Author Topic: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought  (Read 5056 times)

Offline The Hero

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need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« on: August 12, 2011, 05:10:59 PM »
didn't want to bring this out in the open but I am dying for advice who better to give advice who better then this community i love so much
So today my girlfriend confessed that a month ago during a fight she started talking to this guy from Sweden and he started to woo her and tell her "if hes no good maybe i can be better line" she says that she has been comparing us and i am "better" she says nothing happened they never met or had sex or anything but she still feels guilty for "cheating" says she will stop contact with him and that she loves me i forgive her because i love her but should i feel bad about not trusting her as much now should i end it otr give her another chance i am confused

Offline wilco64256

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2011, 07:46:27 PM »
I say forgive and forget.  There are enough far more serious problems in the world to be concerned over that I wouldn't spend a single moment that could be filled with happiness upset in any way over something that won't even be remembered in five years.
Weldon Hathaway

Offline The Hero

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2011, 07:51:43 PM »
so i should still marry her and forget this thing? but she admits she "liked" him

Offline Delling

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2011, 03:00:47 AM »
 :wall:   :smack:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs3Xj8bReG4&feature=player_detailpage#t=361s

There.

Kitty's advice to Dharma. That's my advice. Stuff it. She loves you, you love her. She didn't move to Jersey with her French tutor... err Sweden with her whatever... So, go out there, live your life, and get over it or let it gnaw on your soul forever provided that your love for her is greater--though if you genuinely forgave her, that wouldn't be an issue anyway. ::)


EDIT: the time-stamp feature hates me... it starts at around 5:30-6:00 in the clip and runs mostly to the end...
« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 03:02:55 AM by Delling »
Noli me tangere! Nescio ubi fuisti!
Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!

Marquess of Pembroke
Duke of Saxony in Her Majesty's Court
Knight of the Swan for Her Imperial Highness

...resistance was obviously useless against a family that could invent italics.

"Let the locative live."

http://my.ddo.com/referral/Delling87

Offline Deloria

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2011, 05:30:39 AM »
It's a huge step. Maybe she's simply not ready for such a commitment yet and did this out of panic. What kind of fight was it?
 
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Offline The Hero

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2011, 07:52:28 AM »
 to be honest i dont recall she just told ne it made her deeply said and thats "he" came and made her happy

Offline Deloria

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2011, 11:41:45 AM »
She might have told you because she's ready to commit to you and didn't want there to be any secrets between the two of you. Or she might have told you because she wants you to let her figure things out first. There's only a limited amount of information anyone can get out of this thread, so advice is fairly difficult to give.
 
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Offline The Hero

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2011, 02:17:40 PM »
 i can provide more information anything to help me resolve this

Offline KatieHal

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2011, 05:05:37 PM »
Talk it out, and make a point of, in the future as well, promising that you'll talk things out with one another if you're upset. Be honest but not harsh, sympathetic but not a pushover, and respect one another. You'll have fights or disagreements, doubts and questions, tough times and good times. Nothing ultimately came of her talking to this person, she told you about it, it doesn't sound like anything that's too big of a deal. Needing to take some time or talk to a friend when you're upset is understandable and acceptable.

You might feel wary for a time, but that's understandable here, too. Like most folks have said--talk about it, about why she did it, why you might feel hurt, and so forth.

Katie Hallahan
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Offline The Hero

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2011, 06:30:44 AM »
 he started out as a friend but he kept pulling her heart strings and pushing for  romantic involvement and i talked to her and she said that maybe he was taking advantage of her and at that time she was just confused  has since told its over and stopped communicating with him  but i dont know if i can trust her she says she made her choice  that's me

Offline KatieHal

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2011, 06:56:48 AM »
Well--whether you trust her or not is your decision, no one else can really advise you on that, Hero. You need to talk with her and decide how you feel, if you can indeed forgive & move on, or if you're not able to do so. Again, my advice is talk to her and try to understand what happened, both you understanding her side and her understanding yours. No one else can make that call on how to feel about this for you.

Katie Hallahan
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"Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix." Christina Baldwin

I have a blog!

Offline The Hero

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2011, 07:08:45 AM »
 i decided no matter what shes still my baby girl and you know this is exactly why  your Head  pr your great with people

Offline Damar

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2011, 01:11:12 PM »
From what you described, you and your girlfriend had a fight so she talked to a friend online for support.  That friend started hitting on her and she told you about it.  I'm not really seeing that she did anything wrong or that she violated any trust whatsoever.  She certainly didn't cheat on you.  She has friends and she can't control if a friend wants to be more than friends.  It doesn't sound like she asked for those advances or gave him any signals that her relationship with you might end and she was looking to hook up with him.  And this guy isn't even in a geographical location to threaten your relationship (assuming you and she don't live in his city in Sweden.)

I'd say to move on from it, except that quite frankly there doesn't seem to be anything to move on from.  She didn't do anything.  Literally, she did nothing (again, from what you described).  In fact, her telling you about this situation shows that she's open in this relationship.  If you're really, badly bothered by this, then you need to look at your own concerns and insecurities in this relationship.  It sounds like you're really worried about the relationship falling or her leaving even though you're not describing any warning signs.  Maybe I'm reading too much into the situation but that's just what I do.  And that's what I'm getting from what you said.

Offline The Hero

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #13 on: August 18, 2011, 05:52:04 AM »
she seems to have changed her view
 I received these messages on her way to school via train
my baby 10:31:49 AM
Hmmm  silly baby  i here   
Reply my baby 10:32:30 AM
So much love you   
Reply my baby 10:32:53 AM
Honey want marry you soon   
my baby 10:36:12 AM
Marry you so we can have babys soon 

Offline DawsonJ

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Re: need major advice maybe i am not as happy as i thought
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2011, 02:58:54 AM »
I'm lousy at self-expression, so I rely heavily on music to emote. Here are some songs I consider to be worth their weight in gold in relationships:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nL0Pds3tntc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYjO-L48ZQQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQkaaX6Gxc4
 

anything