Dark-Daventry's written works

[dark-daventry]

Ok, so I've been toying with the idea of posting some of my written works. I don't have it all available to me right now (it's all on my external hard drive, and I'm using my MacBook Pro in my classroom...) but is anyone interested in some of my written works? I've got some poems, some stories... A lot of the stuff is old, incomplete, and some were ideas from when I had wanted to be a writer. I've since put that aside (for now), and I may be willing to make public some of my ideas. Keep in mind some of my writing dates back a long ways, and I can assure you that my writing has improved tremendously since then. Again, I don't have access to my files right now, but when I do, is anyone interested? I even have a few KQ ideas buried in there. None of them will ever see the light of day now, but they were cool ideas when I was in middle school and dreaming up all sorts of fan-fics. I've even been attempting to write a Cardcaptor Sakura fan-fic for a while now. I feel like the manga could be expanded, and I've been writing a fan sequel to it. It's an idea I'm still really proud of, but it certainly needs some refinement. If anyone wants to see my work in progress on it, please do note that it does contain some mild bad language. The manga is a little on the uncensored side, even in english. Which is probably why I like it so much. So... yeah. Let me know!

[Damar]

Absolutely you should post some of what you've written if you'd like to.  After all, part of the fun of writing is people reading what you've created.  Feel free to share.

[LadyTerra]

I'd be interested in reading what you've written.  I don't know much about Cardcaptor Sakura, but it sounds interesting.

[Arkillian]

I'd be interested in reading what you've written.  I don't know much about Cardcaptor Sakura, but it sounds interesting.

Card Captor Sakura is a Shojo manga about a magic girl that collects all the cards of the Clow- a set of cards, each with a different ability so she can be the master of the Clow. Each card has a personality that she has to win over. It's a beautiful series. She has different outfits every time she goes after a card It's a VERY Clamp manga... if you've read any Clamp titles. I believe XXXholic tags on after Card Captor Sakura I like season two best with Erol in it. It is alot more dangerous, and Everyone is at their final forms I like that ^^

[dark-daventry]

I'd be interested in reading what you've written.  I don't know much about Cardcaptor Sakura, but it sounds interesting.

Card Captor Sakura is a Shojo manga about a magic girl that collects all the cards of the Clow- a set of cards, each with a different ability so she can be the master of the Clow. Each card has a personality that she has to win over. It's a beautiful series. She has different outfits every time she goes after a card It's a VERY Clamp manga... if you've read any Clamp titles. I believe XXXholic tags on after Card Captor Sakura I like season two best with Erol in it. It is alot more dangerous, and Everyone is at their final forms I like that ^^

xxxHolic is pretty good. I'm on on volume 2 of the manga, but it's pretty good so far. I'm really liking Tsubasa, which is an alternate universe of Cardcaptor Sakura. Sakura is now the Princess of Clow, her father being Clow Reed (the one who created the Clow Cards in the other universe). In this universe, however, the cards never existed. Sakura loses all of her memories, which are scattered throughout various worlds. Yukito sends Sakura and Syauron (I can't spell his name for the life of me, but it's pronounced Shou-Ron or something like that) to see the Dimensional Witch, who is one of the main characters of xxxHolic. That's right; Tsubasa and xxxHolic overlap. In fact, it overlaps with many other Clamp properties. There are tons of nods to Clamp's other works. The original Cardcaptor Sakura universe is also mentioned. It's really amazing in my opinion.

As for my Cardcaptor Sakura fan fic; well, it needs a lot of work and tweaking, and I'm not comfortable putting it online just yet. I re-read it recently and just stared at the screen in disbelief going, "did I actually write this?"

To give you an idea of what Cardcaptor Sakura is all about, check out theopening for the dub. Yes, I know, the dub sucks. But who wants to watch a japanese opening? It does a good job of establishing the basic plot. More or less. Also, one thing to keep in mind: The anime and the manga are completely different. The manga has only around 20 or so Clow Cards. The anime has about 52. The anime also adds a character that was not present or even mentioned in the manga, and the series ends completely differently. I'm partial to the manga because it's a bit on the uncut side (Yukito and Toya are in love! They're both guys, btw). In any event, once I get around to fixing my Cardcaptor Sakura fan-fic, I may post part of it here for everyone to enjoy.

Here's something I wrote as an assignment in freshman year of high school. It's a single paragraph. The assignment was to write various different paragraphs for different moods and themes (I think. it was so long ago now... ) This one paragraph has now transformed into something so much larger that I can't divulge any more details about it. I hope to someday refine, perfect and eventually publish this idea, whether it's as a book, a game or something else entirely. But the first paragraph should be a nice treat for everyone...

As I ran frantically to reach the safety of the shack, I could tell that the beast was after me. It was gaining speed as it ran, like a juggernaut. The more momentum it gained, the more unstoppable it became. I knew that it could sense my fear, that it could smell the blood coursing through my veins. It only wanted to satisfy its hunger. That's all it wanted. It's all these creatures ever wanted. Every creature I encountered since that fateful day in the Egyptian tomb sent monsters and mummies and all sorts of mythical beings after me. My job was to capture them, tame them. Hide them within their own world. They escaped from their own existence thousands of years ago. But I wondered how I got this job. Why me? I'm terrified of monsters. They scare me half to death. Sometimes to death. My body has improved in physical strength, so even if I was attacked and ripped limb from limb, I would still survive. I can't figure it out, but it still scares me that I face these creatures all the time. My face was drenched with sweat and my feet were beginning to tire. I tripped and fell, hitting the ground with a loud thump. As I sat there, the monster came closer and closer, my face beginning to sweat so much that I started acting as a sponge. I thrust my hands out with my eyes closed. I was waiting to see what would happen. Would I be killed in this instant, or would I be left to survive on my own in this deserted rain forest?

It's needs some refinement, but it's a nice treat for everyone I figure. And I haven't posted any of my writing on these forums in years. So, what does everyone think?

[Arkillian]

Sorry- got distracted at how pokemon that beginning of Cardcaptor Sakura was

Yes- I forgot about Tsubasa Chronicles. I never read any of that, but yeah- Clamp LOVE their crossovers Alot of big name companies do that though- DC, Marvel, Crossgen did when they were around, Image, Topcow...

The writing is looking good. I'm not sure if it's spoilers for the series of card captor I haven't seen- I've only ever collected the manga. We'll see how it turns out ^^

[LadyTerra]

I saw the opening.  It looks interesting, but why does she wear those weird outfits?  Do the cards make her wear those?  And who's the girl with the bunny pigtails kicking @$$?

Interesting about the change of numbers of the cards.  The major arcana tarot has 22 cards while the minor has 52.  Coincidence?

As for your paragraph, DD, it does pull me in.  I want to know what happens.  However, it feels like the character is giving exposition too quickly.  The thing about Egypt and his job to capture monsters seems too forced.  It seems like an odd thing to think about while he's running for his life.  I'd suggest bringing it up after he deals with the current monster.  On the technical side, your grammar, spelling, etc. is amazing.  I've read other papers with either too many commas or not enough commas.

I am confused about the, "Sometimes to death," line.  Does he die and come back?  That would be kind of cool.

[Arkillian]

I saw the opening.  It looks interesting, but why does she wear those weird outfits?  Do the cards make her wear those?  And who's the girl with the bunny pigtails kicking @$$?

Meiling Li is the girl in the black hair. She doesn't appear in the manga- I had to look her up D: Looks like she's Syaoran Li's sister which is why she has a physical style of fighting. He fights with a sword.

Sakura changes her outfits all the time because Tomoyo Daidouji is a seamstress and loves making her new outfits to try on and is constantly making new ones. In the manga, she is in love with Sakura, which is why she is so dedicated, but the Americanized version turned it into a friendship relationship. The cards don't care what she wears.

[dark-daventry]

Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, the "sometimes to death" line was criticized by my teacher too actually. I've been meaning to tinker with it.

Just so everyone knows, that paragraph has nothing to do with Cardcaptor Sakura. Completely unrelated. I was reading through my fan-fic last night and my eyes nearly fell out of my head at how badly written it was. I didn't think it was that bad! It's probably going to take me a long time to fix it. I'll see if I can scrounge up some more of my writing from somewhere... There was something I wrote by hand at camp years ago, and I've been in the process of transcribing it to the computer. But it's like trying to decode binary code because my handwriting is so abysmal to the point where I literally can't read my own handwriting half the time . So transcribing that document is taking a while. It's made all the worse by the fact that the last day of camp was raining, and the paper got soaked. Luckily. it can still be made out, it just takes me like five hours of staring at a single jumbled word to figure out what it is My own handwriting gives me a problem. Who'd have thought.

[Enchantermon]

I'm really liking Tsubasa, which is an alternate universe of Cardcaptor Sakura.

Buh? I had no idea. I need to find that now.

[dark-daventry]

I'm really liking Tsubasa, which is an alternate universe of Cardcaptor Sakura.

Buh? I had no idea. I need to find that now.

Yep. And it's really good too. It's quite a bit different than Cardcaptor Sakura, but it's still really good. Sakura and Syaoron still love each other, which is like one of the cutest couples ever. Speaking of Cardcaptor Sakura, the second movie is pretty good. The dub is actually good. Like, they did it right. They kept character name's the same as the japanese version, they kept Sakura's releasing the key thing the same, and it's a nice end to the anime side of things. Though it still ends a bit differently than the manga, it's not a bad ending.

[KatieHal]

Sometimes to death, I get how it's kind of a play on the 'half to death;, but yeah, it doesn't quite read well. The other part that sticks out is 'sweating so much my skin begins acting as a sponge'. Sweat doesn't really work that way--it goes away when it evaporates, it isn't absorbed back into the skin (and only might if you were severely dehydrated, but I'm skeptical about that as well). Oh, and I'd say surviving being ripped limb from limb qualifies as being immortal as opposed to just 'tougher'!

It sounds like an interesting idea, but if you were going to expand on that into a longer story, space out your exposition. We're given a whole load of information in this paragraph right here. (Which, given the format of the exercise, I realize you had little choice about; this is just a suggestion for if you were indeed to expand on it.)

[Enchantermon]

Speaking of Cardcaptor Sakura, the second movie is pretty good. The dub is actually good. Like, they did it right.

I completely agree. It's because a completely different studio was used for the dubbing of the second movie. Nelvana dubbed the series and the first movie (and completely screwed it up), but Bang Zoom! took the second movie and did the exact opposite. I know it'll never happen, but I was to see a complete, unedited dub of CCS with the cast that Bang Zoom! pulled together for the movie (Joshua Seth and Mona Marshall from Digimon among them). That would be so amazingly glorious!

[dark-daventry]

Sometimes to death, I get how it's kind of a play on the 'half to death;, but yeah, it doesn't quite read well. The other part that sticks out is 'sweating so much my skin begins acting as a sponge'. Sweat doesn't really work that way--it goes away when it evaporates, it isn't absorbed back into the skin (and only might if you were severely dehydrated, but I'm skeptical about that as well). Oh, and I'd say surviving being ripped limb from limb qualifies as being immortal as opposed to just 'tougher'!

It sounds like an interesting idea, but if you were going to expand on that into a longer story, space out your exposition. We're given a whole load of information in this paragraph right here. (Which, given the format of the exercise, I realize you had little choice about; this is just a suggestion for if you were indeed to expand on it.)

Thanks for the input, Katie. I noticed that sponge line last night while re-reading it and started thinking "but wait... Sweat and sponges? I really wrote that?" I'm going to have to rewrite part of this down the line. I'd say for a freshman year exercise, it turned out fairly well.

Speaking of Cardcaptor Sakura, the second movie is pretty good. The dub is actually good. Like, they did it right.

I completely agree. It's because a completely different studio was used for the dubbing of the second movie. Nelvana dubbed the series and the first movie (and completely screwed it up), but Bang Zoom! took the second movie and did the exact opposite. I know it'll never happen, but I was to see a complete, unedited dub of CCS with the cast that Bang Zoom! pulled together for the movie (Joshua Seth and Mona Marshall from Digimon among them). That would be so amazingly glorious!

I've always wanted to re-dub a lot of anime's because of how poorly dubbed they were the first time around. Both Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon rank high on that list. Cardcaptor Sakura especially. Thats why I love the official english translation of the manga. It's a lot more uncut (there's even some not so subtle hints of teachers dating fourth grade students. I highly disapprove, but hey, it's Japan. It's a different culture. Maybe dating your own fourth grade student is acceptable there... I doubt it, but at least it makes for an interesting read...). But let's move this back to my written works, shall we? I'll have to make a thread for general anime soon.

[Enchantermon]

. . . (there's even some not so subtle hints of teachers dating fourth grade students. I highly disapprove, but hey, it's Japan. It's a different culture. Maybe dating your own fourth grade student is acceptable there... I doubt it, but at least it makes for an interesting read...) . . .

Yeah, it's not, lol. I think it even says as much in the anime (Japanese version, of course; there's no way that would make it onto American television).

But anyway, yeah, I would also be interested in reading what you wrote.

[dark-daventry]

But anyway, yeah, I would also be interested in reading what you wrote.

Well, I've got some official writing in the pipeline... So you can look forward to that. I'll see what I can do for my own original works soon. I'm just getting out of math class now with 21% battery remaining on my laptop, so first I gotta find a power outlet...

[Damar]

My feedback would be the same as everyone else.  For a first year high school assignment it's good.  God knows stuff I wrote my freshman year was pretty horrendous.  Heck, I look at Trek fan fic I wrote a few years ago and find myself marveling over what a facelift it needs.

The amount of exposition is odd as the character is running for his life.  The first person narrator wouldn't really be musing about much when he's running for his life.  But since the assignment was just a paragraph, I can see how you (and anyone else) would be prone to push in as much exposition as possible to make it hold together as a coherent idea.  I also got the idea that this guy was immortal.  The sometimes to death line, the line after it talking about how he'd survive being ripped limb from limb (doesn't matter how strong you are, I take your arms and legs, you're bleeding out.)  And also the talk of curses.  I just assumed this guy was immortal, so that wasn't as clear.  Also, some mentions of him being in a jungle prior to the end would be good, especially since it would also evoke the spirit of the chase, pushing foliage out of the way, screaming wildlife, and so on.  As it is, I had this mental picture of just a regular forest, then the very last line I'm told its actually a rain forest.

[dark-daventry]

My feedback would be the same as everyone else.  For a first year high school assignment it's good.  God knows stuff I wrote my freshman year was pretty horrendous.  Heck, I look at Trek fan fic I wrote a few years ago and find myself marveling over what a facelift it needs.

The amount of exposition is odd as the character is running for his life.  The first person narrator wouldn't really be musing about much when he's running for his life.  But since the assignment was just a paragraph, I can see how you (and anyone else) would be prone to push in as much exposition as possible to make it hold together as a coherent idea.  I also got the idea that this guy was immortal.  The sometimes to death line, the line after it talking about how he'd survive being ripped limb from limb (doesn't matter how strong you are, I take your arms and legs, you're bleeding out.)  And also the talk of curses.  I just assumed this guy was immortal, so that wasn't as clear.  Also, some mentions of him being in a jungle prior to the end would be good, especially since it would also evoke the spirit of the chase, pushing foliage out of the way, screaming wildlife, and so on.  As it is, I had this mental picture of just a regular forest, then the very last line I'm told its actually a rain forest.

Thanks for the feedback! I probably am going to re-write this down the line. I just need to find a good solid two hours to sit down and write lol.