Best Twlight Reviews EVER (SPOILERS)

[The Hero]

New Moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-znIwnX0t0
Twilight 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Dt0ZuOfqwU&feature=related
Eclipse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hClyeMquMPE
Its all so true

[Haids1987]

I don't get why people who say they hate Twilight actively seek out information on it.  Makes me a little suspicious how much they actually "hate" it. 

[atec123]

I am going to say it.....

newmoonwasntthatbad!

*whew* ok i said it.

the movie.... it was decent i guess.  the first one, however, sucked.

I dislike the use of muse songs in twilight.   Irespect that whatserface who writes the books likes muse but muse and twilight don't mix.

[Haids1987]

Stephenie Meyer seems to think so.  She thanks them in her acknowledgements at the end of every book.  I didn't know that they were in the movie, too.  Lame!

[KatieHal]

People go out of their way because the books had promise and started off okay, but then....downward spiral, seriously!

I used to like them. I went through the first 3 really quickly, enjoyed them for the popcorn reads they were, and then....well, then Breaking Dawn happened. I read it, put it down, and thought....WTF just happened?! And then all the flaws in the rest of the series became startlingly obvious to me.

Plus it's really just so easily mockable.

[Haids1987]

True, I enjoy the books and I still love making fun if them.  Some of the Edward/Bella lines are so gag-inducing that you have to mock them.  I'll sign notes to my sister, "Look after my heart--I've left it with you!"  

And agreed, I had to reread Breaking Dawn immediately after I finished it--I was like, "Did I really just understand everything that happened?"

[kindofdoon]

I'll sign notes to my sister, "Look after my heart--I've left it with you!"  

I haven't read the books, but I find that very funny.

[Haids1987]

I think I've posted it before, but some poor sap got that tattooed across her chest.  Lemme see I can find the picture...

Ugh.  Here it is:

[crayauchtin]

Gerrrrrrosssss

[LadyTerra]

Ugh.  It looks like either a really fresh tattoo or she got a slight rash.

I've read the first book thinking, "Hey, vampires!  I'm a Buffy fan.  This could be awesome!"  Long story short, I was disappointed.  Granted, when I heard about what happened to Bella in the fourth book, I thought of Jeff Foxworthy's story about this guy whose nipple was bitten off by a beaver, which was added to the list of ways you might be a redneck.  I'm sure they're only splitting the movie to piggyback on Harry Potter.

As for the reviews, Donner's not bad (I totally didn't notice Edward's uneven nipples.  That was scary and funny), but these two are hilarious:

Twilight:
http://www.d2brigade.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=119&catid=80:filmfox&Itemid=53

New Moon:
http://www.d2brigade.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=150:film-fox-new-moon&catid=80:filmfox&Itemid=53

Eclipse:
http://www.d2brigade.net/reviews/80-filmfox/769-vixen-a-steven-review-twilight-eclipse

[Fierce Deity]

I couldn't even get through the first book. All my friends told me that I was missing out on a great series, so I decided to give it a chance. There's nothing mystical or romantic about the book, so I don't know exactly what the author was going for. 

[KatieHal]

Terra, that's pretty much exactly what I thought!

Haids, the answers is: nothing happened. Absolutely nothing happened.

That's what irks me the most. All that build-up....and NOTHING. No one loses anything, sacrifices anything, everyone just gets what they want. Ugh. I wanted a huge bloody battle, dammit!

And then the other two great sins: vampires DO NOT sparkle, and of course the ruining of Jacob Black by turning him into Pedowolf.

[tessspoon]

Tess, that's pretty much exactly what I thought!

What? I haven't posted anything in this thread.

[Enchantermon]

Granted, when I heard about what happened to Bella in the fourth book, I thought of Jeff Foxworthy's story about this guy whose nipple was bitten off by a beaver, which was added to the list of ways you might be a redneck.

Bella got a nipple bitten off?

And then the other two great sins: vampires DO NOT sparkle . . .

And if they did, they wouldn't whine about it ruining their lives.

. . . and of course the ruining of Jacob Black by turning him into Pedowolf.

Wow. I didn't know what Pedowolf was, and now that I Googled it, all I can think of is Jacob running around shirtless with Pedowolf's head on his body.

[KatieHal]

No, she just got a C-section by tooth. 

Sorry tess--I meant to write Terra!

Ugh, yeah. What exactly is so terrible about being a vampire in those books? Nothing! You're gorgeous, athletically gifted beyond measure, live forever, can walk in the daytime, nigh-impossible to kill, and you can choose to not dirnk human blood if you want. Um...yeah, the only thing they need to worry about is being accused of being covered in body glitter at inappropriate times.

[Enchantermon]

No, she just got a C-section by tooth. 

.....
Oh.
Oh, gross. Ohhhhh, nasty. Wow. Why.....why would she even write that? That's disgusting!

Ugh, yeah. What exactly is so terrible about being a vampire in those books? Nothing! You're gorgeous, athletically gifted beyond measure, live forever, can walk in the daytime, nigh-impossible to kill, and you can choose to not dirnk human blood if you want. Um...yeah, the only thing they need to worry about is being accused of being covered in body glitter at inappropriate times.

What I don't get, though, is this: vampires in Twilight are cold to the touch, right? How could you stand to kiss, let alone do non-G-rated-forum stuff (this is an assumption based on the C-section) with, someone who is freezing cold? I can't imagine it being at all pleasant.

[snabbott]

. . . and of course the ruining of Jacob Black by turning him into Pedowolf.

Wow. I didn't know what Pedowolf was, and now that I Googled it, all I can think of is Jacob running around shirtless with Pedowolf's head on his body.

I think that was a reference to him falling in love with Bella's baby.

[Enchantermon]

Woah. That's...even creepier than it already was.

[KatieHal]

All excellent questions, Enchantermon.

[Fierce Deity]

And then the other two great sins: vampires DO NOT sparkle, and of course the ruining of Jacob Black by turning him into Pedowolf.

I giggled. 

More on the procreation though. How can Edward "make a baby" with Bella if he doesn't have any blood to . . . you know? 

Also, wasn't this whole story inspired by a dream that Stephanie Meyer had about vampires? It's no wonder why it's so weird.