"What if I asked you just to take off your hat?  Could you do that for me?"
"It's my adventurer hat!"
"I know, but you're not on an adventure right now, Graham.  You're inside.  You can take the hat off."
"I...I'd really rather not.  It's my adventurer hat."
"Ok, we can work on that later.  Let's talk about the other rituals.  Which one causes you the most trouble?"
"I need to pick things up.  Pick up everything that's not nailed down.  If it is nailed down, look for loose nails!"
"So when did you realize this was a problem?"
"In Kolyma I realized I had a problem.  I came across this house that a sick grandmother lived in, and it had a mailbox.  I just had to open the mailbox to see what was inside."
"Even though that's a federal offense in Kolyma."
"I know.  But when I looked inside, there was this basket of goodies."
"It sounds like a family member was sending a gift to this elderly lady."
"Her granddaughter.  But I figured the goodies would come in handy.  I had to pick it up."
"Even though they were clearly a delivery for the woman in the house?"
"I didn't even think about it.  I had to pick it up.  And that's not the worst part...I met the granddaughter later.  She was crying..."
"And why was she crying, Graham?"
"Because the basket of goodies she wanted to give to her grandmother had gone missing."
"So your rituals had a major effect on this little girl's life."
"I had to pick it up!  Pick up everything that's not nailed down.  If it is nailed down, look for loose nails!"
"It didn't belong to you, Graham."
"I know.  But I had to pick it up.  Pick up everything that's not nailed down.  If it is..."
"Graham, I know the expression."
"I feel like I need to say it.  I need to say it after I mention picking something up.  I need to explain it.  Pick up everything that's not..."
"Graham, I know.  You're going to have to fight this ritual right now.  We're talking about the little girl.  Did you give her back the basket of goodies?"
"Yes.  And I got her flowers in trade."
"You took the flowers she picked for her grandmother?"
"In trade."
"In trade for the basket of goodies, which you stole out of the mailbox she had put them in?"
"You give items in trade for other items.  That's the way things work."
"So that's another ritual."
"No, that's how things work!"
"Is it?  Because it seems, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, that you stole this girl's basket of goodies that she made for her sick grandmother, then sold them back to her for some flowers that she also got for her sick grandmother."
"But the flowers helped me make friends with the mermaid!"
"I'm sure jewelry would have done the trick too.  The point here is that this ritual led to you stealing from a little girl and an old, sick woman, and then taking more things from them in trade for the object you stole in the first place."
"I made it better though.  I brought soup for the grandmother!"
"Soup that you stole from the dwarf."
"He was a thief!"
"That doesn't give you the right to take his soup!"
"Maybe not, but the grandmother was sick!  She needed to eat something!  She was hungry!"
"Maybe she wouldn't have been hungry if you hadn't stolen the basket of food."
"I know!  I need help!  These rituals are taking over my life!  I can't even walk through the woods without picking flowers!  They're just there and I can't go past without picking them up!  Pick up everything that's not nailed down.  If it is nailed down, look for loose nails!
King Graham of Daventry
Diagnosis: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Rule out Kleptomania


Rosella

The poor royal family... XD

These are fantastic. :P
I'm a princess even if my kingdom is pixelated.

Official Comfort Counselor of the TSL Asylum © ;D

It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive.

Damar

Thanks!  Next up is Alexander.  Now, I had trouble picking out inconsistencies for him (let's face it, Edgar does have boundary issues and Graham...well...he really should change his clothes every so often), so I went with what kind of pathology would have actually presented due to the lifetime of systemized abuse he would have went through until the age of 18.  If he was real.  Which he's not, I know, but if Alexander was real, odds are this is what he'd actually be like thanks to the mind frag Manannan created every day for 18 years.

"So, Prince Alexander?"
"It's KING Alexander."
"Ah, I didn't realize the coronation had already occurred."
"It was the social event in the Green Isles.  I'm a bit surprised that you didn't hear about it.  You don't really keep up with events, do you?"
"I keep up with the latest in research, but celebrity news, no I'm afraid I don't."
"Well, this isn't boding well for therapy, now is it?  We've only just started and already I'm telling you your business.  I guess just anyone can get a diploma these days.
"I'd like to think that I'm always learning, just as we all are as students of life.  You certainly had to learn a lot from a young age, didn't you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Your kidnapping and enslavement at the hands of Manannan.  I'm sure it took many tools and clear wits to survive it."
"Absolutely.  Manannan thought he was so smart, but I showed him."
"Still, growing up under his thumb like that, always being emotionally beaten down..."
"I'll never live like that again.  I'm a king now."
"Yes you are."
"Manannan got what was coming to him!  I did that!  I did!"
"You showed him that you weren't the stupid slave he always said you were.  You showed him you were meant for more than cleaning chamber pots."
"And I am!  At the age of seventeen, I cast my first spell!  Not a drop of magical blood in my veins and I took down an ancient wizard!  I ended the reign of terror of an entire pirate ship from my prison in the hold!  I killed a three-headed dragon that not even my oh-so famous father could destroy.  I alone slew the dragon from the fire and mist and avenged the hundreds of Daventry countrymen who died at its hands!  I did!  Me!"
"You showed Manannan alright."
"This has nothing to do with Manannan!"
"Doesn't it?  An evil wizard treats you as a slave and berates you every waking moment and that didn't have an effect?  You didn't have anything to prove?"
"I have nothing left to prove.  My entire life has been one proof after another!  I saved an entire kingdom!  I own a genie!  I journeyed to the Realm of the Dead and returned with two lost souls!  No one else has done that!"
"I believe Conner..."
"Conner brought back a living girl!  I restored life to two dead people!  That backwater pretender did nothing that compares to me!  True heroism is beyond his reach!"
"Your achievements..."
"My achievements are legend!  I passed the portal and sought out death!  I alone went where death has trod and challenged!"
"Challenged?  Like Shahrazad?"
"Yes!  Wait...did she challenge death in those stories?"
"I guess in a metaphorical way.  She kept the king from killing her by telling one thousand and one stories, so in a way, that was challenging death.  I think she was included in the poem more for rhyme scheme though."
"Regardless, I challenged He Who Reins Beneath the Sod to spare not one, but two mortals' breath!"
"Quite an achievement."
"You know it is!  I made Death cry!  I saved the entire city of the Winged Ones from the minotaur and was the only man to ever have an audience with the oracle.  I intuitively solved the Cliffs of Logic!  My intuition is so incredible that I, at random, picked out a replica of the genie's lamp!  I'm practically superhuman!"
"Is that so?"
"I excel in all areas of my life!  I won the heart of Cassima by saving her from Mordack!"
"Your father saved her from..."
"I was there!  I faced down Mordack when I was no bigger than his hand!  I faced him down as he threatened to feed me to Manannan!"
"But you didn't actually save Cassima from Mordack, though."
"I got Cassima to fall in love with me then and there!  And then I went to her home and saved her again!"
"You talk as if Cassima is a trophy."
"Have you seen her?  I bet she's hotter than your girlfriend!"
"This is a contest isn't it?"
"There is no contest.  I've already won."
"And you really don't think any of this need to dominate, need to be seen as superior, need to have others envy you..."
"I don't need to have people envy me.  They just do.  It's pathetic, but it's an unavoidable side effect when you're a living legend with a beautiful wife."
"No one is perfect, Alexander."
"You would say that."
"Why?  Because I'm not perfect?"
"You said it, not me."
"And you are perfect?"
"Perfect is such a strong word.  But I've told you all I've done.  People want to be like me."
"And do you think that your new subjects will appreciate that, or will they see you as arrogant and..."
"What do the commoners know?  Did they defeat a wizard when they were a teenager?  Some people are born to lead, and I am a leader!  I once talked a woman into marrying a beast!"
"Well he was a prince, enchanted to look like..."
"He was a beast and she married him on my say so after only a minute of hearing me talk about roses!"
"Maybe she actually felt for the beast."
"Maybe I'm a born leader and where I go, others follow."
"It's important for you to believe that, isn't it?  It makes all the abuse go away.  You need to know that you're not the chamber pot cleaning slave."
"I don't need to believe it.  It's true.  It just is."
King Alexander of The Green Isles
Diagnosis: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

snabbott

I can't wait to see Rosella. "Sure, Lolotte. I'll bring you everything you ask for so you can use it for evil!" :P

Steve Abbott | Beta Tester | The Silver Lining

B'rrr

Teehee, keep it up loving it!

Quote"That backwater pretender did nothing that compares to me!  True heroism is beyond his reach!"

<3
~Mary Jane supporter~
~Legend~

kindofdoon

It's funny, but your characterization of Alexander strikes me as pretty inaccurate...He's a pretty selfless guy, after all.

Daniel Dichter, Production/PR
daniel.dichter@postudios.com

Damar

Oh, I know.  Alexander's one of my favorite characters and KQ3 and 6 are my two favorites in the series.  Like I said, I just couldn't pick out any inconsistencies with him so I decided to write him as he would have turned out in real life.  Manannan was abusive in every way possible.  He was physically and mentally abusive every day of Alexander's life.  And he also kept Alexander from ever seeing another human for all his 18 years.  Technically speaking, that bar maid was probably the first woman Alex ever saw in his life.  And I doubt Manannan ever explained the facts of life to Alex, so that all would technically qualify as sexual abuse as well.  If someone went through that level of abuse and brainwashing every day for their entire childhood and adolescence, there would be a distinct possibility of developing narcissistic traits.  And if they then escaped that abuse and were placed in a life of privilege and power, well, narcissism becomes a guarantee.  So while I know that Alexander is selfless in the games, if Alexander were real, I'd bet money he'd be a raging narcissist.

Anyway, next up is Rosella.  I had a really tough time figuring out what was up with her, but sure enough she's got issues too!  Who knew?  Well, her behavior in KQ7 was definitely a clue...

"So, Rosella, apparently your parents have found your behavior somewhat disturbing."
"Apparently."
"You don't agree?"
"I wouldn't say it's disturbing."
"What would you call it?"
"Sometimes I can be...impulsive."
"Reckless?"
"Sometimes."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Well there was this time just recently when Mother was bothering me about suitors."
"Ah, this is right before Edgar kidnapped you and you saved Etheria."
"Right.  So Mother was bothering me about suitors and I kept telling her how boring they all were."
"Are they boring?"
"I thought so at the time."
"At the time?"
"Well, maybe I was exaggerating, but at the time, I felt that I deserved better.  I needed someone who was exciting and I wanted wild adventures.  I...uh...I think I actually broke out in song about it."
"You think you did?  So you're not sure?  Do you often break out in song?"
"Not usually.  It's all kind of hazy now, like things were moving too fast.  I guess I break into song when I feel...when I feel edgy or like I'm missing out.  I just have so much to think about and do and it...well that time it came out in song."
"Do you find that odd?"
"I do now.  Not at the time."
"Ok, well, what happened that day when Valanice was talking about potential husbands?"
"I saw this vision in the lake and a weird seahorse fairy shot out of the water and flew around me."
"That is..."
"Bizarre?"
"Very."
"Well, I jumped into the water."
"You saw a magical vision in the water and a strange creature, so you jumped, fully clothed, into a pond?"
"It seemed like the exciting thing to do."
"And would you say that qualified as impulsive or reckless?"
"I'd say that was impulsive.  I wasn't really in any danger and neither was anyone else."
"Any other times you were impulsive?"
"The entire time I was in that land, I just...I didn't feel like myself.  At least not in hindsight."
"How were you behaving differently from your usual self?"
"I was talking differently."
"How?"
"I was laughing more, being more childish.  I remember in Ooga Booga Land I kept saying 'eeeww' and 'blech!'  And also, the way I was talking...you know who I sounded like?  Those valley girls."
"You're talking about the accent from the people who live in the valley in western Daventry."
"Right.  They sound so stupid and superficial, but I was talking just like them!"
"And is that where the impulsivity ended?"
"No, there was other stuff as well.  I went through the Werewood Forest instead of going around it.  And there was this one stupid troll who was blocking a bridge and was demanding a toll, but I didn't even try to talk to him or bargain with him.  I just jumped in a cart and knocked him off the bridge.  It was really nasty of me, but I just felt like I needed to get past him!  And it was dangerous too!  I couldn't steer that cart!  I almost ended up in a lava flow!"
"Anything else?"
"At the end of it all, I agreed to date Edgar!"
"The man who kidnapped you?"
"And this wasn't the first time!  He had his fake mom kidnap me when I was in Tamir too!  That boy has issues, and I agreed to go out with him, just because it seemed exciting!"
"It certainly seems like your judgment was..."
"What?  Idiotic?"
"Somewhat impaired."
"Definitely."
"So we talked about the impulsive.  What about the reckless behaviors?"
"Well, you heard about that three-headed dragon some time ago?"
"I believe the whole countryside did, yes."
"It was demanding sacrifices and...this one day, I got it into my head that I should be the next sacrifice."
"I always wondered about that.  After Alexander came back, your parents made a decree that you had an intuition, that you knew you would be saved."
"That's the strange thing.  I was certain of that.  At the time, I knew I was untouchable, that the dragon couldn't hurt me.  I felt I was saving the entire land of Daventry and that I was invincible to the dragon's fire.  I thought that its reign would come to an end because of my sacrifice."
"So you thought that you could end the dragon by sacrificing yourself, even though it wasn't really a sacrifice because you didn't think the dragon could hurt you."
"It doesn't make sense, does it?  It did at the time, though.  What do you call that?"
"I believe the technical term is 'delusions of grandeur with ideas of reference.'"
"That sounds bad."
"It's treatable.  How long until you realized that you weren't immune to the dragon?"
"Not long after.  When Alexander arrived, I was coming down.  By the time I went to Tamir, I felt like myself again.  After that, though...I guess the whole ordeal with my father almost dying, and the undead, and killing Lolotte...I just got really down."
"So you find yourself feeling down in addition to these episodes where you get reckless, think you're invincible, act like a valley girl, and break into song randomly?"
"Pretty much.  I guess my parents are right to be a bit concerned."
"I suspect you already knew that.  You just didn't want to admit it to yourself."
"I think so too."
"I'd imagine these episodes also made it difficult to find a potential prince to marry.  Either you felt too miserable, or you felt no one was exciting enough."
"Exactly!  Can you fix it?"
"Well, I've heard that the gnomes that mine ore in the mountains sometimes dig up deposits of something called Lithium.  I know from the latest research that it's helped in cases like yours."
Princess Rosella of Daventry
Diagnosis: Bipolar I Disorder, Most Recent Episode Manic

kindofdoon

Quote from: Damar on September 09, 2010, 05:05:53 PM
Oh, I know.  Alexander's one of my favorite characters and KQ3 and 6 are my two favorites in the series.  Like I said, I just couldn't pick out any inconsistencies with him so I decided to write him as he would have turned out in real life.  Manannan was abusive in every way possible.  He was physically and mentally abusive every day of Alexander's life.  And he also kept Alexander from ever seeing another human for all his 18 years.  Technically speaking, that bar maid was probably the first woman Alex ever saw in his life.  And I doubt Manannan ever explained the facts of life to Alex, so that all would technically qualify as sexual abuse as well.  If someone went through that level of abuse and brainwashing every day for their entire childhood and adolescence, there would be a distinct possibility of developing narcissistic traits.  And if they then escaped that abuse and were placed in a life of privilege and power, well, narcissism becomes a guarantee.  So while I know that Alexander is selfless in the games, if Alexander were real, I'd bet money he'd be a raging narcissist.

I see where you're coming from. That makes sense, then.

Daniel Dichter, Production/PR
daniel.dichter@postudios.com

Damar

So after the Princess Rosella, we move on to everyone's favorite tanner (I'm looking at you B'rrr!) Connor!  Connor has issues too.  Who'd have guessed?

"So, why don't you tell me why you're here, Connor?"
"I am most sure I do not know."
"Not the first clue?"
"I travel the countryside seeking to uphold the values of Truth, Light, and Order!  'Tis my purpose!"
"Alright, see, I happen to know that you know why you're here."
"I know not."
"You have to report to a probation officer every week."
"Aye!  I say sooth to you that..."
"Ok, I'm just going to stop you there.  Why are you talking like that?"
"This is my manner of speech, sure!"
"No it's not Connor."
"What manner of man be you that can sayeth how one should speak?"
"Well, I'll tell you, Connor.  No one else talks like you.  The royal family themselves speak colloquially.  So either you naturally have an outdated speech pattern, in which case I'd love to hear how that happened, or you talk that way to screw with people."
"And tell me, good sir, why would I do such a thing?"
"Because it amuses you.  So you can either come in here for regular appointments, as mandated by your probation officer, and mess around, or you can talk normally and maybe we can actually have a conversation."
"I say to you..."
"And may I add that if you don't take these sessions seriously, I will report that to your PO."
"Snitch."
"Alright, so we've moved past the language issue I see."
"Of course we have."
"So for the record, why do you speak like that?"
"Because it's funny, that's why.  People don't know how to act when you talk that way."
"You like to watch them squirm."
"Maybe."
"A little aggressive, wouldn't you say?"
"If you say so.  It's just fun to me."
"Like the assaults?"
"Please.  Assault is so..."
"You've gotten in numerous fights, many while intoxicated at the local tavern.  You're constantly armed..."
"A man doesn't have the right to arm himself?  I am the Champion of Truth, Light, and Order!  The Champion Eternal!"
"I'm aware of your title.  It is certainly fortunate you were saved from the cataclysm."
"I would have made a gorgeous statue, don't get me wrong, but then who would have saved the world?"
"That's not exactly what I meant.  Being the Champion Eternal gave you the opportunity to indulge in your appetite for death, destruction, and weapons."
"Exaggerate much?"
"So what was the first thing you did when the cataclysm hit?"
"Checked out my stone girlfriend."
"And the second thing?"
"I went in her house and took some money and supplies."
"So you leered at your frozen girlfriend then looted her house.  What was the third thing you did?"
"I...you're going to twist this to make me the bad guy."
"Try me."
"I beat a goblin to death."
"What did you use?"
"My hands."
"Ah, I see.  I'm noticing a pattern here."
"And what would that be?"
"Disrespect for the boundaries of others, thrill of violence, and reveling in the pain of others."
"Really?"
"You're smiling at that.  You're telling me you don't love the violence?"
"There is something about it, isn't there?"
"The power."
"Yeah..."
"So after beating the goblin to death, what did you do to escalate the thrill?"
"I got my dagger."
"And what did you do with it?"
"I stabbed some goblins and killed my neighbors' chickens.  And I cut their pig in half."
"Why?"
"To get experience."
"Experience for what?"
"Experience for life."
"Life is about the violence, then?"
"Life is about taking what you can get.  Lucreto knew that, but he didn't count on me."
"And what did all that experience help you do?"
"A lot.  One of the best thrills I got came in Daventry.  I snuck up on this spriggan from above, jumped down on him, and slit his throat before he even knew what happened!"
"And you also looted everyone else's houses too."
"Of course!  I needed the money!"
"Why did you need money?"
"To buy things.  That's how money works.  Don't you know that?"
"You're getting sarcastic with me about this?"
"It was a stupid question.  I needed money to buy supplies and weapons."
"I'm not really buying that.  Maybe down the line you found people still alive who had weapons stores, but we're talking about you in Daventry.  Everyone you knew was turned to stone.  There were no stores open.  Yet you took everyone's money.  You took people's gloves and armor.  You took their food and potions.  You took everything they owned!"
"I was the only person left alive."
"And you celebrated by going down to the tavern and drinking all the ale you could."
"Tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing."
"I can't help but think that it would have taken me a while to adjust to the fact that everyone I knew was essentially dead and the world was overrun with monsters."
"I guess we're lucky you weren't the Champion Eternal, then."
"You don't really have a connection with anyone, do you?  I mean, you can do without people."
"I deal with people all the time."
"Right, when they're of use to you.  Outside of that, there's no connection.  And even when you are with others, there's not really any emotional interaction, is there?"
"You have to look out for yourself."
"And you certainly did.  You wiped out all the monsters in Daventry and broke into Castle Daventry."
"I always wanted to do that."
"Then you routed the entire skeleton army of the Dimension of Death."
"They had it coming."
"You eliminated the wildlife of an entire swamp, chopped down a forest of sentient trees, and decapitated a swamp witch."
"That was a lot of fun.  Oh, and I cut off a henchman's hand!  You should have heard him scream..."
"And you took the hand, didn't you?"
"I needed it to open a door."
"You didn't know that at the time, Connor.  You took the hand as a trophy."
"It was a good kill."
"You see yourself as a hunter, don't you?  There's power in that."
"Some people are hunters."
"And some are prey?"
"The hunters always need prey."
"And the community of Fire Dwarves you slaughtered?  They were prey too?"
"Now that...that was a challenge.  It was a very special moment when I cut down the last of them.  All of those stubby little creatures were dead.  I cut them all in half."
"It sounds like you kept escalating the thrill of the kill.  You slit a spriggan's throat.  You cut off a henchman's hand.  You decapitated a witch.  You cut an entire population of dwarves in half."
"So are you judging me?  Is that it?"
"I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from.  Your PO is concerned about your continuing violent behavior.  It seems to me that you had a history of violence, but this whole business with the Mask of Eternity gave you a chance to bring that violence to the forefront and have it escalate completely unchecked by society.  And now, Truth, Light, and Order are restored and you still want to escalate.  You still want to fight."
"I needed to fight to restore the Mask."
"The royal family of Daventry has shown again and again that you can journey and face off against evil without resorting to violence.  All you need are your wits."
"You want to know how a battle between your wits and my sword ends?  You get cut.  That's how."
"Of course you'd say that.  It doesn't really seem you've tried any other way."
"Oh really?"
"No.  You had the chance to relax and regain your strength in the valley with the standing stones, before you transported to the Realm of the Sun.  You could have explored the area, had some quiet time.  I'm sure anyone would have taken some respite.  But you ran right to the Realm of the Sun to fight some more.  You have the chance not to fight, but you never take it."
"Why should I?"
"I don't think you're motivated to.  You like the violence too much.  In fact, you really seemed to like the violence a lot.  Your dalliances with the Sylph and the queen of the Snow Nymphs in the midst of violence and strife show that for you, violence and pleasure are interchangeable.  And both those instances occurred at the most violent part of your journey.  You slaughtered an army of skeletons and wiped out a community of Fire Dwarves prior to each liaison."
"Yeah that was pretty fun.  You haven't lived until you get a Sylph to..."
"I really don't need the details, Connor."
"You know you do."
"And what about your girlfriend?"
"Whatever.  Sarah knows she's my bottom wench.  But a man needs a little something on the side."
"Sarah wouldn't mind?  So you told her about the Sylph and..."
"Nah."
"Ah, so she wouldn't really understand?"
"You know women.  Always making a big deal over everything."
"You don't really seem to have any empathy towards anyone else..."
"What does empathy get you?  Do you think I would have been successful restoring the Mask if I felt empathy?  No, this was about strength!"
"And now you're mandated to therapy because you can't stop fighting with people outside the tavern.  So how's that strength working for you, Connor?"
"So what, I need to try being empathetic?"
"Well, if you've never felt empathy before, then I'd say that goal is beyond your reach right now.  But your guiding star has been what's in your best interest.  I'd say it's time to reassess whether violence is really in your best interest or whether it's holding you back and impacting your freedom."
"And you think it is?"
"You tell me, Connor.  What happens if you don't report to your PO this week?"
"I see your point."
Connor McLyrr
Diagnosis: Antisocial Personality Disorder

crayauchtin

"If your translation is correct, that was 'May a sleepy hippopotamus lie down on your house keys,' but you're not sure. Unfortunately, your fluency in griffin-speak is too low."

We're roleplaying in the King's Quest world: come join in the fun!

darthkiwi

These are hilarious  ;D
Quote
"So you leered at your frozen girlfriend then looted her house.  What was the third thing you did?"
"I...you're going to twist this to make me the bad guy."
"Try me."
"I beat a goblin to death."
"What did you use?"
"My hands."
XB
Prince of the Aquitaine. Duke of York.

Knight errant and consort to Her Grace the Empress Deloria of the Holy Roman Empire, Queene of all Albion and Princess Palatine.

Rosella

XD Poor Connor. I don't think he chose to be in the game he was... :P

You should do the villains after this!
I'm a princess even if my kingdom is pixelated.

Official Comfort Counselor of the TSL Asylum © ;D

It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive.

Delling

Quote"I really don't think anyone likes Conner, but still, that's a risk you have to take."

"...True heroism is beyond his reach!"

"...then I'd say that goal is beyond your reach right now."

Also, I'm noticing a theme with Connor and reaching... must be those short stubby 3D arms. ;P
Noli me tangere! Nescio ubi fuisti!
Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!

Marquess of Pembroke
Duke of Saxony in Her Majesty's Court
Knight of the Swan for Her Imperial Highness

...resistance was obviously useless against a family that could invent italics.

"Let the locative live."

http://my.ddo.com/referral/Delling87

Damar

And now from one of the most reviled characters we make a switch to one of the most...um...yeah, ok, this one is pretty reviled too.  Probably more so than Connor.  This one was just too easy.  I mean seriously, you don't need to be a mental health professional to diagnose this guy.

"So...I have to admit, I've focused mainly on human psychology.  I don't really know much about the pathology of owls."
"Oooh, that's alright.  I'm more human than not.  I'm a highly educated owl!"
"Educated owl?"
"Oooh, you look like you're about to laugh!"
"Not at all.  Ok, so what seems to be the problem?"
"People say I worry too much."
"And do you?"
"Why not at all.  Unless there's a witch nearby!  Or a wizard.  Or a POISONOUS snake.  Or a nasty dog.  Or bandits.  Or an innkeeper.  Or a desert.  Or a POISONOUS snake.  Or gypsies..."
"Ok, so it seems..."
"I'm not done yet.  Or a basement.  Or harpies.  Or a POISONOUS snake.  Or mountains.  Or wolves.  Or..."
"Ok, why don't we leave it there for now?  So you don't think you worry too much?"
"Oooh, no.  I don't like it when people say I worry.  It makes me..."
"Worry?"
"Oooh...I...I suppose so."
"Ok, then why don't we just go with the supposition that you worry a lot?  How do you deal with that worry?"
"Well, I suppose I just don't go around those things."
"I'd imagine that makes it difficult to do things like buy groceries in town..."
"Oooh, I don't go into town.  I had a nasty run-in with a dog and..."
"So you don't go into town?"
"No."
"How about a nice relaxing time in the forest?"
"Oooh, I don't like the look of some of those forests.  Besides, they come to close to the desert.  Most people avoid the desert because there are bandits out there!"
"Of course you could avoid pretty much any danger by flying."
"Maybe, but I'd rather not risk it!"
"Is it really that much of a risk?  If there was any danger, you'd be safely above it.  Plus, it's not like we're talking about you flying into the Old Forest.  Just flying around the main forest.  And anyway, isn't the witch gone now?"
"But there are elves in the Old Forest now.  They've overrun the place!  Tiny, shoe-making elves!"
"And you..."
"I don't trust 'em!"
"Is there anyone you do trust?"
"Crispin."
"But you can't stay around Crispin forever.  Eventually you have to deal with someone else."
"Do I?"
"Well, where do you go for relaxation?"
"I like to stay in Crispin's house."
"Ah.  Is Crispin alright with that?"
"Oooh, I'm sure he is."
"Do you pay him rent?"
"I...I don't really have an income."
"Have you ever held down a job?"
"I...I really don't like to leave Crispin's house.  Bad things happen out there.  One time, one time I went out and I was witness to an evil wizard stealing a castle and Crispin sent me out all around the country!  I was worried sick having to watch that king!"
"Really?"
"Yes!  There were times, especially when he was walking too close to the edge of a cliff, I was so worried for his safety!"
"Didn't you try to warn him?  Maybe he didn't know he was getting to close."
"I was so worried, I don't think I could have managed to say anything until after he would have fallen!  Still, it doesn't matter because he got through everything alright."
"Did you try to warn him about anything?"
"Yes!  I warned him about the Old Forest!  And about the Inn!  And about the desert!"
"So when you were in these places with him..."
"Oooh, I didn't go in with him."
"So you just warned him of danger, then stayed where it was safe?"
"Yes.  It was safer not following him!"
"Ah, I see.  So was there any time when you actually went into a dangerous situation to warn him?"
"Yes, when Crispin sent me into Mordack's castle to warn Graham about...oooh...something.  I don't quite remember what it was I meant to tell him.  But I tried to warn him!"
"So you conquered your fear!  That's a good!  What happened?"
"Mordack killed me."
"Killed...you..."
"Shot me right in the chest.  I'd barely recovered from the harpies tearing me to pieces and Mordack just..."
"Ok, so it's clear that you have some trauma associated with leaving Crispin's house."
"I don't like to leave Crispin's."
"How difficult was it to make it here today?"
"Oooh, I didn't really want to come.  There are crazy people here! "
"Actually the mentally ill are no more dangerous than the population at large.  Really, you're more likely to be robbed by bandits than be attacked by someone with mental illness.  That's a true statistic.  It just seems like the mentally ill are dangerous because the media reports those stories more often."
"But I don't trust 'em!"
"But you're here now, aren't you?"
"Oooh, but so many bad things can happen out here!  I'd feel much safer at Crispin's!  I think I should go back!"
"You have to leave Crispin's house at some point.  You have your whole life to live."
"Oooh, I don't know...I really don't think I want to stay here anymore.  I...just want to go back to Crispin's."
"What about these therapy appointments?"
"Oooh, you can do therapy if you want...but I'll wait for you at Crispin's!"
Cedric
Diagnosis: 1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder
2. Agoraphobia



kindofdoon

Lol, this is spot on. I love how everything Cedric says is prefaced with "Oooh"; I can practically hear him saying that over and over.

Daniel Dichter, Production/PR
daniel.dichter@postudios.com