The Magic Soda Machine 2.0

[Yonkey]

You get a scanner.

*inserts keyboard*

[Suzie]

You get a keyboard that scans you!

*inserts music video*

[Delling]

You get... an infected laminar flow hood. These things happen.

*inserts having to wait to feed cells*

[PirateKingChris]

You get patience.

*inserts Radiohead*

[Suzie]

You get volume control on your nose!

*inserts a random CD*

[tessspoon]

You get a random song.

*inserts a semi*

[PirateKingChris]

You get a tanker full of milk.

*inserts box of Cheerios*

[Yonkey]

You get strawberries!

*inserts laundry*

[Suzie]

You get Yonkey's dirty drawers!

*inserts a pirate*

[PirateKingChris]

*pops out of the machine* What were you expecting?

*inserts nail clippers*

[hula_chick]

you get nail clippings...ew

*inserts Michigan's adventures*

[Suzie]

You get the Michigan dogman,

*inserts tiredness*

[Yonkey]

You get a pillow.

*inserts sunshine*

[PirateKingChris]

You get Cillian Murphy.

*inserts Band of Brothers*

[Suzie]

You get a band of sisters!

*inserts coffee*

[Delling]

You get... hyperactive! 

*inserts the get vs. become entry in a glossary of diction*
... and for that matter...
*inserts a request for a French glossary of diction*

[hula_chick]

you get a soda machine with better grammer

*inserts the cause of philosophy*

[Suzie]

The machine writes a book on philosophy!

*inserts a fork*

[icarus]

you get a spoon

*inserts a nasty drawing*

[Deloria]

You get a broken pencil.

*inserts Won't You Please Go Away message*