Author Topic: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback  (Read 10844 times)

Offline Rick_Florez

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Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« on: September 26, 2010, 11:52:34 AM »
As you've probably seen in a few other of my recent posts  we welcome player feedback because it allows us to improve future episode of The Silver Lining.

Some people have complained that certain parts of the dialogs made them cringe or simply wrote it off as bad writing.  Unfortunately that type of feedback is very vague so I'd like to ask for specific examples of things that you had an issue with.  Though sometimes its more a matter of personal taste we may actually agree with some of your comments and if so can maybe improve upon it in the future.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2010, 12:01:49 PM by Rick_Florez »
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Offline Rosella

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Re: Writting Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2010, 11:58:42 AM »
Well, not to be smart alec-y, but the thread title should probably spell "Writing" correctly. :P
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Offline KatieHal

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2010, 12:11:11 PM »
LOL, there's irony for you :) But looks like that's fixed now!

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Offline kindofdoon

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2010, 12:33:50 PM »
"Guards! Guards! Someone's trying t-...Well fine, I'll stop if you do."

I'm probably missing the humor here, but nonetheless, this line feels out of place every time I hear it.

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Offline Fierce Deity

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2010, 12:40:32 PM »
"Guards! Guards! Someone's trying t-...Well fine, I'll stop if you do."

I'm probably missing the humor here, but nonetheless, this line feels out of place every time I hear it.

Yeah, I heard it every time I accidentally clicked the 'hand' icon on a guard, and I fear my imagination has run wild. Any explanations for what that phrase means?
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Offline kindofdoon

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2010, 12:44:15 PM »
I have a feeling it's something sexual, but I have no idea what it could be... :-\

Or that could be completely wrong.

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Offline crayauchtin

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2010, 12:49:47 PM »
She says it when you click the hand on people.... I assumed it meant I shouldn't be trying to manhandle or feel up on everybody. Even though I get it, it's still not my favorite line of narration.

Then again, I'm partial to the Warcraft/Starcraft thing where the thing you're clicking on responds and eventually gets irritated if you click on it too much. :P
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Offline Fierce Deity

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2010, 12:52:50 PM »
I have a feeling it's something sexual, but I have no idea what it could be... :-\

Or that could be completely wrong.

That's what I was thinking, but I'm not sure if it is. This is supposed to be a "family-friendly" game. So I think there is an actual meaning behind it, but if no one understands it, then people will assume it's a sexual innuendo (at least the adults will).  
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Offline KatieHal

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2010, 12:53:03 PM »
LOL, it wasn't meant to have a sexual connotation! It's more the idea that someone's trying to take something from the person you're clicking on (that being what the hand icon is mostly there for, picking things up). Having gotten it a few times myself, it doesn't quite translate as well as we'd thought it would, I agree.

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Offline crayauchtin

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2010, 12:55:30 PM »
So I was write with the manhandling but not with the feeling up? So how do I do that?? :P
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Offline KatieHal

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2010, 01:05:19 PM »
Haha, play Leisure Suit Larry, from what I hear. ;)

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Offline kindofdoon

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2010, 01:06:25 PM »
So then what is the complete line? What does she say after "Someone's trying t-"?

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Offline KatieHal

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2010, 01:07:20 PM »
There wasn't a fuller line written, but I would figure it to be something like "someone's trying to [mug/steal/hit] [the person being clikced on]"

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Offline Cat1

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2010, 04:03:36 PM »
As you've probably seen in a few other of my recent posts  we welcome player feedback because it allows us to improve future episode of The Silver Lining.

Some people have complained that certain parts of the dialogs made them cringe or simply wrote it off as bad writing.  Unfortunately that type of feedback is very vague so I'd like to ask for specific examples of things that you had an issue with.  Though sometimes its more a matter of personal taste we may actually agree with some of your comments and if so can maybe improve upon it in the future.

Hi Rick, I tried to be specific in another thread:


For instance in the description of the vases, a whole sentence is taken to say, "These vases are fine antiquities indeed."  Maybe it's because I've spent practically the whole year trying to cut words out of a research report, but to me that sentence is crying out to be edited to: "These fine antique vases... (and then carry on with the description)".  In that way you get rid of the useless words "are" and "indeed".


The suggestion I made would have cut out 1/3 of the words in that sentence, making it less wordy :)

Offline Lambonius

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2010, 11:35:47 PM »
Since I've made mention of this several times before, I will take some time and try to put together a very thorough and thoughtful explanation of exactly what my issues are with the writing.  Glad the topic is open to discussion, even if changes to TSL aren't possible at this stage.  Cheers.  :)

Offline Haids1987

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2010, 11:42:26 PM »
She says it when you click the hand on people.... I assumed it meant I shouldn't be trying to manhandle or feel up on everybody. Even though I get it, it's still not my favorite line of narration.
LOL, I am soooooooooo glad I'm not the only one who thought that!  That line bothers me, too.  That's the only one I can think of right of the bat, let me just replay Episde 1 and get to Episode 2 and we'll see what other opinions I have.
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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #16 on: September 27, 2010, 08:19:50 AM »
She says it when you click the hand on people.... I assumed it meant I shouldn't be trying to manhandle or feel up on everybody. Even though I get it, it's still not my favorite line of narration.
LOL, I am soooooooooo glad I'm not the only one who thought that!  That line bothers me, too.  That's the only one I can think of right of the bat, let me just replay Episde 1 and get to Episode 2 and we'll see what other opinions I have.
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Offline Lambonius

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #17 on: September 28, 2010, 02:37:10 PM »
I'm waiting til I get a chance to replay both episodes later this week before I say anything in depth about the writing--but I think it's worth pointing out that part of what makes certain lines cringeworthy is the uneven voice acting.  Better actors might have been able to make some of the cheesier lines of dialogue more palatable.

Offline KatieHal

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #18 on: September 28, 2010, 02:50:40 PM »
We know the voice acting is a wide spread in terms of talent (and recording quality). I'd say to leave that out in any feedback, as we won't be recasting any voice actors at this point, and will only be recording new lines in a limited number of cases (i.e., some narrator lines, possibly some Graham ones, etc).

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Offline spinz

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Re: Writing Quality in TSL Feedback
« Reply #19 on: September 29, 2010, 03:36:39 PM »
I'd have to play again to cite anything directly, but what drove me crazy about the dialogue was the pacing, and using 8-10 lines to say things that couldv been said in 2. One example i remember is when people were talking about the "unnatural storm". Dialogue would go something like "That storm sure wasnt natural." "It was an unnatural storm? What couldv caused it?" "I dont know, something not natural".  In fact, a bunch emphasis was placed on the storm in both episodes...yet the storm passed uneventfully and people continued to talk about it, slowly.
 

anything