The Official KQIX Asylum

[Pacman928]

It's not an illusion!

Spoiler (mouse over to reveal):

At the end of the game, GLaDOS has cake and puts out the candle in it.  Clearly, the candle couldn't stand upright without a physical body supporting it.

The spoiler contains the ending of Portal.

[Deloria]

If I can float, so can candles.

[copycat]

It's too bad CC is never on, just his assistant.

Personal assistant, as in someone who follows the same rules and principles as CC himself has done in all these years. In fact, the only difference I see between my posting and CC's is the (extensive) use of smileys.

I've gotten better.  Can I not be released?

A really sane person would not state that kind of thing and then ask to get released. Just as being admitted to the Asylum is only done after extensive reviewing of ones actions as described in their posting, the way to being released is just the same. The only difference between the two is that in the foremost the posts that are being monitored are primarily outside of the Asylum (thread), and in the latter case the actions posted inside the Asylum (thread) are an issue.

If I can float, so can candles.

*fiddles through papers left by CC and finds the one pertaining to these episodes*
I believe it has already been determined your floating sensations were hallucinogenic in principle and were primarily caused by taking the happy pills & injections. Since candles can't take happy pills nor injections, they cannot have a floating sensation. In any way, you can't really float (yet  ), so neither can those candles.
This post courtesy of CC's personal assistant

[icarus]

could I have some toot sweets?
(see weird links thead)

[copycat]

could I have some toot sweets?
(see weird links thead)

As personal assistant I have no jurisdiction nor the time to check out other threads in this forum so unless you were to provide a direct link to the post pertaining this information I cannot allow nor deny. Purely on principle: any kind of sweet is allowed once a month.

CC himself has asked me to relay this information, in a prolonged period of recovery, even though it was followed by another (long) relapse (of inactivity). He appreciates me stepping in for him and in reviewing my posting approves of the way I handle things. He has also shown his appreciation of the get-well wishes that have been posted in this thread.

--------interruption of post courtesy of CC's personal assistant-----------
*A (black-)robed figure appears outside the Asylum's main portal. By a wave of his hand, the large portal swings open, even though it has not been in use for several years now, as no large objects have to pass through that door anymore. Everybody (that's allowed outside of course) just uses the small door that's been fitted inside the large portal. By another wave of his hand, the routines that handle the biometric sensor which prevent unauthorized access into the Asylum are also rewritten so he can pass easily through them. As he moves through the Asylum, apparently floating above the ground, noticing the lack of activity (in his thread), the Asylum sensors record him saying 'The curse I have put on this Asylum is clearly having a positive effect, what with the Manager out of action, and the patients are nearing a catatonic state (as well).'*
--------end of interruption of post courtesy of CC's personal assistant--------
This is clearly grave news and I have no idea how to counter this curse's effects.
This post (partly) courtesy of CC's personal assistant.

[Delling]

A curse you say?

I'm going to need some pixies and a cat!


*is handed a box full of pixies and a fluffy kitty*

*frees the pixies and orders them to work on this whole cursed thread business while he settles down to play with and cuddle the kitty*

Problem solved. ...as soon as the pixies figure it out... ...

[Deloria]

*sits down next to Delling and plays with the kitty*

[PirateKingChris]

*captures a pixie and makes it dance*

[Gilgamesh]

that ain't a pixie, that's the bird from the birdcage.

[copycat]

that ain't a pixie, that's the bird from the birdcage.

What birdcage? The Asylum is a 'cage free-zone'. There's only biometric fields now. Furthermore, I'm strongly against keeping animals in cages. Unless of course by 'cage' you mean the biometric fields, but that's still quite enough place for a bird's territory.

A curse you say?

I do! The Asylum's sensors also recorded 'first the Manager's staff and then the Manager, perfect, muahaha' before he vanished again by swishing his black robe.

*sits down next to Delling and plays with the kitty*

I believe the Manager himself has warned you before even an Asylum kitty's teeth are razor-sharp as are his/her claws. I too advise extreme caution when 'handling ' a kitty.

*captures a pixie and makes it dance*

As long as it was that pixie's wish too to dance I have no objection. However, if you 'force' a pixie to dance (against its will) that's totally against Asylum regulations and confined to your own cell you are/will be.

Problem solved. ...as soon as the pixies figure it out... ...

Please keep me informed on the pixies' progress. I was thinking about fleeing my post since curses were not in the job description. The Manager's condition seems to be improving since the arrival of the pixies. Once they can lift the curse I'm he might be resuming his normal routine. Whether that might mean the reappearance of the rest of the Staff is another matter, but we can only hope. At least this means...
...reply drafted by the Manager but refined and posted by the Manager's personal assistant.

(Posted on: May 05, 2009, 12:03:53 AM)

I have been notified by the Asylum's therapeutic staff the (use of) machine that was used until now to deliver EST has recently been banned in the area the Asylum is located in. Henceforth, the building contractor currently constructing the fifth floor (if it'll ever get completed, what with the current state of the economy, even here) has been notified and been instructed to install a newer version and will henceforth be referred to as ECT. Just one letter difference, but a serious improvement, according to studies. An 80% recovery-rate is currently predicted. Rest assured though, as was the case with EST, ECT will still only be used as a last resort.

[Delling]

*enters a room and sits down at a large table*

*five pixies fly in and seat themselves at pixie sized desks around the table*

How goes the decursing effort?

Pixie#1: The thread remains inactive despite our best efforts to restore a sense of playfulness... *was accused of being a bird*

Pixie#2: Actual attempts at removing the curse are ongoing: I'll direct you to our Director of Fairy Dust Efforts, Wand Minister, and Research Director.

DFDE: Fairy dust consumption continues to rise with no sign of a break in the curse but an increasingly thick layer of fairy dust throughout the asylum.

WM: Wands armed with appropriate counter-curses, blessings, and enchantments are continually checked out, used up, and recharged. No visible changes yet... we need better research on what we're dealing with. *glares at research director*

RD: WHAT!? We're doing the best we can...

Delling: ...excuse me, research director... are you part imp?

RD (offended): *puffing himself up* HALF-imps such as myself are naturally gifted in curses... would you want just any pixie researching your curse?

Delling: Well, no... but imps of any degree are given over to making mischief as well... I think I have found a problem in our general approach to the problem of the curse... I think, at least temporarily, I'll assign you to playing with the inmates uh... patients... and reassign Pixie#1 to your job, any objections?

Pixie#1/New RD (happy to be free of accusations of being a bird): None here!

¹/₂-Imp (grumbling): Fine...


All right, hopefully, the pixies will have better luck now...

[tessspoon]

*grabs the 1/2 imp and huggles it*

[copycat]

*grabs the 1/2 imp and huggles it*

[grumbles]might as well take over the Comfort Counsellor's job since she seems to have gone AWOL[/grumbles]

[Gilgamesh]

* looks around and sees only emptiness and dust *

whoa, long time not been here.
Time to check if the food is rotten.

[copycat]

Rest assured food hygiene has not gone slacking, even with the current state of the Asylum. You won't find any rotten food.
It seems all this pixie dust isn't doing a 'thang'. *orders cleaning staff to pile up the pixie dust in a confined space*
Would you like something from the kitchen? *looks expectedly* *slaps self*

* copycat wonders how many sweets we're 'behind'.

[Haids1987]

*captures a pixie and makes it dance*

GAH!  How can you do that?!  Haven't you read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?!  Pixies are destructive demons!

[copycat]

Only the Cornish ones. *points to the top of page 79*

[MangoMercury]

Did you know this thread has been going on over three years now?

[copycat]

That's what happens, when members of the BCS start casting spells on this place and its patients.

[icarus]

They even cast spells at there own? .......