Therapy: King's Quest Style

[darthkiwi]

Mordack does have some anger issues, true  This explains everything, though.

Did he really burn down Manannan's house? Was it in the KQ companion or something?

[tessspoon]

It's in the remake. If you get full points you get a special cutscene at the end of Mordack collecting Manannan and torching the house.

[Damar]

It's been a minute since I wrote any of these, so I typed one up today.  So here's another villain who has issues.  If only she could deal with her issues, she could truly be evil.

"So, Miss Hagatha, you tell me that you don't much like people."
"I don't want to deal with anyone.  I just stay in my cave."
"All the time?"
"Well sometimes I walk in the forest.  Never far from the cave though."
"And what would happen if you met someone in the forest, or if someone came to your cave?"
"I'd eat them!"
"Oh...ok then.  That's...well I suppose that's one way of dealing with the situation.  Um...have you always had a taste for people?"
"Not always.  I don't eat everyone.  One time I locked a woman up in a tower."
"Ah, and why did you do that?"
"Because she was pretty."
"Interesting.  And locking her up accomplished..."
"She wasn't pretty after that!"
"Well technically she was."
"What?"
"She still would be pretty.  You just removed her from view."
"Whatever."
"So is she still in the tower?"
"No.  A king saved her."
"That saves me the trouble of having to report that, then."
"What?"
"Nothing.  So this king saved her.  You couldn't stop him?"
"I was busy in my cave."
"You...you didn't even guard your prisoner?"
"I left a hungry lion to guard her."
"Ah, but of course.  I should have guessed.  But you didn't have an alarm system rigged up or any kind of surveillance to make sure that your prisoner didn't escape?"
"Not really.  But I knew something was going on."
"How did you know?"
"Well, someone stole the nightingale out of my cave while I wasn't watching, so that kind of tipped me off that someone was looking to foil my plans."
"That makes sense...vaguely.  So why weren't you paying more attention?"
"I just didn't want to deal with it."
"Didn't want to deal with the situation or the people involved?"
"I don't like dealing with people."
"Right.  So locking this woman up was your way of not dealing with the fact that she was pretty?"
"Exactly.  I felt like she was making me look bad.  People would look at her, then see me, then judge me."
"And as for other people, it's just easier to eat them then deal with them?"
"It's always easier to eat people!"
"I'm not sure.  You have to butcher them, carve them up, clean them, cook them, dispose of the inedible portions..."
"Sounds like you're also quite the expert!"
"What?  Well, no, I'm...I'm just assuming based on what you have to do when you hunt animals and..."
"Of course.  Whatever you say."
"Look, my personal life isn't important.  What is important here is that you have trouble dealing with people.  So much so that you find it easier to kill and eat them rather than talk or interact.  This may have solved the issue of a renewable food source, but it hasn't helped you cope with your difficulties with social interaction."
"Social interaction is overrated.  I can just eat people."
"And that makes you feel better, to take that power over others."
"It's not about the power."
"Oh, but I think it is.  People frighten you.  You isolate in a cave and spend your time outside the cave muttering to yourself while wandering in the forest.  Anyone you meet you kill and eat because you're afraid of judgment.  You saw a pretty woman, so you locked her up because otherwise you felt you would be judged."
"People do judge me!  I know they do!"
"Maybe that's because your actions, which occur due to your fear, lead to others fearing you."
"So...I eat people because I'm afraid of dealing with them...because I'm afraid of judgment."
"And that fear leads to you eating more people.  And that behavior leads to people judging you, and the whole cycle begins again."
"I...I eat because I'm afraid!"
"And you're afraid because you eat.  I think we've had a breakthrough here."
"You're right!  You're so right!  All these years I've been eating people and storing their skulls in a giant pile on the floor of my cave..."
"Whoa, what?"
"All this time I've been looking at those skulls, thinking I was besting my fear, but I wasn't!"
"Ok, you never mentioned a collection of skulls.  Are we dealing with a need for trophies here?"
"No, my fear was besting me!"
"You are literally keeping the skulls of your kills as a talisman against fear.  That is...that is getting into a whole new area of pathology that frankly..."
"But no more!  I won't be held back by fear anymore!  I'm throwing those skulls away!"
"Ok, I think that's a good idea."
"From now on, if people bother me, I'm locking them all in the tower!"
"That's a less good idea."
"And this time I'll do a better job of guarding it!  If I'm going to be truly evil, I have to be involved!  I have to deal with people!"
"Ok, I think you're taking a positive breakthrough and using it for evil."
"I can create more death traps to keep them contained in the tower!"
"I'd really prefer you didn't use my therapy for evil."
"And now that I'm challenging my fear, I could even take an active part in their imprisonment!  I could appear randomly and torture them!"
"Seriously, don't use my therapy for evil.  I'm not kidding."
"Thank you so much!  You've showed me the way!  I couldn't have done this without you!"
"Please don't mention me in any testimonials you may give.  Or any...you know...criminal indictments..."
"I'm going to go now!  There's so much to do!  Kolyma thought they were my enemy?  They don't know what it is to be my enemy!  But they will!  Oh yes...they will!"
"Ok, well you go have fun.  I'm just going to remove all proof that this session ever happened and any hint of my involvement."
"You've cured me!  Thank you so much!  Goodbye."
"Yes, goodbye.  I'll just be here...staring into the abyss...questioning my morality..."
Hagatha
Diagnosis: 1. Social Anxiety Disorder
2. Binge Eating Disorder
Oh, and she's a cannibalistic sociopath too.

[atec123]

It's in the remake. If you get full points you get a special cutscene at the end of Mordack collecting Manannan and torching the house.

I must get full points.  that's really cool. 

[tessspoon]

It's in the remake. If you get full points you get a special cutscene at the end of Mordack collecting Manannan and torching the house.

I must get full points.  that's really cool. 

It's also up on youtube, along with the other secrets.

[Damar]

Yeah, that was a really nice touch in the remake.  It's one of those things that seems so simple when you look at it, but it really made a perfect ending.

And speaking of Manannan, guess who's up next after Hagatha's issues?  That's right!  Oh, and incidentally, this one is no exaggeration.  This would be Manannan's actual diagnosis.  The guy is a textbook example.

"So Manannan, what brings you here?"
"My brother says I need to loosen up."
"And do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Need to loosen up?"
"You tell me."
"Well, I can't help but notice that you're staring very intently at me and still haven't sat down.  Do you do that often?"
"Sometimes.  I'll occasionally pop into a room and stare at someone."
"And you don't talk to them?"
"I don't have anything to say."
"And if you did?"
"Then I'd talk."
"Ah.  Would you like to sit down now?"
"It doesn't really matter.  I'm comfortable standing or sitting."
"Then why don't you sit?"
"Very well."
"There, isn't that more comfortable?"
"I told you I was comfortable either way."
"Ok then.  So, what's a typical day like for you?"
"Well I start by looking through my telescope.  I do enjoy my telescope.  I can see the entire countryside."
"That must be an interesting hobby.  So you do that every day?"
"Yes.  Then I go on a journey."
"Where?"
"Sometimes to visit my brother.  Sometimes for magic ingredients.  Sometimes nowhere in particular."
"But you always go on the journey?"
"Always.  For twenty-five minutes."
"Why not half an hour?"
"Twenty-five minutes."
"Right, but why not half an hour?"
"Because the journey lasts twenty-five minutes."
"Ok.  What happens after the journey?"
"Then it's time to eat.  After that I take a nap.  For twenty-five minutes."
"Do you ever oversleep?"
"Twenty-five minutes."
"What if you can't get to sleep?"
"I have a powder for that.  I will sleep for twenty-five minutes."
"You do like structure, don't you?"
"The more structure and ritual you have, the more the world makes sense."
"Ah, so the world is too chaotic?"
"It's messy.  People don't make sense.  There's no order."
"Is that why you got into magic?  To create order?"
"Magic can be very orderly.  Not the new magic my brother uses.  Anyone with a wand who has the capacity to comprehend a picture book can do his magic.  No, I prefer the sorcery of old.  Specific ingredients, specific measurements, specific incantations.  No room for error, no room for chaos."
"And if there is chaos when creating a spell?"
"Then the chaotic influence is eliminated."
"Ah, so no margin for error."
"Margin for error is an excuse for sloppy work."
"And is this why your brother thinks you should lighten up?"
"I don't know what he wants."
"Maybe he wants to see you for more than twenty-five minutes at a time."
"He knows my journeys last twenty-five minutes."
"I'm sure he does."
"I just said he does.  Why are you restating it?"
"It was meant as an amusing confirmation.  My tone of voice..."
"Tone of voice doesn't change what you say.  Say what you mean or don't say it."
"How are you with other people?"
"How am I?"
"Yes, how do you interact with them?"
"The only other person I deal with regularly is my slave."
"Your...slave...why does the universe always challenge my morality?"
"My slave has no sense of order."
"Does he have no sense of order, or does he fail to meet your standards of order?"
"Order is order.  There's no difference between the two."
"And yet the world gets by despite its sloppy chaos."
"That is nothing short of a miracle."
"Or it's proof that your level of structure is unnecessary and even dysfunctional.  What happens if you no longer have order?"
"Then I kill the slave."
"Not the answer I was looking for.  Ok, but what does that do to restore order?"
"It removes the chaotic influence.  It's why I kill them habitually at eighteen.  They're just too chaotic after that.  Too willful."
"I'm assuming that you'll kill me if I report this to the authorities as I am mandated to?"
"Irrelevant.  I killed all the law enforcement officers in Llewdor long ago.  There is no one for you to report me to."
"Ah, well that helps my conscience."
"But yes, I would kill you.  If you could report me.  Which you can't."
"Because law enforcement is dead."
"As I stated.  It did lead to a surge in bandit and pirate activity, but that doesn't affect me.  In fact the bandits can be amusing to watch."
"Through your telescope."
"I do enjoy my telescope.  It brings the world into focus."
"You can understand things through the telescope.  It gives you a closeness that you otherwise wouldn't have with others.  You feel an intimate connection without actually having to interact or deal with the social contact."
"I can watch the world wallow in its chaos and know that I am distant and safe from it.  There is no chaos in my house.  None."
"It seems to me that the loss of order creates a sense of anger in you."
"Life needs order."
"Yet you don't really understand people.  You stand around and stare at them.  The moment someone weaker than you fails to live up to your expectations of the world, you kill them."
"I remove chaotic influences.  Like the sorcery of old."
"You're very focused on that sorcery of old thing."
"It is pure.  I can quote the entire tome from memory.  It has a history.  Not like Mordack's picture books.  Everything has its place, everything is rationed and saved down to the jars the ingredients come in.  It must all be done in order, in perfect, unbending order."
"Well I think this is a good place to start and throughout the hour we can..."
"I'm not staying here an hour."
"You're not...wait, let me guess.  You only want twenty-five minutes."
"Twenty-five minutes.  I only have twenty-five minutes.  And after that, I will be ready to eat."
Manannan
Diagnosis: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
Rule out Asperger's Disorder

[darthkiwi]

You've nailed it! This is Manannan! Finally, we know why he leaves the house for *exactly* twenty-five minutes each time

[Damar]

Next up is the witch from King's Quest I.  She has a problem.  Who knew?

"So Miss Dahlia.  You're a witch, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Ok, so just some ground rules here in therapy.  No magic, no attacks on myself or my family or my friends."
"I would never..."
"Yeah, but I've heard that before from others."
"Well I can't cast a spell on you anyway."
"That's right.  I'm wearing an amulet I bought at a gypsy garage sale.  What I find interesting, though, is that you know that.  You've already tried to cast a spell on me, haven't you?"
"I..."
"What did you try to do to me?"
"I was hungry."
"What did you try to do to me?"
"I...I tried to turn you into a gingerbread man."
"So you could eat me?"
"That was the plan."
"Ok, see now this is the kind of thing that really destroys a trusting therapeutic relationship."
"I guess.  Can...can I see the amulet?"
"You want me to take off the amulet?  Why?"
"So...I...can see it?"
"No, you want me to take it off so you can eat me."
"I'm just really hungry and..."
"And any time you're hungry or want something, then you take it."
"Of course!  Now let me see the amulet!"
"No!  I'm not going to let you eat me!  This kind of behavior is completely unacceptable!"
"But I'm so hungry!"
"So just because you're a little hungry..."
"No, that's the problem!  I'm always hungry!"
"Always..."
"Always hungry.  I can't stop eating."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Since I can remember.  I've always been hungry.  I eat whenever and whatever I can."
"Any pica?  I mean, do you eat things that aren't actually food?"
"When I was young, but then I stopped."
"How did you stop?"
"I learned a spell that turns things into gingerbread.  So I did that instead."
"Ah.  So how do you spend your days?"
"I stay at home and stir a cauldron of food.  Oh, and sometimes I fly around on my broom scouting for tasty morsels.  Can I see that amulet now?"
"No.  So you're always eating?"
"There's always food around.  I live in a gingerbread house."
"So everything revolves around food.  What else do you have in your house?"
"My cauldron with food.  I also have a cupboard..."
"With food?"
"Yes.  And a table.  I eat at the table.  And a bed.  I have a bed to sleep in.  And eat in.  I don't have any amulets though.  I wish I did.  Do you have any spare amulets?"
"We really need to move past this amulet thing.  I'm not taking it off."
"Oh, and I also have some scratch paper."
"Scratch paper?"
"In the house.  I like puzzles.  I work out solutions to puzzles on the paper."
"And how good are you at the puzzles?"
"I'm very good at puzzles."
"Like jigsaw puzzles or memory puzzles or..."
"I'm very good at puzzles."
"Ok then.  This is actually making some sense."
"Is it?"
"Yes.  All these things are fitting together.  And when we factor in your physical appearance..."
"What about my appearance?"
"Well you're short.  And you have a long face and a prominent nose."
"And?  I'm a witch!  That's what witches look like!  We're all short and hunched and have big noses and long faces."
"That's actually an ugly stereotype.  Not all witches look that way.  But you do.  I also notice that your skin is blemished.  Do you pick at it?"
"Sometimes."
"Ok, so we have skin-picking behaviors, uncontrollable appetite, eating non-edible objects, poor impulse-control, distinguishing facial features, and you're even good at puzzles.  I think what we're looking at is a developmental disorder."
"A developmental..."
"Yes, genetically I think that..."
"You mean that I'm genetically defective?"
"No, I wouldn't say that.  You have a chromosomal abnormality that leads to the symptoms you've been living with."
"So I'm always hungry because..."
"Because you have a genetic disorder.  Your body never feels full."
"And I turn people into gingerbread men and eat them because of the genetic disorder too?"
"No.  Well, the impulsivity of the behavior is part of the developmental disorder.  Likewise the facial features, your being short, skin-picking, and even being good at puzzles are also related to the disorder."
"So why do I turn people into gingerbread men?"
"Because you're an evil witch."
"I don't think so."
"I do."
"Can I see your amulet?"
Dahlia
Diagnosis: Prader-Willi Syndrome
She's also an evil witch

[kindofdoon]

Diagnosis: Prader-Willi Syndrome
She's also an evil witch

[tessspoon]

"Your...slave...why does the universe always challenge my morality?"

I love this therapist

Love these, awesome job Damar!

[Enchantermon]

Dahlia
Diagnosis: Prader-Willi Syndrome
She's also an evil witch

^_^

[Delling]

*sheepishly* Can I see your amulet?

[Enchantermon]

Lamp Trader (Patient #24601)

Literary references ftw.

[dark-daventry]

"Your...slave...why does the universe always challenge my morality?"

I love this therapist

I love this therapist too! I think I need to get his number!

[Damar]

*sheepishly* Can I see your amulet?

Of course you can see my am...waaaaaait a minute!  I see what you're trying to do there!  I've got my eye on you...

Glad you guys like the therapist.  It's more or less based on how I react to things.  A bit more verbal though.  I just think those lines when I hear things like that.  I try to be more nonchalant when I talk.  So whenever the therapist in these dialogues hears something bizarre and just responds with, "Ok.  So anyway..." that's basically me.  Not being easily phased is pretty important in my line of work.

And we got a new character up!  Odds are you can see this diagnosis coming from a mile away.  He didn't really have it all together when we saw him.  It's no surprise that his personal life is a mess too.

"So Crispin, I understand that some people are worried about you."
"Oh fiddlesticks young man!"
"Fiddlesticks indeed, but still your friends have some concerns.  Perhaps we should address them."
"Well let me sit down first!"
"I was letting you sit down.  You've taken about five minutes to make it across the room.  I can't help but feel that you're not a light on your feet as you once were."
"Oh, well none of us are."
"True.  Still, you seem like you might be a fall risk."
"You worry too much!  I haven't fallen since three hours ago!"
"Well that sets my mind at ease."
"There, I'm sitting now!  Young people are so impatient.  Sometimes it takes a minute to walk across a room."
"Or five.  The issue, though, is that you're also about forty minutes late for this appointment."
"I've been punctual all my life!"
"But not so much anymore, it seems.  Your friends feel that you're forgetful."
"Which friends?"
"Cedric for one."
"Cedric worries about everything!"
"Maybe so.  But I also understand that the Society of Wizards is concerned."
"Ah, the Society."
"Why don't you tell me a bit about the Society."
"Well, we meet and talk about other wizards.  We take a dim view of evil wizards.  Sometimes we put them on suspension."
"So you have quite a bit of power then."
"We were the most powerful of wizards!"
"So the fact that they're worried about your memory would seem to be a legitimate concern."
"Well, I don't know..."
"Is there anything you've forgotten besides your appointment today?"
"I lost my wand recently."
"Did you?"
"Yes.  I kept it in a chest for the longest time.  For years it was in there and it lost its power.  Then a nice man charged it back up and since then I've been keeping it...somewhere.  Now where did it get to?"
"How long has it been missing?"
"Oh I don't know.  It probably wandered off..."
"It's a wand.  It's an inanimate object.  It can't move on its own."
"True, but wands do have a personality of their own sometimes..."
"But they can't move on their own..."
"You have to understand that wands are like pets."
"Are they, now?"
"Yes.  Just treat them with care and respect and hopefully they can do something for you."
"So treating your wand with care and respect means putting it in a chest for years until it loses its glow?"
"Well, I kept meaning to take care of it and feed it cheese-powered energy..."
"Cheese-powered..."
"But I always forgot.  That's alright, though."
"I guess it's a good thing that wands are just inanimate objects and not actual pets then."
"I used to have pets.  I once had a white snake.  I kept it in the chest with the wand.  I probably shouldn't have done that..."
"Since you forgot about the wand?"
"The snake didn't last long.  Actually I don't know how long it lasted.  I found it a year or so later.  It wasn't alive anymore."
"I'd imagine not."
"But it all worked out.  I had that nice man eat it."
"Eat...it..."
"Yes.  Dead white snake helps you understand animals and plants!  I think.  Yes, yes it does!  He was a very nice man.  Said he was a king!  So very polite, but royalty is like that, don't you know?"
"I did not know."
"Oh yes.  It's the breeding.  The nobility.  And they keep it all in the family, you know."
"You're referring to inbreeding.  The royal families don't do that anymore.  It's a profoundly bad idea."
"Oh not at all.  That's how it was done back when I was a young wizard!  You knew who the noble families were!  You could see it in their jaw line.  Of course royalty always bruised easily..."
"Yeah, again, inbreeding isn't really an accepted...you know what?  We're getting off topic here.  So this Society of Wizards..."
"Oh, they're just a bunch of old coots!  They're jealous because I still have my own house and they're stuck living in the home!"
"Wait...the Society of Wizards..."
"They all live in the Sunny Serenia Valley Retirement Home."
"I...I just assumed that it was an actual Society of..."
"Oh goodness no!  They all call themselves that to relive the glory days.  No, there's no official wizard society.  Can you imagine the headache that would be?  Dealing with all those evil wizards.  And those Black Cloaks!  Oh my, no!  It would just be too much trouble."
"So the Society of Wizards is a bunch of retirees at a home?"
"They used to be very powerful in their day!  Nothing to scoff at young man!"
"I'm sure they're not."
"And we still get together every Wednesday for the early bird dinner at the local inn.  It's under new management now.  The lamb isn't as good, but the staff is so much friendlier!  Anyway, we get together and make resolutions to put bad wizards on suspension.  It never does any good though.  Young wizards are so impulsive these days.  You know who I blame?"
"I can't imagine."
"The mud-bloods."
"That sounds incredibly racist."
"Oh now, you just don't understand.  It's those commoners who mix with the true wizards.  They contaminate the true wizard line with their foul, base, simple blood!  They don't have the mental capacity for true magic.  They cheapen the name of wizards everywhere, those dabblers in magic!"
"Wow.  So this prejudice against..."
"Now it's not prejudice, it's just the facts.  We...now confound it...what was I talking about?"
"Your forgetfulness."
"You look like a very nice man.  You don't practice magic, though, do you?"
"No I..."
"That's good.  Your common blood couldn't handle the true magic!  Now where is Cedric?  I have an appointment today with some bothersome old therapist who is..."
"You're in that appointment now, Crispin."
"Am I?  Wait, is today Wednesday?"
"Thursday.  The day of your appointment."
"Oh blast!  I missed yesterday's Society of Wizards meeting!  We were going to suspend another young wizard!  And we were going to make a complaint about the misuse of the shuffleboard court!  The gnomes keep using it and they won't clean up after themselves!  Messy little straw-spinning halflings!"
"I'm really not comfortable with the racial slurs..."
"You know how gnomes are!  But they're not half as bad as those little emerald-picking, shoe-pounding elves!"
"Ok, so what I'm getting here is that you have trouble remembering things."
"Do I?"
"You don't know what day it is, you don't know where your wand is, you rely on Cedric to remind you of appointments..."
"Do I?"
"Yes.  Cedric can't be your caretaker forever.  And the Society of Wizards..."
"Half of them don't know what day it is either!  Why Erasmus himself can't even eat solid food!  And he keeps thinking that rats are talking to him..."
"And that's why he lives in a retirement home, Crispin.  Have you ever given thought to living in the home with Erasmus and your other Society of Wizards friends?"
"Oh, now that's just not necessary."
"Really?  You can barely make it across the room without looking like you're about to fall over."
"I don' t fall that often!"
"You forget the most basic of spells.  Cedric tells me you couldn't remember the word 'Abracadabra.'"
"How do you know that word?"
"Everyone knows that word.  It's as well known as 'Hocus Pocus.'"
"Commoners!  Dirtying our pure magic with your...your simpleton blood!"
"I'm not doing any magic, Crispin.  The fact is that the magic you still use is so old that it's entered into common knowledge."
"I remember back when no one would dare talk to a wizard that way!  Back then, wizards like me advised for kings!  I remember when I told a king to make a round table, and you know what?  He did it!  For no other reason than I told him to!  Of course he wasn't the brightest fellow in the world.  I think it was his sixth finger.  It took too much blood from his brain.  And he drooled a bit too much.  But he had such a noble bearing!  Both his cousin-parents did."
"Alright, I think I've heard enough.  I can call the retirement home and make a referral..."
"And they got their regal manner from their sister-mother and uncle-father.  They learned together, you see.  They were brother and sister after all."
"You're off-topic again Crispin.  Really, badly, disturbingly off-topic."
"Well I wouldn't expect a commoner to understand.  Are we nearly done?"
"Unfortunately no.  I have to make some calls to see if..."
"Did I leave my brazier running?  Was I conjuring before I came here?"
"You routinely leave the house with an open flame running?"
"Oh now you just sound like Cedric!  Always worrying about open flames and whether I'm eating!"
"When was the last meal you had Crispin?"
"I sometimes snack on white snake."
"An actual, full meal, I mean.  When was the last full meal you had?"
"I just ate at the inn during the Society of Wizards meeting!"
"That was over a week ago.  You're saying that you've only eaten small snacks for a week?  How much weight have you lost recently?"
"Oh, now a little weight loss is nothing to worry about!"
"Ok, you're a fall risk, you don't eat regular meals, and you're in danger of burning down your house?  Great.  I'm just going to have to clear my entire schedule today so that I can complete the paperwork to have you committed..."
"You're going to what?"
"I'm going to make sure you can be with your Society of Wizards full time."
"Oh good!  Wait, is today Wednesday?  It's about time we send those shuffle-board loving, marionette-carving halfling gnomes a message!  We're wizards not...not...now confound it, where is Cedric?  He was supposed to remind me about my appointment today!"
Crispin
Diagnosis: Dementia

[kindofdoon]

lolololol

[Damar]

This next one was a pain to write.  It also doesn't end with a diagnosis as it's a group session.  It's all codependence and abuse issues though, regardless of diagnoses.  It's also a bit darker than the others.  I was still going for humor though.  After all, who knew that these guys were so dysfunctional?  They seemed so...well honestly they always seemed pretty dysfunctional to me, even in the game.  The tension is all there if you read between the lines.  Now we know why!  Enjoy.

"Ok, I usually don't do group therapy, but I understand we have a lot of codependence going on here and some allegations of abuse.  Apparently the guard dog garrison on the Isle of Wonder is often called over due to domestic complaints.  So why don't we start at the beginning.  Let's all introduce ourselves."
All five together: "Five fierce guards of the Isle we be!  We've come here for group therapy!"
"Oh good god.  I'm just going to take an aspirin right now..."
Big Eyes: "The gnome Bill Batter is who I be, the head of this clan, for I can see!"
Big Hands:  "At one time, that would be true, but a new day has come you impotent fool!  Trilly Dilly rules here now!  Question me, and my hands will put you down!"
"Ok, look, I won't have threats in this group session!"
Big Mouth: "No more fighting, I beg you all!  I do not want the guard dogs called!"
Big Nose: "A snitch you are, that's all you'll be!  You whine to cops when fighting are we!"
"Alright, let's not resort to name-calling here either.  I think what Grump Frump is saying is that he feels deeply hurt when this family fights.  Family...what exactly is the relationship here?  Are you all related by blood, or are you all roommates, or..."
Big Eyes: "By all that's beauteous, fair, and slightly, in the same house we live and sleep together nightly."
"Right.  But are you all related or..."
Big Mouth: "What does it matter how we are labeled or called?  Our lives are falling apart around us all!"
"Ok, fair enough.  No clarification on that matter then.  Alright, so Grump Frump obviously feels a loss of cohesiveness in this group due to the fighting.  What about you...Grovernor, is it?"
Big Ears: "I do not like to speak out of turn...I fear my ears be boxed or burned!"
"Ah...and who will hurt you if you..."
Big Hands: "Remember this, for you are still learning: Speak out of turn and people's ears be burning."
"That was clearly a veiled threat.  What did I say..."
Big Hands: "A threat?  A threat?  You misunderstand!  A figure of speech that was, well known in this land!"
"Saying that someone's ears are burning might be a figure of speech, but don't try to play innocent here.  It was clearly meant as a threat towards Grovernor!"
Big Hands: "You do not know of what you speak.  I do not attack the defenseless or meek.  I merely seek to keep order in this place.  I do not hit.  Not that you can prove, in any case."
"And that justifies your behaviors?  Because it can't be proven?"
Big Eyes: "You see how he is, now he behaves?  'Tis nothing but violence from this knave!  When once I ruled this group of five we worked as one and senses jived!"
Big Hands: "In your need for control, you overreached.  You thrived off us all, you parasitic leech!  You did nothing for yourself, save make us lose face!  Someone needed to stand up and take your place."
"It sounds like Trilly Dilly feels you were verbally and psychologically abusive, Bill.  Does anyone else feel that way?  Tom?  We haven't heard from you recently."
Big Nose: "Tom Trow I am, that's all I'll be.  My nose knows all by land and sea.  But smell is all that I shall do.  A snitch I'm not.  I won't tell you."
"If you want the cycle of abuse to end and everyone here to be treated as equals, you need to open up about what's been happening.  That's why you're here.  Both Grovernor and Grump Frump are intimidated into silence.  You're the one who will have to break that silence.  Now, you're all adults, so I'm not going to call the police or have anyone arrested.  You all have to take responsibility if you want anything to change."
Big Eyes: "Tell him Tom, all that you know.  Tell him how the new regime does blow!  Things were better under me.  I never hit you, or any others, see."
Big Nose: "A snitch I'm not, but nor am I a fool.  Bill Batter could be harsh and cruel.  Ragweed he would often bring to me.  And he would shout at Grovernor laughingly.  Ghost chilis I saw him sneak in Grump Frump's food.  He mocked us all when in his moods.  Still, he never used his hands on us.  Not like another often does."
Big Hands: "I know not what you imply!  A friend to all of you am I!  You make me sad, with these claims unbased.  You should not speak so, when such a target is on your face!"
"Again with the threats, Trilly Dilly?  I won't keep putting up with this.  Who else would like to share now that Tom has opened up?  Grump Frump, have you ever been hurt by Trilly Dilly here?"
Big Mouth: "He once beat me with a sock that contained an orange!  I say to you that..."
Big Hands: "No one wants to hear your tale!  You whiny snitch, your lies are beyond the pale!"
"Actually I was really interested in hearing how he was going to wrap that one up.  Seriously, Grump Frump, please finish your line."
Big Mouth: "I have nothing more to say.  I will sit here and be silent all the day."
"No, really, please finish!  There was an orange aaaaannnnnd...."
Big Hands: "You know your place Grump Frump, this is now true.  You will be silent and remember all I've done for you.
Big Mouth: "You have done so much for us all.  Thank you for..."
Big Hands: "Are you still talking out of turn?  My hands will teach you a lesson you should have learned!"
"Enough the threats of violence!  I will not have you intimidating your partners here.  This is a safe place!"
Big Eyes: "There is nowhere safe from the likes of he!  He's mad with power as you can see.  Call the guard dogs to take him, I pray.  I will rule again when he is locked away!"
"And that's the issue here, isn't it, Bill?  You don't really care about anyone else, just your own need for control.  You have to be the alpha gnome, don't you?  You abused your...partners?  Brothers?  Anyone?  No, none of you are going to clarify this relationship, are you?  Fine.  Bill, you abused everyone around you and in Trilly Dilly you created a monster and now he's taken over.  So now you act like you care, you play the victim, but you're not."
Big Eyes: "Trilly Dilly victimizes all of us!  He is a cruel and abusive putz!  I only want us all to be safe and sound.  I want things back as they once were, with peace of mind found."
"Exactly.  You want things as they once were.  But you can't have that, because things change for one, and also because you were just as bad in your own way as Trilly Dilly.  The fact is that you don't really care.  It's all a justification, the way that Trilly Dilly acts like he cares, but it's all about power and control.  You don't buy his act for a second.  No more than I buy yours."
Big Hands: "Bill acts like he cares though we know he's lying.  Stop shoveling that $&!%, Bill, for no one's buying!"
"Ok, I'm not certain that I'm comfortable with the language here.  Someone might be offended.  Let's keep it family friendly."
Big Mouth: "I cannot live like this anymore!  It's all too much, it cuts me to the core!  Living with Bill and Trilly Dilly is no heaven!  They force-feed me like that guy from Se7en!"
"And there goes family friendly.  Fantastic.  How did you five get so dark?"
Big Ears: "Trilly Dilly rules and leaves Bill mad.  So now we get it from both those cads!  Tom gets nosebleeds but won't say how.  They happen far too often now.  They will not let us visit friends or peers.  They use hot pokers to pierce my ears!"
"And why are you all staying together?  Tom, Grump Frump, Grovernor, you're all being abused.  You three could move out.  Bill, Trilly Dilly, you two seem to despise each other.  What keeps you two together?"
Big Nose: "Where would we go?"
Big Mouth: "Who else do we know?"
Big Ears: "We may dance with the devil, but they're our devils though."
"But that's what they want.  To foster that sense of fear so that you feel you can't get through life without them."
Big Eyes: "And I for one will never leave home.  I will not let that cretin rule alone!"
"You won't leave because you lost power.  Don't justify this or try to act like a hero.  You won't leave because you feel that would be admitting defeat.  Admitting that you are powerless.  Even though the kind of control you've been exerting only underlines that powerlessness.  Any time you feel inadequate, you exert power over someone else.  Even now you continue to be abusive just to prove to yourself that Trilly Dilly didn't best you.  Any time you feel you're slipping, you cause pain, and then you justify it away."
Big Hands: "And I myself see no cause to go.  I care for all the others, as they all know.  Without me, they never could get by.  They need me, else they all would die."
"And you justify just as much as Bill does.  You breed a culture of helplessness, which you reinforce through physical abuse with your freakishly ginormous hands.  But that's not power.   Not really.  And deep down, you know that.  Just like Bill, you fear being powerless, and that just spurs on more abuse.  But it never takes away your insecurities.  You still feel empty inside.  You still have the fear."
Big Hands: "I'm finished talking here with you.  I did not want to come, that much is true."
Big Eyes: "Can't the baby handle truth?  You get called out, now you vamoose!"
Big Hands: "You have not right to talk such trash!  Speak again, and I'll cut your..."
"You won't be warned again about threats!  See, now this is exactly what I'm talking about.  And Tom, Grovernor, Grump Frump, I want you to see this too.  I pointed out both Bill and Trilly Dilly's powerlessness, and what did they do?  Bill verbally attacked Trilly Dilly, and Trilly Dilly then threatened physical violence.  It proves my point that..."
Big Eyes: "You cut me?  You?  You couldn't take me on if you wanted to.  You're a coward, that I clearly see.  You attack those weaker than yourself, and that's not me."
Big Hands: "You're weak in every area save for sight.  I heard that from your mama, when I was with her all last night!"
"Oh snap!  I mean...let's not bring people's mothers into..."
Big Eyes: "By all that's beauteous, fair, and dear, a $&%@ing dead man do I see before me here!"
Big Hands: "Come and get some, if you so wish!  My hands will slap you down like a pansy..."
"OK, ENOUGH!  OUT OF MY OFFICE!  ALL OF YOU, OUT!"

[kindofdoon]

This is really excellent writing. I can hear their voices as if the lines had been penned by Jane/Roberta.

[Damar]

Thanks!  That's quite the compliment!  I've always really enjoyed writing.  I've kind of gotten out of the habit of writing recently though.  It's a lot of fun to write these little dialogues though, and hopefully it gets me back in the habit of working on some of the bigger stuff I had been writing for fun.

[crayauchtin]

But I wanted to hear about the orange!!