“Well, Cray, the time has come to meet your three bachelorettes!
“Bachelorette Number One is a seasoned adventuring companion, perfect for a point-and-click fan such as yourself. Hopefully you don’t mind the fact that she looks like an owl wearing a bad wig. Her skills include detecting highly dangerous reptiles, complimenting you on your insect-inspired dance moves, and blocking deadly magical spells that are just about to hit you. She may never have met you before, but she’ll be highly dedicated to you as long as you can keep her safe from that guy dressed up like a
Survivor contestant who’s constantly trying to kill her. Let’s hear it for Cedrica!
“
Bachelorette Number Two is literally out of this world! Coming to you from the exotic locales of Vohaul’s Asteroid, this girl truly believes the old adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We’re sure that your first night out with her will be much different than you could have conceived of, a date to simply die for! At least that’s one way of avoiding trouble with the Sequel Police. Let’s hear it for Unnamed Alien!
“Bachelorette Number Three is Justin Bieber.
“So, Cray, which lucky Bachelorette will it be?”
