Ask Crispin!

[KatieHal]

Lord of the Rings is somehow part of the World of Daventry? Okay, this I gotta hear.

[Baggins]

Eh, the links in the post are about the limits of information included in King's Quest lore, LOL. To take it further basically King's Quest Companion and novels (and a few of the games/manuals) treats quite a few fantasy and fiction as "historical documents". So things like Necronomicon, were written by Abdul Alhazred, etc. Those myths and legends you heard about about individuals such as Medusa (KQ3), Pandora (KQ4/KQC), Icarus (KQ6), Pegasus (KQ2/KQ5), Neptune (KQ2) and Zeus?  Solomon (mentioned in KQC, and See No Weevil), Count Dracula (KQ2), Socrates (KQ3), Shakespeare and Simon Byrne (KQ4), Helen of Troy and Cleopatra (KQ6), Sun Tzu (KQ8)? Yep they really happened. Much of these secret 'histories'were brought over to the world of Daventry, and speak of times when, or before the people of Daventry ''withdrew'' to their new world.

Derek Karlavaegen heard stories of Frodo and Sam, and their journey to Mordor, and Atreyu to Fantastica (Never Ending Story, for anyone who doesn't get the reference), LOL. There is a comment on how Mordack's cobra dragons are similar to statues encoutnered by those heros on their quests.

POS did a similar thing with Persephone, Samson and Delilah, btw .

[Deloria]

Dear Crispin,

It appears you have gotten a certain administrator to make it appear as though you had a very great number of posts. How did you manage this? Can said administrator be bribed? I can has?

Sincerely yours,
Someone who had to work for her posts!! Actual spam! It took me over a year to get to 8000 posts! And along ho geron and stays for two months and suddenly he has almost 9000!!!!

EDIT: "Geron", not "geros".

[Enchantermon]

Yeah, I was wondering about that too, lol.

[kindofdoon]

The post count was a gag; someone was meant to remove it a while ago, I think.

[Enchantermon]

Ah. Is the number a reference to something or was it just random?

[blahmoomoo]

Wisdom indicator?

[Ask Crispin]

Dear Crispin,

I think you are a total fraud! My friend, the late Mr. I. Fudgit tried to use one of your spells to teleport his mother-in-law away, and due to a "misprint," the spell turned her into a goat. When he followed your instructions for reversing the process, there was another "misprint," and she was turned into a giant carnivorous bird and ate the whole family! I am going to contact the Society of Wizards and ask them to have your wizarding license revoked!

-Ira Porchu

Oh my, that is quite a pickle! Or maybe it was with a pickle? I always enjoy a good pickle myself. Mm. Perhaps his mother-in-law was upset that he hadn't offered her any pickles? I'm sure she was already upset about the goat incident. A good pickle offering can go a long way, friends, remember that!

I am quite sorry about Mr. Fudgit. I will have a stern chat with the typesetter of my books! Will you be seeking his license as well?

So, Crispin, when you went to 'the country nearby Serenia', and couldn't help Graham any further. Where was that exactly? Does the land have a name? Which direction was it from your house? Are you really Merlin, and will you ever get your mirror back? How is Archimed...Cedric doing? Finally, have you seen Gandalf lately? Galadriel says 'Hi'.

-Zippo Lightfoot-Baggins of The Shire (I'm not Frodo, he is a distant cousin).

P.S. I understand a colleague of mine one known as Ira Porchu, wants to have your membership with the Society of Wizards revoked, he wouldn't believe me when I tried to explain to him that you are the leader of the society, and thus it would be very difficult to make you step down. Could you explain this to him so that he will understand?

Hm, I can't say I know a Frodo or Gandalf or Galadriel, but I have read about one or two of them. But I'm a polite wizard, so you tell them I say hello as well!

My name is Crispinophur, however, as I said before. Maybe you need your eyes checked! I've a spell for that, if you're interested. Cedric is quite well, thank you.

You're quite tricksy, Mr. Baggins, but I'll not be revealing that one to you! As you may know, the identity of the Head of the Society is a well-guarded secret. But, even if I were he, we do our best to have transparency in the Society, so all license inquiries are sent by the review board. I hope the typesetter is prepared for his own review! (He should bring pickles--they always help grease the wheels of politics!)

Dear Crispin,

It appears you have gotten a certain administrator to make it appear as though you had a very great number of posts. How did you manage this? Can said administrator be bribed? I can has?

Sincerely yours,
Someone who had to work for her posts!! Actual spam! It took me over a year to get to 8000 posts! And along ho gerios and stays for two months and suddenly he has almost 9000!!!!

My goodness, so it is! I'll just go dig up my wand for a wave and fix that....hmm...it's around here someplace....

[kindofdoon]

I'll just go dig up my wand for a wave and fix that....hmm...it's around here someplace....

And balance was restored to the Force, er, the Forum.

[Baggins]

My name is Crispinophur, however, as I said before. Maybe you need your eyes checked! I've a spell for that, if you're interested. Cedric is quite well, thank you.

Dear Crispinophur:

I will be sure to pass on your welcome to the great Wizard, Gandalf and the elf Lady Galadriel, she of the Golden Wood if I see them again. I'm sure they will appreciate your concern. I haven't seen Frodo in years, rumor has it sailed off into the west. He hasn't been seen again, and his family and friends worry that he might have died. If you find out anything more through your magic could you let us know if he is safe?

I apologize Crispinophur, sir, I was mislead under good authority namely the name of your column, and your friend Cedric, and King Graham, and Derek Karlavaegen, that you prefer being called 'Crispin'. Were they somehow confused?

If you are referring to name Merlin, he who once owned the Magic Mirror of Daventry. There are rumors that you and Cedric are Merlin and Archimedes, living in Serenia under assumed identities. Sure there is no evidence to know for sure, and I apologize for spreading such gossip. But inquiring minds wanna know.

Hmm, I suppose that your mission to the 'nearby land' must have been top secret, and thus you cannot reveal further. Graham hinted you went to learn more about Mordack there, and has no idea where you went. But beyond that even he was a bit miffed you left him with a faulty wand, and he feels you gave him the Bird, literally... However, he was greatful for what help you offered. In the end the wand and the fowl one, saved his life, and that of his family. Without them he wouldn't be around today.

-Yours Truly, Zippo Lightfoot-Baggins of The Shire.

P.S. If you ever come to visit the Shire, you are welcome to share first &  second breakfasts, and even elevenses with me. There is plenty to go around, and we so love to hear stories of Wizards, and their quests. As my cousin-many times removed, Bilbo, used to say, you can never have too much company (even when they are dwarves). Its true except for maybe those fire dwarves of Mount Doo...The Barren Region... They are bad company all around. But excuse my digression; I'm not suggesting you are one of the Little Folk. Since your tastes are refined, I'll make sure the best pipe-weed is available.

P.P.S. When is Cedric going to get the respect he deserves, and get his own column? 'Ask Cedric', I like the sound of that. BTW,I'm glad to hear that Cedric is in good spirits. Knowing him he perhaps has been imbibing in those spirits a little too much, but I digress. He has earned the right in my book, and there is plenty of Shire Ale to go around if you bring him along.

[Ask Crispin]

You are quite the literal one, aren't you, Mr. Baggins? Crispinophur is my full name, but I do also go by Crispin, yes. I am aware as well of how King Graham's quest to Mordack's Island ended, of course, and I'm quite happy it turned out so well. And to be rid of Mordack! Nasty fellow in the end, there.

Rumors will spread no matter what we say, won't they? But if I were Merlin, it would be quite foolish to go around yelling it from the flying broomsticks!

As for further inquiries into my life, I recommend picking up my new book, it's an autobiography! "Things I'm Still Allowed to Say: Half-to-Most of the Life and Times of the Wizard Crispin." Hopefully that typesetter sorted out his errors when they printed this one! Do write again if you're in need of magical advice!

[Lambonius]

Dear Crispin,

I am 12 years old and recently I've discovered that my voice is becoming deeper and I am starting to grow hair where I previously had none.  I'm terrified I'm becoming a werewolf.  Help!

[Cez]

LOL

[Jujuba]

Hi, Crispin! How old are you?

[Baggins]

Pretty sure he can't answer that one, you'd probably have to look in that autobigraphy he mentioned about himself...  

He's older than a millenium at least, according to a quote by him made in the King's Quest Companion. The quote btw alludes to the period he may or may not have led the first withdrawal into Daventry (assuming he actually lead the withdrawal, which he is rumored to have done).

[wilco64256]

Pretty sure he can't answer that one, you'd probably have to look in that autobigraphy he mentioned about himself...  

He's older than a millenium at least, according to a quote by him made in the King's Quest Companion. The quote btw alludes to the period he may or may not have lead the first withdrawal into Daventry (assuming he actually lead the withdrawal, which he is rumored to have done).

I believe the term you're looking for here is "led" unless you're referring to pencils?

[Lambonius]

Pretty sure he can't answer that one, you'd probably have to look in that autobigraphy he mentioned about himself...  

He's older than a millenium at least, according to a quote by him made in the King's Quest Companion. The quote btw alludes to the period he may or may not have lead the first withdrawal into Daventry (assuming he actually lead the withdrawal, which he is rumored to have done).

I believe the term you're looking for here is "led" unless you're referring to pencils?

Don't most forum admins and mods frown on people who post only with the intention of making others look stupid?

[drunkenmonkey]

True, but most admins and mods don't use this --> 

[KatieHal]

There is also a difference between calling someone stupid and mocking their mistake and saying "I think you meant XYZ".

[wilco64256]

Except I didn't post to make anybody look stupid or anything like that.  Only to make a subtle point that sometimes people don't actually intend for something they wrote to be taken absolutely literally.