Best Twlight Reviews EVER (SPOILERS)

[Haids1987]

NO vampire sparkles! None! Those are not vampires! 

Yeah-ha!  They suck blood and are cold to the touch and have superhuman strength! 

Oh, and they can father half-human children.

If that's not the description of a true vampire, I don't know what is.

[KatieHal]

A soulless creature of the night who is killed by sunlight, and certainly not one who fathers demon-spawn. Also, must have fangs!

[kindofdoon]

I am no fan of Twilight (haven't read or seen anything related), but what's wrong with exploring/expanding upon the classic archetypes a little?

[LadyTerra]

It isn't the fact that she changed the vampire archetype.  Most vampire related stuff has their own spin.  I'm particularly a fan of Blade's take as well as World of Darkness.  It's the idea that she pretty much rendered them harmless and perfect.  Sure, they drink blood, but they don't have to kill humans if they don't want to.  They can go out in the sun and sparkle without actually getting hurt.  Add the super strength, speed, immortality, and a psychic power, and you have pretty much the perfect being.  There's no downside to it anymore, and there's no moral dilemma.  And as for the "losing your soul" issue, it's not even established that the vampires in Twilight ever do lose their souls.  They still act like people (sort of) and express feelings and reminisce.  If anything, Bella's the one without a soul.  She doesn't even give a thought to how her parents would feel or even her own boyfriend, and she ditches her human "friends" at the drop of a hat.

Oh, and if you want cliché, here's a fanfic with pretty much the exact same story line, only much funnier, partially due to LittleKuriboh doing the voices.  As a warning, there is a section with badly written male homosexual sex in the first part, but the "plot twist" at the end is worth it.

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/bt/the-sage/fanfic-theatre/26649-vampire-stalkers-part-i

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/bt/the-sage/fanfic-theatre/27667-sagevampire-stalker-part2

[KatieHal]

What Terra said. The problem is more with the writing than with the ideas, by far. Saying 'those aren't vampires!' is just fun

But yes, she eliminates there being ANY consequences or moral dilemmas to the choice of becoming a vampire. You get to be gorgeous, athletic, have special powerz, Bella the super speshul snowflake never even has to deal with thirsting for human blood like every other vampire supposedly does, and the humans she cares about remotely she doesn't end up having to give up either. There's no sacrifice made by any of the main characters in all of the books, at all--they all just get what they want without having to give anything up to get it. It's exceedingly poor story-telling.

[kindofdoon]

And yet it has sold a huge amount of copies...How do you explain that?

[KatieHal]

On the one hand, I have no freaking idea. On the other, I have many.

One--the character of Bella is written with little of her own personality and identifying physical traits for the first book. It's extremely easy to let your perspective be hers and let yourself 'be' the main character, in that sense.

Two--girl moves to a new town and is instantly the subject of everyone's fascination, fawned over by all the boys, then the one boy who never dates ANYONE pays attention to her and is oh so handsome and it turns that she is special and so is he and they are in love and there's danger but he saves her and blah blah blah. It's not deep, but what teenage girl doesn't want to think she's special and secretly beloved by all and that a special boy will love her too? Oh, and then, later on, another super special boy who's handsome will also do anything for her because he loves her! So that's not one but two ultimate wish fulfillment fantasies.

Three--the relationship is entirely safe for her. There is never any pressure from Edward for sex, but rather quite the opposite. So the perfect handsome boy who's super special and will do anything for her, will also never pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to do--not sex, not turning her into a vampire, nothing. The only thing he ever pressure her to do? Get married and live happily ever after with him. (Okay, well, that and stop seeing her best friend who's a werewolf that he hates, but let's focus on the two of them for now.) It's a big turnaround from most teen pop culture, which usually have the exact opposite happening and people having sex and having consequences etc. Which is more realistic, yes, but not more appealing to those who want the totally safe relationship.

Also, excellent marketing.

So there's why it's so popular. Something doesn't need to actually be good to be successful and popular, though, or vice versa. Even I read the first 3 books and enjoyed them as easy popcorn reads; then I read the 4th book, finished it, put it down and went....waaaait a second, this is total crap! I've been had!

[Enchantermon]

I'm particularly a fan of Blade's take . . .

I'm sorry...this is ever so slightly off-topic, but at least it's Twilight-related. Terra made me think of it, so I had to share.

[LadyTerra]

   Thank you for that, Enchantermon.

The funny thing is Disney purposely did the exact same thing with Hannah Montanna.  All of her songs are about her double life, but they're written in a way where preteens can sing along and make it about themselves.  It's crap in content, but marketing genius.  I'm pretty sure that Stephanie Meyer just got lucky.

[Enchantermon]

  Thank you for that, Enchantermon.

You're welcome. It's pretty much one of the coolest things I've ever found on the internet. ^_^

[Haids1987]

Lookie what little tidbit of Breaking Dawn was jut released. We all know what THIS means, Twihards!

[KatieHal]

Where's a facepalm smiley when I need one!

[kindofdoon]

http://www.google.com/images?q=facepalm%20smiley&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1280&bih=703

[LadyTerra]

They replace the sex scene with dramatic poetry about the poor bird that lost the feathers she's holding?

[Haids1987]

Something like that. You remember the lines from Breaking Dawn: "Why am I covered in feathers?" "I bit a pillow. Or two."

[Enchantermon]

"Why am I covered in feathers?" "I bit a pillow. Or two."

[LadyTerra]

Something like that. You remember the lines from Breaking Dawn: "Why am I covered in feathers?" "I bit a pillow. Or two."

  Maybe I will see this movie.  I could use a good laugh and a nap.

[KatieHal]

It's far more disturbing when you realize..."Wait, WHY doesn't she remember any of this happening?!"

[Delling]

Something like that. You remember the lines from Breaking Dawn: "Why am I covered in feathers?" "I bit a pillow. Or two."

It's far more disturbing when you realize..."Wait, WHY doesn't she remember any of this happening?!"

I fear I must now boil my eyes in bleach, for they have informed me yet again that something terrible has been written into this world and paid ludicrous sums of money for its deleterious existence... *facepalm* & * for humanity*

Oh, and, Katie, clearly she was distracted by... [spoiler]...the sparkling.  [/spoiler]

[Enchantermon]

It's far more disturbing when you realize..."Wait, WHY doesn't she remember any of this happening?!"

I don't get it...

. . . deleterious . . .

Yay for new words!